August 6, 2013
I never thought I’d get to the point of losing my confidence or, dare I say it, question if I made the right decision to go natural and kick the creamy crack out of my life for good. I feel ashamed that the thoughts even came into my mind! In reading other women’s blogs and experiences of going through the journey of going natural, just about all of them have said that they’ve encountered this – this second guessing, not feeling pretty, feelings of frustration.
I’ve officially hit the in between blues. That point where my hair is no longer a TWA (teeny weenie afro) but isn’t quite long enough to wear the cute twist outs, bantu knots, etc. My hair can be twisted into small squiggly twists, but I’m not sure I want that style. I don’t like the idea of having small worm looking twists all over my head. If I were trying for locs or sister locs, sure I’d do it, but that’s not a style I’m particularly fond of for myself. I think it looks great on other women.
A dear friend of mine offered to come by my house and twist my hair for me this past Sunday. I had shared with her my feelings of frustration with my hair and she was more than encouraging to me. I so needed to hear such encouraging words from a fellow naturalista. I politely turned down her offer but I let her know that I may take her up on it at a different date. Who knows, I may have a change of heart down the road. My friend also reminded me of other options that I could experiment with while I’m in this in between stage like wigs or weave. I’ll be 40 this year and I’ve never worn a wig in my life outside of pretending to be one of the Supremes for a talent show! My sister in law makes her own wigs and she’s very good at it and they look spectacular on her. She’s addicted to them to be honest. 😉 A few years ago, my then beautician got me to experiment with small hair pieces to add some umph to my short hair styles or bobs. They were so subtle that many never knew I had a small weave in my hair. I’ll be honest – I became addicted to that little hair weave!
The one thing I want that I don’t have the funds for at the moment is….wait for it…..BRAIDS! I want braids so bad I can taste it. I love braids. I’ve been rocking them since 1995 on and off. I’ve had many styles of braids – dookie braids, box braids, micro braids, crochet braids, and kinky twists. Having braids always made my hair grow tremendously, and I know that if I kept them in for at least 3 months, my hair would grow so much that I would FINALLY be able to wear twist outs and try other cute natural hairstyles. That’s what I look forward to the most.
In the mean time I’m living vicariously through my 11 year old daughter and her gorgeous hair. I’ve been having fun trying different styles on her, most recently the bantu knots. Her hair turned out so pretty the next day when I took them down. Her curls were so beautiful and defined. We put a home made head band in her head and she WERKED her hair honey!! What makes me so happy is seeing both of my daughters love and appreciate their hair. I make it a point to tell them how beautiful their hair is and to never take it for granted. No matter how kinky or thick it may be it is beautiful.
As for me, I had a long talk with myself. I said “Self, you gotta snap out of this girl. Your hair doesn’t make you, you make the hair! The power your natural tresses exude come from within, they come from YOU. So hold your head high, straighten up your back, and be proud of that beautiful hair gracing your head.” Putting on some makeup, a cute outfit, killer heels and banging big earrings helped too. 😉