The In Between Blues

August 6, 2013

I never thought I’d get to the point of losing my confidence or, dare I say it, question if I made the right decision to go natural and kick the creamy crack out of my life for good. I feel ashamed that the thoughts even came into my mind! In reading other women’s blogs and experiences of going through the journey of going natural, just about all of them have said that they’ve encountered this – this second guessing, not feeling pretty, feelings of frustration.

I’ve officially hit the in between blues. That point where my hair is no longer a TWA (teeny weenie afro) but isn’t quite long enough to wear the cute twist outs, bantu knots, etc. My hair can be twisted into small squiggly twists, but I’m not sure I want that style. I don’t like the idea of having small worm looking twists all over my head. If I were trying for locs or sister locs, sure I’d do it, but that’s not a style I’m particularly fond of for myself. I think itΒ looks great on other women.

A dear friend of mine offered to come by my house and twist my hair for me this past Sunday. I had shared with her my feelings of frustration with my hair and she was more than encouraging to me. I so needed to hear such encouraging words from a fellow naturalista. I politely turned down her offer but I let her know that I may take her up on it at a different date. Who knows, I may have a change of heart down the road. My friend also reminded me of other options that I could experiment with while I’m in this in between stage like wigs or weave. I’ll be 40 this year and I’ve never worn a wig in my life outside of pretending to be one of the Supremes for a talent show! My sister in law makes her own wigs and she’s very good at it and they look spectacular on her. She’s addicted to them to be honest. πŸ˜‰ A few years ago, my then beautician got me to experiment with small hair pieces to add some umph to my short hair styles or bobs. They were so subtle that many never knew I had a small weave in my hair. I’ll be honest – I became addicted to that little hair weave!

The one thing I want that I don’t have the funds for at the moment is….wait for it…..BRAIDS! I want braids so bad I can taste it. I love braids. I’ve been rocking them since 1995 on and off. I’ve had many styles of braids – dookie braids, box braids, micro braids, crochet braids, and kinky twists. Having braids always made my hair grow tremendously, and I know that if I kept them in for at least 3 months, my hair would grow so much that I would FINALLY be able to wear twist outs and try other cute natural hairstyles. That’s what I look forward to the most.

In the mean time I’m living vicariously through my 11 year old daughter and her gorgeous hair. I’ve been having fun trying different styles on her, most recently the bantu knots. Her hair turned out so pretty the next day when I took them down. Her curls were so beautiful and defined. We put a home made head band in her head and she WERKED her hair honey!! What makes me so happy is seeing both of my daughters love and appreciate their hair. I make it a point to tell them how beautiful their hair is and to never take it for granted. No matter how kinky or thick it may be it is beautiful.

As for me, I had a long talk with myself. I said “Self, you gotta snap out of this girl. Your hair doesn’t make you, you make the hair! The power your natural tresses exude come from within, they come from YOU. So hold your head high, straighten up your back, and be proud of that beautiful hair gracing your head.” Putting on some makeup, a cute outfit, killer heels and banging big earrings helped too. πŸ˜‰



  1. I feel like a hypocrite tell you to hang in there. I am still texturizing mine. Not a bad a perm but still it’s chemicals. I want my to grow out too. But with out the texturizer, it is so thick and will not hold any moisture! I can’t stand it. So I put the texturizer back in and will try growing it out some. Well that is unless I have an anxiety attack and cut it off….very probable….LBVS!

    • Tammi don’t feel like a hypocrite. It’s a process and not everyone can just dive into going natural head first. I have friends who tried to go natural and hated it and went back to getting relaxers. I don’t judge them because I know it’s huge commitment to make. It’s a life style change really. Your entire mindset have to change and you have to be dedicated to the process. If you ever stop with the texturizers (and your hair is gorgeous by the way), you just have to keep your thick hair well moisturized and conditioned. I’ve learned that you have to train your hair and really work with it. Not only is my hair super thick but it’s also very coarse. I’ve noticed my texture softening a wee bit now that I’m more attentive to it. When I had my relaxers I didn’t do half the stuff to my hair that I’m doing now, and when you have chemicals in her hair is when you should really be taking extra care of it! Anyhoo, whenever you do kick the texturizers to the curb I’ll be right there cheering you on and encouraging you girl!!!! πŸ˜‰

  2. Bless your heart! This too shall pass. I have definitely been there. I was talking to two of my cousins at our family reunion this past Saturday (my male cousin has worn long locs years before it became popular to do so, and my female cousin is just transitioning into natural hair), and I was telling both of them that loving and caring for our natural hair is a mindset. It’s hard to go long periods of time being natural when you must hear old recordings in your head about your hair “not being done”, being too “tough to deal with”, being “not pretty unless it’s straight”. My mother would press my hair and then say, “There. Even your face looks better with your hair nicely pressed.” God bless her, and she didn’t mean harm. She was just responding to what SHE knew, and the way SHE had been raised. But that sort of thing is hard for us to get out of our systems, even when we don’t recognize how destructive those old recordings in our heads can be. You have a beautiful face! Enjoy the freedom of being natural and of writing your own rules with regard to what’s beautiful and what’s not. Your natural hair looks wonderful on you. Keep up the good work! (sorry for the blog POST instead of the blog comment…getting down off my soapbox now!) πŸ™‚

    • muhala where do I even begin other than to AMEN everything you said!!! We were taught for generations that nappy hair was ugly. Our hair wasn’t “done” until it was straightened with the straightening comb or relaxed with chemicals. My mom never talked bad about natural hair. She was just a stickler about our hair being combed and neat before we left the house. She felt that was a reflection on her, and it was. She was very good at straightening and pressing our hair and she took very good care of our natural hair and made sure it stayed well conditioned and oiled. I have heard the very comments you mentioned though from ones who felt natural hair or nappy hair wasn’t beautiful and I’m glad that sentiment is changing. Some call it a natural hair movement, and really when you think about it that’s exactly what it is. It’s been a long time coming but I’m happy and proud that so many black women are coming to love and embrace their natural hair. Having natural hair is not easy, it’s hard work but the benefits far out weigh the negative. I always appreciate your comments muhala, and thank you for the compliments! πŸ™‚

  3. Hello :). I have gone through the same thing! I have only been natural for 9 months. I’m still learning. There are days that I feel ugly, days that I second guess my decision. It’s the days when my hair doesn’t come out right, or it’s still wet when I am taking out my twists. Those are the days that make me go hmmmm. But honey, on the days when my hair comes out right, oh yeah! Haha. I am happy to be natural and I’m still learning. I also wore braids all spring and summer to allow my hair some time to grow. And it grew tremendously because it was in a protective style for so long. I will do braids next summer as well. Good luck and stay strong.

    • Hi NickyGoGlam!!

      Thank you so much for your encouraging words!! Doing the b/c requires A LOT of patience! I have a lop-sided fro – it’s HILARIOUS actually and something I can laugh at with my family – but I refuse to cut it to even it out. I did consider doing that at first but then I was like – “I just cut off A LOT of my hair, now it’s growing out why cut off more?” So I’ve embraced the un-eveness (which really only I and those close to me really notice) and I’m going to be getting my braids (FINALLY!) in October to help with the growth. I LOVE braids, they are a wonderful protective style and it’s a nice change from me just rocking my fro. I can’t wait until I can do the twist outs and bantu knots and other styles with my hair! You stay strong too and let’s keep in touch ok?? We need to swap ideas – you’ve been doing this much longer than me! πŸ˜‰

      • Happy Tuesday. Yes, let’s keep in touch. I just followed your blog. :). Lopsided huh? That is funny! There is a part of the back of my hair that is way longer than the rest, but I too refuse to cut it! No one knows but me and you can’t see it when my hair is done, so who cares. Braids are wonderful. Be sure to moisturize your hair a few times per week. I’ve heard a lot of folks forbid that, but I did it for 5 months, and had no issues. I was so worried about my hair being dry and breaking under the braids. I ran the product from root to where my hair ended in the braids, and also coated my scalp with castor oil, once per week. It’s very sticky as you might know, so I used very little. Also, protect your edges! I slept with a satin scarp and was very gentle when I styled the braids. The braids tugged on my edges, and it was so painful, but I learned how to loosen them up- I drenched my edges with oil. Haha. I would NOT receommend that, but again, it worked for me. I look forward to seeing the rest of your journey. You can do it. Stay strong and know that you are beautiful!

      • Yay, I followed you back, AND I’m following you on Pinterest! Follow me back (Sonya Jagers) and be sure to check out my Natural Hair board. Tons of cute styles which is where I’m getting a lot of ideas and inspiration from. You are so right about protecting your edges and moisturizing your hair when you have braids. I want to do the bun thing with my braids but I know it’s not something I’ll do on a regular basis because I don’t want to pull too much on my edges and weaken them. I know not to do my buns too tight and pull on my hair too much but still. My edges are my LIFE, lol!!! I’ve seen many horrific pictures of what pulling too much and too tight on your edges can do. 😦 I also have castor oil and use it on my scalp and will be sure to use it on my scalp with my braids, and I always tie up my hair – braided or not with my satin cap. Thank you again for your kind words and you’re beautiful too hun! πŸ™‚

      • Oh great. Ok, I’m following you on Pinterest. I still don’t get Pinterest. It’s so…. um….. chock full of stuff squeezed in to a tiny space. LOL. I try so hard to like. When I click on the app, all the pictures load and my eyes are darting all over the place. Ha! It’s so much to look at all at one time. Yes, when I wore my braids in buns, I had to use pillows at night so that my bun would lay on it and not fall back and yank on my poor edges. Beauty is painful sometimes. We women go through a lot!

      • LOL! I felt the same way about Pinterest at first, but once you play with it for a little bit you’ll get the hang of it. There is a lot to see, but the good thing is you can simply scroll through everything and pick and choose what you want to see or pin to your boards. Or when you specifically want to see something you can type it in the search box and it’ll pop up. Don’t give up on Pinterest!! πŸ˜‰ Yes us women go through a lot for beauty and when it’s done right it’s SO worth it! πŸ™‚

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