Tag Archives: Love

Showing and Accepting Love

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Sisterhood

This past weekend my husband and I were grocery shopping. While shopping, I noticed a beautiful woman shopping with her elderly mom. She was a tall, plus sized woman with no makeup on and just naturally beautiful to me. She walked with a quiet confidence. It was very regal to me. To top things off, she was natural and was rocking this huge, amazing puff with big hoop earrings. I had made a mental note to compliment her before I left the store. Sadly, I never did. This isn’t like me. Normally I would have been on top of that, but I was distracted more than the usual because we were at a store that we weren’t quite familiar with, so I was more focused on finding what I needed.

We eventually left that store and went to another one across from it to pick up other items we needed. While walking down an aisle, the same woman and her mom were at the end of the aisle. As we got closer to them I heard her say “Wait mom, I need to talk to this beautiful sista.” I look up and she said “I just had to stop you. I saw you in the other store and I told my mom that I thought you were so beautiful. You are a beautiful queen.” My heart melted, y’all. I was so humbled and taken back by her kindness, and amazed that we both had intentions of complimenting each other! We’re complete strangers, yet we both saw beauty in the other. I interrupted her because I had to tell her that I had intended to pay her a compliment as well. I told her “I felt the same about you! You, queen, are also beautiful! And your puff is AH-MAZING!” She rolled her eyes like “Oh my goodness, are you kidding me?” And I said “Stop it. Yes it is. It’s beautiful and you are rocking it girl! Accept it!” We both laughed and she said “Okay, I’ll accept that. But I had to stop you. I think you are a beautiful queen.” Again my heart melted and I said “Come here, I’m a hugger and I need to hug you. Thank you so much for that” and gave her a big, strong hug. My day was made after that. I felt good, I felt uplifted.

I appreciated this strangers love, it was so genuine and heartfelt. We talk about uplifting each other all the time, complimenting each other and building each other up as women, but how often do we actually do this? I know approaching strangers doesn’t come easy for everyone, and I’m not telling anyone to walk around and hug random strangers, but don’t pass up on an opportunity to compliment someone. As humans we need that love. As women we need that love. As natural haired women, we need that love and sisterhood. Giving and receiving love lifts the spirits in a way that nothing else can.

P.S.

After the stranger and I parted ways, my husband says “I mean, you aw-ight looking…I don’t know about all that beautiful stuff she was talking about!” I punched him in the arm as he laughed. He knows he married a beautiful queen. 😉

Undefined Curls

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Afro power

Undefined curls or undefined afros is something I’ve been hearing about for a while but never really paid much attention to. I don’t feel I can continue to ignore it because it’s really starting to bug me since these terms are actually targeted towards those whose 4c hair may not curl up and bounce like other natural hair types. Apparently to some, undefined curls or undefined afros are deemed undesirable or even unkempt. All I want to know is why? I know unkempt hair when I see it, and no it’s not attractive at all. But if a woman decides to just rock her beautiful afro with no particular curl pattern in it, what’s wrong with that? Why do people think that only curly natural hair is pretty?

There was a discussion on FaceBook yesterday regarding an article that had several pictures of women rocking their undefined afros in very elegant ways. The point of the article was to show that women with 4c hair can rock their hair without defined curls and still be beautiful. I think that is a great message to put out there and we need to hear it more. In the comments following the article, one naturalista made a very powerful, eye-opening statement:

“Curls are the new relaxer for natural women.”

I emphatically said “YES” when I read this statement because it is so true! There is a curly hair obsession reminiscent of the creamy crack (chemical relaxers) addiction among many in the natural hair community. There’s an insatiable thirst for curly hair. This, in turn, breeds product junkies because they are constantly searching for that magic potion to curl up their hair and give it the best definition. Somehow, curly naturals have become the standard of beauty to which we all should strive for, and again I want to know why? Please don’t think that I’m bashing those with curly hair because I’m not. I know there are many who have naturally curly hair, and there is nothing wrong with that. There are also those who go through painstaking efforts to make their hair curl. And then there are those who are ok with just letting their natural hair do whatever it is it does.

Many of us became natural because we knew it was the healthiest decision to make. We have educated ourselves and have personally experienced the harmful effects of chemical relaxers. We’ve vowed to get and maintain the healthiest hair possible by going natural. Somewhere along the way, the belief that curly hair is the only hair and the most beautiful hair to have has taken over. Maybe that belief was always there but I ignored it because I was so wrapped up in my own natural hair journey. I never cared about having curly hair because I knew from the beginning what my hair could and could not do, nor was I interested in trying to make it curl up.

As if we don’t have enough fighting and dissention amongst us as black women, it saddens me that we still have to deal with this very old, poisonous belief that kinky hair is ugly and undesirable, but curly (“good hair”) is beautiful. If less emphasis was put on having curly natural hair and more focus is put on natural hair health and the beauty of ALL hair types, then maybe there wouldn’t be such an obsession with achieving the ultimate defined curls. Maybe more naturalista’s would simply love their hair regardless if it can curl up, or if it’s just in an amazing afro standing tall and proud with no emphasis on curls.

Celebrating Love, & Talking Hair

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Sonya & Tara

May 28, 2014 was our 20 year wedding anniversary. We went on a short get away to a lovely resort for a few days – no kids – and we truly enjoyed ourselves. Words cannot explain how much I love this man. He’s my everything!

Beach and Water

The resort was located on the beach, and our room had a beautiful view of the beach and the water from our balcony. The temps were cool but the sun shined every day that we were there. There was little to no humidity which worked well for my hair! Before we left for the trip I did a twist out and wore it that way the first day and then with the headband. Very no fuss which is what I like!

Us

Not only did we celebrate our 20 year wedding anniversary, but I’ve also reached my one year milestone of being natural! Creamy Crack Free is the way to be!! YAY ME!! 🙂 This morning after washing my hair (something I normally do on the weekend instead of during the week), I decided to blow dry it out. I haven’t done this in 5 or more months. After oiling and detangling my hair I proceeded to blow out my hair with the comb attachment on the end of my blow dryer. Boy was I surprised by the volume! Us naturalista’s cannot say enough about SHRINKAGE and how major it is for our hair!

Afro Blowout

Now I totally feel like Pam Grier or Angela Davis with my big, beautiful afro! My wonderful sister in law has offered to flat iron my hair for me, another thing I haven’t done since going natural. At this point I feel it’s necessary because I need my ends clipped. I’ll be sure to post pictures when that happens!

Looking at my hair and my two daughter’s natural hair, I’m simply happy. Happy at how healthy our hair is, happy at the growth all of our hair is experiencing because I’m taking much better care of our hair. My girls and I LOVE our natural hair and how beautiful and versatile it is. I cannot believe it’s already been a year for me, but I look forward to the many years ahead (God willing) of being naturally beautiful!

Me today

It’s Time to Celebrate!

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Champagne glasses

April through June mark various milestones in my life. April 2nd, 2013 is the date of my very last relaxer. April 19, 2013 is when I officially decided to go natural. May 13th is when I let my husband’s barber do my big chop. This coming May 28th is me and my hubby’s 20 year wedding anniversary. I cannot believe it’s been 20 years when I can remember us dating, being engaged, and our wedding day like it was yesterday! All of these milestones are huge and are near and dear to my heart. Besides marrying my best friend and having 4 beautiful children, going natural was one of the best decisions I’ve made in a very long time.

I think back to when I decided to go for the gusto and cut off all of my hair. I did it without a second thought and never felt an ounce of regret after doing it. I was ready, I was fearless. My inner strength came out in a big way because I felt so strong and confident about my decision to take this huge step in my life. I was so excited about this new chapter in my life that I felt like I had to share my journey with the world, so I decided to blog about my experience. My hope with this blog is to inspire and help others. When I see family members and countless friends going natural it warms my heart. It makes me over the moon happy to see them embrace their natural hair, to embrace the hair they were born with. I LOVE swapping ideas, suggestions, hair styles and techniques with them. I love sharing and learning new homemade, natural concoctions that are good for our hair. I also love finding various natural hair care blogs on Facebook and on the internet that talk about everything from techniques, do’s and don’ts and what’s good and not good for our hair. I love positive blogs that are encouraging and invite you to share your ideas and suggestions.

It’s amazing that a year has already passed since deciding to take on my natural hair journey and blogging about it. It’s been a fun ride with ups and downs. The toughest stage for me in all of this was my in between stage. That was when my hair wasn’t long enough to do a twist out or much of anything else to other than wearing an afro. That was very frustrating, but not to the point where I wanted to give up. Then my hair went on a growth spurt and before I knew it I was twisting and plaiting my hair and my afro was huge! I felt like Pam Grier, lol! “Freeze suga!” Was that Foxy Brown of Coffee? That’s a topic for another time. 😉

Last but not least, May 28th will mark 20 years of blissful marriage to my handsome, ridiculously funny, stylish, sweet hubby. Marriage is hard work. HARD WORK. We were very young when we got married, but we knew what we wanted and we knew we were ready. We’ve been friends since grade school. He was best friends with my second oldest brother, his big sister was best friends with my two older sisters, our moms knew each other and were friends. We basically grew up with each other – but we couldn’t stand each other either! Typical right? The person you can’t stand end up being the one you marry. I didn’t see it coming to be honest. Apparently in 7th grade he told my brother that he was going to marry me. He didn’t tell me this until we were engaged. How cute is that? Till this day my brother loves telling that story of how my husband told him all those years ago that he was going to marry me. 🙂 Our marriage produced four beautiful children, two girls and two boys and they are the joys of our lives. Our oldest son will be graduating high school this June, another big milestone for our family! I still can’t believe we have an 18 year old…… sheesh!

All I can say is that we are blessed. Through the good and bad times we’ve been blessed to have life, each other, a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, and a little change in our pockets to take care of our babies and make them happy and comfortable. I wouldn’t trade my life for the world. I wouldn’t trade the struggles either because those things made us stronger as a couple and as individuals. It made me love that tall drink of water even more. 😉 That’s what marriage is about – working through the good and the bad, sickness and health. Sickness and health especially. We’ve had our fair share of scary moments with sickness and to be where we are today – it’s all glory and praise to God.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you for your continued support. Thank you for allowing me to get mushy over my lover husband as our 20 year wedding anniversary approaches! There were a lot of doubters, a lot of nay-sayers and HATERS when we got married. People said we wouldn’t last, they said we were too young and didn’t know what we were doing – and yet here we are 20 years later still madly in love and still going strong. What on earth could be better than that? Oh wait…..I know! Me going NATURAL!! HA!!!! 😉 *Just kidding*