Educating Does Not Equal Judging

Since I’ve started vlogging on Youtube, I’ve noticed in some of the comments on my videos that a lot of people feel like I’m judging other people’s hair or haircare choices. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My goal has always been to educate black women about their natural hair and the healthiest ways to care for their hair based on my own research and experience. You don’t have to like or agree with what I say, but Google has always been free so feel free to do your own research. As a matter of fact, I strongly encourage doing your own research.

I go out of my way to uplift and be encouraging to all because being natural isn’t easy for everyone. Especially if you’ve never seen or dealt with your natural hair because you’ve gotten relaxers your entire life. Many are intimidated, insecure, and have very low self confidence in themselves when it comes to being natural, so the last thing we need is more negativity. If I can help others avoid common natural hair pitfalls that many newbies encounter, then I’m going to share my knowledge as much as possible.

Being on social media, I follow a lot of natural hair and loc pages on Facebook and Instagram. One of my favorites is locmamas on Instagram. She is a professional loctician of 26 years and is based out of Atlanta, GA and also has a shop in Philly. Last week she posted a video of a young lady’s locs who combed out her ends to have the goddess braids look.

The image below is how goddess braids look on someone who does not have locs.

The image below is the look/current trend called “goddess locs” that those with locs are trying to achieve.

Below is what the young lady did to her hair trying to achieve the goddess locs look. In this photo she’s sitting in a salon chair to have repairs made to her locs.

Ladies, please listen: If your natural hair does not have a loose curl pattern or curl up naturally when water touches it versus drawing up into an afro the minute moisture of any kind touches it, this style WILL NOT work for you. And if you can somehow get your ends to curl up, I know for a fact it’s going to take a lot of products and time to make that happen. But the bigger question is WHY? Why take down the ends of your locs for a look or style that you are bound to get bored with until the next trend comes along? This is the part of the game that I will never understand and it’s a conversation that needs to be had.

Unfortunately, the world is full of trend and fad followers thanks to social media. (i.e. videos of naturals getting relaxers or Jheri Curls, naturals relaxing their edges, videos of naturals and those with locs dying their hair different colors every other week, people combing out or cutting off their locs – and all mostly done for social media views and clicks.) What is equally unfortunate is that there are a lot of black women (young and old) who refuse to educate themselves about their natural hair. The end result of these trends are damaged hair, regret, tears and the need for someone to correct their mistakes.

When professional locticians and beauticians express their frustration with these trends, (which ultimately result in their phones blowing by people wanting them to fix the damage they’ve done to their hair) they’re accused of being judgmental. Please make it make sense.

“Why do you care what people do their hair?”

“Let people live!”

“You need to stop judging people’s personal choices!”

“It’s their hair, not yours!”

Really?

You’re right. It is their hair and their decision to make. But when you follow fads despite being advised against doing certain things to your hair and you do it anyway… only to find out that the advice you were given was correct… and now you’re asking that same person to FIX the damage you’ve caused, don’t you think it’s only natural for that beautician or loctician to feel a certain way? We brag on how versatile our kinky, coily hair is, how easy it is for African American women to change up their style at any given moment. Yes we can wear our hair natural, we can straighten it, we can crimp it, have finger waves, get braids, weaves, and wigs in every style imaginable. But we have to do better at doing these things in a safe and healthy way! It disturbs and saddens me to see so many women creating harmful content for clicks and their followers following their lead because it’s the latest trend on social media. It’s sending out the wrong message and it’s hurting the natural hair community.

We must get out of this idea that giving correct hair advice is equal or equivalent to judging. It is not! It only feels or sounds like judgement because you’re not hearing what you want to hear. Too many people want to be told that it’s ok to do all the damaging and unhealthy things that they want to do to their hair. Or, they’ve already done some damaging and unhealthy things to their hair and they don’t want to be told that it’s unhealthy or wrong. These same people will flip it and say “Well it worked for me…I’ve been doing it for years and my hair is healthy.” What they’re not telling you is how many times they’ve had to big chop and start all over because their hair fell out. Their not telling you how damaged their ends were or that the breakage they experienced was so severe that they had patches all over their head.

Beauticians and locticians may not have all the answers, but what they do have is experience. Those who have many years under their belt have seen and heard it all, especially from the hard headed clients who insist on doing damaging things to their hair and then come back to them to fix the damage. They are irritated, frustrated and tired. They wouldn’t be doing their jobs if they didn’t educate and try to correct bad hair habits. And when vloggers like myself and others make videos or post blogs about unhealthy and damaging hair habits, it’s to help – not judge. We all know that everyone has the right to do whatever it is they want to do to their hair. We just want you to be informed and do things in a safe and healthy way. As members of the natural hair community, it is all of our duty to teach.

2022

I cannot believe we’re almost a month into the new year! I haven’t blogged much because there has been A LOT going on in my life outside of my locs, mostly good things like starting my cookie business, being at a new job, and planning for the future. But I do feel the need to catch you up on some things hair related because…that’s what I do! So let’s get into it!

New Loctician???

Y’all know how I’ve been back and forth on finding a new loctician versus self maintaining my hair. I would start my search and stop, find someone and be disappointed. The last person I found to establish my daughter’s locs and to hopefully go to for my retie was on a whim and she turned out to be a total FLAKE. She was never on time for her appointments and always had some long drawn out story/excuse for it. I’m talking 35 – 45 minutes late, and even had the nerve to ask to reschedule for later in the day because she was sick and hung over from partying the night before! She’s young, but definitely old enough to know better! If doing hair is your main gig then you need to step your game up and be a professional. She has zero respect for other people’s time but wants everyone to be understanding of her situations. Sweetie, when people are trying to get their hair done they don’t want to hear about your bad planning and forgetfulness. And the sad part in all of this is the girl is GOOD at what she does. She does BEAUTIFUL work! She started my daughter’s locs and did her first retie and did great work both times. She’s extremely talented and knowledgeable but very unprofessional.

About a month or so later, I found my current “loctician” through my cousin who started her loc journey but later combed her locs out. We’ll discuss that in a later post. I found out the young lady’s name and made an appointment for myself because I was in desperate need of a retie at the time. The shop was located deep in the hood, but that didn’t bother me. I’ve been to plenty of shops in the hood in the past and my hair got laid, okay? I was more concerned about how she was as a person, her skill level, etc. This young lady is younger than the previous girl I went to, but that didn’t bother me either. She was very kind, already at the shop and waiting for me unlike the previous loctician, and very gentle in washing my hair and doing my retwist.

Plot twist: I no longer interlock my new growth – I now twist! There’s so much I have to catch y’all up on!

Listen. She was so gentle doing my retwist that I fell asleep during most of it!!! It had been so long, years even, since I’ve had gentle hands in my hair that it felt like heaven on earth! I’m not exaggerating. Ever since I started my loc journey, from the person who started my locs and all the other people who have touched my locs since, they have either tugged, pulled, or done my reties too tight to where my scalp hurt for several days later. When this young lady got done, my scalp felt refreshed, clean and wonderful! My locs were light and bouncy and shiny. I loved it. So here’s why I put question marks behind ‘new loctician:

After I got my hair done, I immediately scheduled an appointment for my daughter for her second retie. Now my daughter has traditional locs and they are clearly new. The young lady studies my daughters hair and looks concerned. I ask her if anything is wrong and she says “No….I’m just concerned about how frizzy her locs are.”

Come again??

This was when I knew she was not quite a loctician by definition at all. Right now she’s someone who knows how to do neat reties and style locs. When it comes to the locking process and the different stages, she needs to learn more. Frizzy locs are most definitely part of the locking process, especially in the beginning stages of locs. Having said all of that, I’m gonna stick beside her.

She’s young and she’s only going to get better and grow as she learns.

She’s already taken steps to move out of her uncle’s shop (which is hideous and in desperate need of a total remodel and makeover) that was located in the hood to a better shop in a better neighborhood. (I hate barber or beauty shops where it’s clear that the money they make goes directly into their pockets instead of into fixing up their shop, getting new chairs, equipment, etc. so the customers can have a wonderful and comfortable experience!) I applaud her for making such a move because she stated that she knows she’s lost clients or potential clients because of where she worked and the atmosphere. Speaking of atmosphere, it was very loud with loud sometimes in appropriate music. It was a busy shop where choice language is used in front of children and women which I found to be highly disrespectful, but I was also so immersed in my scalp being pampered that I tuned out most of it. This young lady wants to elevate her clientele and their experience, and I totally respect that.

If you follow my Youtube channel Its Sonya, you probably know all about the issues I’ve encountered with various locticians since getting locs three years ago. It hasn’t been an easy journey to say the least, but now I’m in a place of acceptance. I’ve finally accepted the fact that I will never find the perfect loctician where I live, and if there is one in my city I’ll never get an appointment with he or she because they are booked well into the next year! Yes, I can do my own hair when forced to, but I’d much rather have someone else do it for me. I’m that kind of person. I want to be pampered. I don’t think this young lady will damage me or my daughter’s hair. I’ve seen her work, and she does beautiful work and she’s gentle. I’m willing to grow with her as she learns.

I guess you can say 2022 has been good to me so far. My locs are still growing and flourishing. What more can you ask? Getting locs is still hands down the second best hair decision I’ve ever made besides going natural. 🙌🏾🙌🏾👍🏾👍🏾

My Two Cents on Black Hair Salons And Natural Hair

It’s been a while since I’ve had a soap box moment, and what inspired this blog is an article I read posted by Curly Nikki on FaceBook titled “The Death of The Black Hair Salon.” It was a very hot topic that many naturals chimed in on, including myself. The majority of those who posted a response had the same experiences and complaints:

• Wasting an entire day at the salon because of over-booking, slow service, or both.
• Damage done to hair and scalp (too much heat, harsh relaxers, etc)
• Ridiculous prices

For me, I got fed up with my beautician of 8 years because she simply didn’t respect me or my time. Because she is a great stylist with a clientele that could circle the block many times over, she felt that she could come in late (and by late I mean be a half hour to an hour late to your appointment), take two and three customers ahead of you, take 45 minute breaks to talk and chit chat and laugh with her family and friends who basically lived in the shop, and take 45 minute breaks to eat.

I share the blame for this because I allowed this behavior to go on. I loved the way she styled my hair, she understood me and knew my style preference. At the same time, I absolutely DETEST looking for new beauticians, so I overlooked and endured this treatment. Don’t get me wrong, there were times when I forewarned her before sitting in her chair that I had to be out by a certain time because I had things to do. Over time she became worse, and I became more and more pissed.

I would purposely make early morning appointments with the hopes of getting out of the shop before noon. Yes, I said noon. But low and behold, there would be three other ladies waiting with me who also had 8 o’clock appointments with my beautician. During all of this I was seriously considering going natural. I had been contemplating going natural for the past four or five years. As my beautician became worse with her tardiness, coming late to the shop with an attitude as if we, her faithful customers, did something wrong to her, my decision became easier to make.

My hair was very damaged by the heat and by the relaxers. I was curling or flat ironing my hair almost every day. For years I wore my hair in short jazzy hair styles, and with short hair (at least for me) your hair looks better curled, and that’s what I did every day. I curled it, basically fried it, to death. I had so much breakage it wasn’t even funny. Deep down I knew this wasn’t right. Deep down I knew my hair deserved better and it needed to be taken care of properly with lots of TLC. The only way I could do this was to start from scratch, and that’s what I did.

Big chopping wasn’t a big deal to me because my hair was already very short. I stopped going to the shop and I stopped getting relaxers. The only relaxer that remained in my hair was at the top, and I began to trim it out little by little myself. I went to my husband’s barber and had him finish the job and that freed me from the creamy crack. That began my natural hair journey. I’ll never forget the day that I went to my husband’s barber. When he was finished I smiled so much, and I couldn’t stop smiling if you paid me to. I. WAS. FREE.

There’s an unwillingness on the part of black beauticians and salons to educate themselves on caring for and styling natural hair. I’ve been turned away by many who turned their noses up at having natural hair customers, yet they complain about and wonder why they are losing business? They wrongly believe that the natural hair movement is just a fad, that it will run it’s course and black women will come tearing down their doors begging for the creamy crack again. I strongly disagree. While there are many who have gone back to the creamy crack, the number is very small compared to those who are joining the natural hair community.

Many blame YouTube vloggers and DIY videos for the black salon losing business. There wouldn’t be a need for YouTube DIY videos if beauticians would educate themselves and learn how to care for all hair types and not just slathering chemicals on our hair. We’re in an age where women are more informed, and the information is out there at your finger tips if you want to research your options. Women they want to live healthier lifestyles and they want to save a buck. We want to learn how to do things ourselves, and I think that’s a positive thing. Not all naturalista’s are into DIY. There are many who still go to salons and have found a natural hair salon or beautician to care for their hair. There is nothing wrong with that. Matter of fact, I’m still looking for a good natural hair beautician!

Most of all, our time is precious, and if black salons refuse to respect our time, then they will continue to lose customers period, and not to just the natural hair movement.