The Black Beauty Effect Docuseries on Netflix – My Review *EDITED*

It was just last week when I saw the promo for this docuseries on Instagram. The 10 second clip had me immediately intrigued, especially when they touched on natural hair. Since I had taken Friday off from work, I knew what was on my to-do list for the weekend.

I actually started to watch the docuseries Thursday evening and continued to watch until I finished it on Saturday. The three part series focused on the following areas in black beauty and how black women and men contributed to the beauty industry:

1. The Beat Effect (Makeup)
2. The Skin Effect
3. The Crown Effect (Hair)

What I liked about this series was the different women they used to speak. They came from all ages and backgrounds – black scholars, trailblazers and current trendsetters and entrepreneurs. They were powerful women in their own rights. Not only did they speak to their own experiences, they gave much needed history lessons regarding how we revolutionized makeup, skin care, and hair. Some of the people I already knew about, but there were a few that I wasn’t familiar with. I plan on researching the ones I didn’t know about later on.

When I got to the last part of the docuseries, I paid closer attention because now they were talking about natural hair. While I loved what they had to say and the history lessons that were given, I felt it was lacking. Yes, I know this docuseries was primarily about the contributions of black men and women to the beauty industry and was meant to give them kudos. So of course they had limited time and planned on talking about specific things. In hindsight, maybe this wasn’t the documentary to dive deep into the issues within the natural hair community, specifically the natural hair movement. However, I think a small portion could have been dedicated to that topic. At the end of the day, a discussion needs to be had about the state of the natural hair movement as it stands today.

A lot of people, including some who participated in the docuseries, have made millions if not billions of dollars off the the natural hair movement. You have those who started making products in their kitchens and then blew up over night and eventually sold their brand to Proctor & Gamble or other major corporations. What these brands and big corporations do is create product junkies. They see the amount of money black women spend on products for their hair, so they continuously pump out “new” products for them to buy. Black women buy them because of the results that these products promise to provide when most times they don’t. Products became the new creamy crack, and that’s why the natural hair movement was more beneficial to corporations than black women.

Greed and capitalism took over while the rest of us were left holding our party favors and drinks wondering why the party ended. Where’s the fun? Who turned off the music? The party is over. It ended years ago when the focus turned to products and money instead of actually helping black women care for their natural hair. The hosts of the party shut it down once they got what they wanted and were able to stuff their pockets full of money. Their parting advice before they sped off in their luxury cars was “Make sure you buy my ENTIRE product line that’s now available in Walmart, Target, and Walgreens!”

I don’t begrudge anyone making money. If you put out a quality product that actually does what it says it will do for black women’s hair, I’m all for it. What I’m against and absolutely hate are the bandwagon jumpers who put out crap knowing it’s not going to work for the average natural haired black woman. And there are A LOT of companies out there who push garbage on the black female consumer. This is the part of the natural hair movement that I hate and detest. And I hate that black women have fallen for the BIGGEST LIE: that they need five or more different products in order for their hair to “act right”. All this does is turn black women into product junkies while feeding greedy corporations pockets.

At the end of the day, we’re in a never-ending cycle of dysfunction. I honestly feel like I’m on an island by myself when it comes to this topic. I feel let down by the natural hair community and I feel we’ve dropped the ball when it comes to educating black women. There are some black women out there who are doing the work and doing their best to educate. But I can’t just blame the natural hair community as a whole.

Black women need to hold themselves accountable too.

We can’t continue the cycle of “This is all I know” or “This is how my mama and grandma took care of my hair”. In the age of technology – Google and YouTube in particular – there really is no acceptable excuse. In 2023, we know relaxers are not good for us. They are a detriment to our health and life. When we see our edges going bald and the baldness spreading from over use of wigs and weaves, we know it’s from wearing those wigs and weaves and braids too often. But we do it anyway. And THAT is the problem. Instead of getting our natural hair healthy, allowing our scalps to breathe, and loving our natural selves, we’ve become addicted to the easy cover up. We hide. Instead of correcting and fixing problems, we continue in the same harmful cycle.

Maybe the task or idea of bringing the natural hair community and movement to a healthier, helpful space is too big. It’s too far-reaching. Me and my grand ideas are expecting miracles instead of being realistic. I guess all I can do is do my little part with my blog and my YouTube channel and just keep making content with the intent of educating and helping. This is so frustrating to me, though. I see the beauty in us, our hair, our culture. But I also see a lot of black women and men who are still brainwashed and live by Eurocentric beauty standards. Our beauty and it’s power has been lost and it’s a shame. We’ve become comfortable not being ourselves and going out of our way to look like someone else. That’s sad.

Yes, black people have contributed greatly to beauty standards. We’ve revolutionized everything from makeup, skincare and hair care. We are an innovative people. We are the standard. But we also need to remind ourselves that our natural beauty is the standard. Our natural beauty is beautiful. It’s what has so many cosmetic doctors rich because so many non black women want bigger lips, hips, legs and butts. All the things the majority of us have naturally. Why can’t we love ourselves and stop judging one another with trivial things like how light our skin is, how long our hair is or thinking a certain texture is better than a kinkier texture? We are using old disgusting standards like the brown paper bag test, but have flipped it to use hair texture and skin color to measure one’s beauty and worth. It’s sick and it’s sad. Until we get past such negative, trivial and divisive behaviors, we will stay stuck. There will never be unity.

In the end, The Black Beauty Effect was quite enjoyable and relatable. I learned new things, it made me feel more pride in how innovative we are with the things we had to overcome because we were refused opportunities and treated as less than. Our needs were never considered when it came to skincare, haircare or makeup. We had to fend for ourselves or make do with what we had and what was available. We are resilient, smart, and innovative because not only did we come up with hair, skin and makeup that suited our needs, we blew up the industries. If there’s one thing we will do, we will figure things out! I love that about us! There are so many layers to black people and our stories and journey. I don’t know if the natural hair movement is even still a thing let alone something that can be fixed or resurrected. I think I’m the one holding out hope for a revival, a rebirth of unity and I’m just fooling myself. I can keep wishing and hoping, though.

I hope one day someone will stumble upon my blog and read my words and see the need for a change or a pivot in the natural hair community.

*EDITED REVIEW*

I decided to watch this docuseries one more time and really listen to everything that was stated from start to finish. I wanted to soak in everything to make sure I wasn’t missing or overlooking anything. When I did this, I quickly realized that I wasn’t paying attention to a lot of key things that were discussed.

First, when it came to the creator of Carol’s Daughter, Lisa Price, discussing why she sold her business to Loreal – I was completely wrong. I have said on numerous occasions that she sold to Proctor & Gamble. That is false. I called her a sell out and was extremely disappointed in her selling while not understanding the business side of it all. I think most of us in the black community, those of us who supported and bought her products for years and even before she blew up, felt let down and disappointed. But when Lisa Price explained why she sold the business to Loreal it made total business sense. Once your business has done well and sold a lot of products and made a lot of money it can become stagnant. You have to find a way to continue to make money for yourself and your investors. Selling your business while it’s hot is what makes the most sense, and that’s what she did.

I apologize for my lack of understanding and ignorance. You could tell that being called a sell out – especially when all you’ve tried to do is HELP the black community – hurt Lisa Price. I think at the time the public was so hurt and in their feelings that they weren’t trying to hear WHY she sold her business, myself included. But hearing her explain the business side and why she did what she did and how she was able to create more businesses and more jobs for people of color, I applaud her for being able to do that. The moral of the story is sometimes you have to sell to continue to grow when it comes to business.

I also came to realize that I need to do better when it comes to my personal skin care. I’m 50 years old and there are a lot of things that I’m not doing that I should, such as wearing sunscreen EVERY DAY. Black people as a whole need to do a better job at wearing sunscreen. Black DOES crack! We DO and CAN get skin cancer and sunburn. I have dry skin so I need butters and creams for my skin, and I need to apply them at night. And I need to take my eye makeup off every night before going to bed. I have to stop being so lazy with that!

In conclusion, please watch this docuseries on Netflix! It’s worth the watch and you will enjoy it immensely!

My Weight Loss Journey And My Hair

For the past six months (or more) I’ve been on a health and wellness journey. I was tired of being fat and very fearful of my health spiraling out of control that could result in me having all the things I never want to have: diabetes, high blood pressure, or cancer. My husband and I renewed our membership to the gym at the beginning of the year and we’d never go. One of the gyms is located less than a block away from my job. There was no excuse for me not utilizing it. And then I just started to go over my lunch hour and I haven’t stopped since. I typically go 3-4 times a week on my lunch hour and spend 25 – 30 minutes there working out on weight machines or doing cardio on the treadmill or stationary bike.

I am pre-diabetic or borderline diabetic – they both mean the same thing – and my last lab work showed that my A1-C levels were very high. I was angry and very disappointed because I’ve put in so much work going to the gym and changing my diet and losing weight. But this was the wakeup call I needed because I needed to change my diet even more and truly leave sugar and sweets – all the things I love – alone. I tweaked my diet and I’m still working out regularly and the weight has been coming off.

So far I’ve lost 25 pounds and I’m not stopping. I’m not comfortable or happy at my current weight. I won’t be happy until I am out of the danger zone of being diabetic and I reach my goal weight. Working out regularly has increased my stamina. My cravings have died down tremendously. Even if I’m stressed out or worrying about something I’m not grabbing all the bad snacks and candy for comfort. I’d rather exercise instead.

While I’ve been focused on my weight loss and health, my hair has been growing. I haven’t been paying much attention to it, but my husband has been pointing it out to me regularly. Usually what is more common is hair loss after weight loss, particularly rapid weight loss with restrictive diets or weight loss surgery. I don’t consider my diet to be restrictive other than cutting out all the bad things I used to eat, and I haven’t had any lap band or weight loss surgeries.

Working out regularly promotes healthy hair growth. When we exercise blood circulation increases, allowing for more nutrients and oxygen to get to your scalp. In order for hair to grow, each hair follicle must receive nutrients and oxygen from the body’s blood vessels. An increase in blood flow means that more nutrients and oxygen are reaching the scalp. If you perform 30 minutes of cardio three times per week, this will help nourish your hair follicles and result in increased hair growth. Now you tell me who doesn’t want that?

My husband’s keen eye is correct – my hair is growing and growing more than I realized. I’m proud of my healthy habits and regular visits to the gym and working out at home when I don’t go to the gym. I’m seeing results and I’m feeling better. I still have bad knees, but it no longer hurts to walk like it used to. Losing weight isn’t the cure for my knee problems, but it has helped them tremendously. There was a point where I was visibly limping when I walked and was in constant pain. I couldn’t sleep at night and would wake up in pain because of my knees. That doesn’t happen anymore.

If you want hair growth, work out for 30 minutes three times per week doing cardio. Get active and stay active and get that blood flowing throughout your body. Yes our hair will grow regardless, but you will notice an increase when you start a healthy exercise and diet routine. I’m proud of myself. I’m proud that I got tough with myself and I’m sticking to my guns and not giving into temptations no matter how strong they may be. This isn’t about longer hair, longer hair just happens to be an added benefit. This is my journey to a healthier me.

Products – The New Chemical Relaxer

Never did I imagine that products geared towards natural black hair would replace chemical relaxers as the next addiction for black women. We’ve gone from saying no to creamy crack to saying yes to anything that claims to be for black natural hair. How did we not see this coming? Was it because the natural hair movement was so new and everyone was so excited to be apart of it? Were we too busy fighting amongst ourselves because we had cliques of naturals who were extreme, others who were in the middle, and others who were spot on with their views on natural hair? Or were we too busy fighting with pro-relaxer stylists who knew the natural hair movement was costing them money and clients so they went out of their way to discourage black women from going natural?

I’d say it was a mixture of all of the above. While we were busy trying to get the message out that chemical relaxers are bad for our bodies and fighting amongst ourselves, beauty companies were sitting back watching and figuring out how they could profit off of the natural hair movement. Black women – if you haven’t already noticed, we generate a lot of money for these beauty companies because of our spending habits. We spare no expense when it comes to our hair, and these companies know this. That is why it was so easy for them to swoop in and figure out what we were looking for in hair products, and then create sub-par or out right trash products full of harmful chemicals to sell to us. And to top it all off, they make sure they use words like “Natural, Organic, For Natural Hair, Shea Butter, Jojoba Oil, Olive Oil”, on their product labels. We took the bait – hook, line and sinker.

This is no different than fast food restaurants and liquor stores being strategically inserted into poor inner cities across the country instead of health food stores or healthy restaurant chains. And then doctors wonder why black people and other minorities are so unhealthy, overweight and dying from cancer at such higher rates than white people. This is all by design. They make more money off of us being sick than healthy. These beauty companies don’t care about black women going bald, getting cancer, having painful fibroid tumors, or young black girls getting their periods too early because of years of using harmful chemical relaxers. And they don’t care about using harmful chemicals in products that are geared toward black women with natural hair.

It’s a shame that being natural isn’t a simple, easy thing to do for all black women, because it should be. At this point in the game, everything comes down to choice. There’s enough information out there for us to educate ourselves. Google is free. We’ve all heard the reports of how harmful chemical relaxers are. And with these hair relaxer/cancer lawsuits that are being advertised all over social media, it’s hard for anyone to say that they didn’t know or haven’t heard about any of this. But if you decide to go natural, you still have choices to make. You have to be very careful about what products you choose to put on your hair and scalp. You need to read labels and understand which chemicals are harmful and which are good.

This is why I advocate for natural DIY remedies when it comes to caring for natural hair. When you make it yourself, you know exactly what you are putting on your hair. You have complete control, and if something goes wrong you only have yourself to blame. If something goes right then you can pat yourself on the back and be proud of yourself. I grew up with a natural hair guru, my mother, who knew the natural remedies to use on our hair to keep our hair healthy, and they worked. Our hair grew, our hair was free from split ends, and our hair was healthy. I get that not everyone wants to make things themselves. But it is an option that should be explored, and it can save you a lot of money from buying expensive products.

Natural Hair Nazis & Product Pushing Ruined The Natural Hair Community

I was reflecting on some of the issues plaguing the natural hair community. When I first went natural I found and joined natural hair groups on facebook and I found natural hair Youtubers to follow that I felt gave great advice. What I quickly came to realize is that there are a lot of crazy zealots out there who are looking for blind followers and worshippers. Literally. There were rules that they came up with that you had to agree to abide by before joining these groups, and there were crazy, rabid admins who policed every comment made, and if they were perceived as negative towards the “page leader/organizer” or if you disagreed with what the page leader/organizer said, you were immediately kicked out of the group and blocked. I cannot tell you how many groups I’ve come across like this in the beginning of my natural hair journey.

I call these crazy women Natural Hair Nazis because that’s exactly how they behaved. They wanted blind followers who agreed with everything they said and followed their ideas and practices when it came to their natural hair. These are the people who ruined the natural hair community in my opinion. There were many like myself who became jaded and disappointed with the amount of people who were more interested in having natural hair disciples or selling their e-books and products instead of providing a welcoming space of learning, discussion, encouragement, positivity and sisterhood. Over time I watched how many began to adopt the attitude of “To each his own” because they became so tired of these weirdos trying to force their way of thinking on everyone else.

In the almost 10 years that have passed since encountering and distancing myself from Natural Hair Nazis, I feel like natural hair education stopped being the focus. More and more people are focused on branding themselves and getting followers for the content they create. There are a lot of naturals who do product reviews and how to videos, and some do very well as far as monetizing their content, partnering with brands and gaining followers. But this is also where I feel torn because while I’m all for people getting their coins, I have a huge problem with product pushing. I know there are still those out there who do put out content that focuses on hair health, natural remedies and DIY recipes specifically for natural hair. I also wish those content creators got the shine they deserve in the natural hair community. Instead, the natural hair community, as it stands today, is more focused on product pushing, and that is a huge part of the disconnect that I see.

The majority of the products on the market today do not work on black women’s hair. The products that do work on our hair either don’t work for long or it works but it’s very expensive. But the bigger problem is a lot of products on the shelves contain harmful ingredients despite being labeled as “natural” or “organic”. They also use other eye catching words on their labels like shea butter, jojoba oil or any other type of oil that we know is good for our hair, but the product has little or none of those actual oils in it. So not only are we watching our wallets as far as how much we spend on products, but now we have to be diligent about reading labels. And let’s be honest, there are a lot of us who are not reading the labels to check for harmful ingredients. We just care about whether or not this product is going to make our natural hair curl and bounce and shine as advertised. And because a lot of these products do not live up to their promises, we get into the cycle of trying a different product, and another, and another. Before you know it you’re a full blown product junkie.

Even though I’m going on five years loc’d, I still see some of this mindset (negativity, harmful hair practices, and loc purists) in the loc community. People want to know what products they should use on their locs to soften them, to make them grow faster or loc faster. The secret is time and patience. That’s it. You have to be gentle and kind to your locs the same as you would be towards your loose natural hair. It amazes me how many people don’t know or realize this. It also amazes me how little people know about their natural hair, and it’s because of…you guessed it…lack of education. So maybe that’s where I go with my blog and my Youtube channel. Maybe my pivot is going back to natural hair education. Instead of complaining about what the natural hair community lacks, get back into doing my part in educating.

See, this is why I blog. Sometimes I have to talk through my feelings and problems with you guys to figure out my next move! Thanks for listening.

Four Years Loc’d

You guys know I’m a firm believer in documenting journeys. I’ve documented my natural hair journey from my big chop through locking my hair. I have so many pictures that I wanted to include in this post but they wouldn’t all download in WordPress. (Booo, hisssss!) Most of the pictures here are from year three til present. What I love about these photos is no matter how my locs looked, I still felt pretty. I love my locs!

There are a lot of people who don’t like their new growth to show. Some even go into a full blown panic when they have too much new growth. I love the fullness that new growth gives. Granted, my new growth can get unruly quite fast, I still love it. Locs in their true form aren’t meant to look neat. But sisterlocks are an alternative for those who like a neat look or who want the appearance of loose natural hair.

My loc journey has taken many twists and turns over these four years. I was infatuated with sisterlocks, so that’s what I got. About six months into my journey I realized I made a mistake in my loc choice. At the same time, I was having issues with my then loctician. After having locs for a year, I parted ways with her only to be disappointed by a few others.

Then the pandemic hit in 2020 and everything shut down. I had to make the decision of whether to self-maintain my locs or combine them. I had been thinking about combining them anyway so that’s what I did with the help of my sister-in-law. It was the best decision I could have made. I was much happier with my combined locs. I would go on to combine my locs several more times over the next two years. I did this for two main reasons: 1. I wanted my locs to be bigger. 2. I experienced thinning locs because I had gone too long in between reties and in order to save them I had to combine them. While looking for a new loctician, I had also decided that I would try twisting/palm rolling instead of interlocking. When I found my new person, that’s exactly what she did for me and she’s excellent at it and I couldn’t be happier. I feel my locs are thriving now.

There are many people that I know personally who started their loc journey around the same time as me and have cut off or combed out their locs and started their loc journeys over because they didn’t like the way they looked. Some didn’t like their parting, some didn’t like their size and they’d rather start over than be unhappy with how their hair looked. I get it. You have to do what makes you happy and what makes you feel confident. For me, I felt like I had invested so much money and time into my journey that starting over had to be my absolute last resort. They only way I’d start over is if my locs started to break off or fall out. I embraced the changes my locs went through, from combining and not having a true parting system. It never bothered me that my locs are different shapes and sizes. They are all unique. Otherwise I’m sticking with my locs and the journey continues!

I’m not ready to give up my hair freedom. I’m not willing to start over. I haven’t tired of my locs despite the challenges I’ve faced in my journey. Through all the changes, my hair continues to grow and thrive. I’m kind to my hair, I don’t do tight hair styles, I’m not constantly coloring my hair. Matter of fact, I rarely style my hair at all. I wear my satin bonnet to bed every night and I oil my scalp and locs as needed. I do need to do better with moisturizing my locs, but for the most part my locs are pretty healthy.

Locs have boosted my confidence. I feel prettier than ever, I feel sexy. I never thought I’d have hair this long in my life. I honestly don’t feel it would have grown this long as a loose natural. I want my hair to continue to grow and thrive, and it makes me happy that others look at my hair and want to loc their hair as well. It makes me happy hearing that others decided to loc their hair because of watching me on my loc journey. But what makes me the happiest is that my youngest daughter started her loc journey one year ago and my oldest daughter is about to embark on her loc journey soon. I’ve never been more proud!

My loc journey didn’t stop once my locs matured. My loc journey didn’t stop once my hair grew past my shoulders. Your loc journey continues as long as you have locs. Your hair will go through changes as your body changes. Age, menopause, hormones, LIFE. Here’s what four years of being locked have taught me:

1. When you leave your hair alone your hair will grow. Loc your hair.
2. If you have issues with patience, locs will force you have patience. There are no satisfying shortcuts. Loc your hair.
3. I thought my confidence got a boost big chopping and going natural. Having to watch my hair go through all the locking stages really taught me confidence and self love. Loc your hair.
4. I never knew what Hair Freedom was until I locked my hair. Being able to get up and go without worrying about my hair is everything. My hair can go from casual to elegant with a ponytail, bun, or braids without the use of chemical relaxers, flat irons, or a ton of products. I can flip my locs to one side and have an instant style for the day. This is true Hair Freedom. Loc your hair.

CHEERS to four years of being locked! CHEERS to Hair Freedom!!!

New Journeys

Sunday, October 16, 2022 marked my youngest daughter’s one year loc-versary. To celebrate I baked her some brownies with chocolate frosting from scratch. The previous day my oldest daughter came to me and said that she wants to start her loc journey. I had to stop myself from getting too excited because my daughter is very fickle and she loves playing in her hair. She was frustrated when she announced this to me because she wasn’t getting a response from her hair braider and she’s getting tired of figuring out what to do with her hair. I get it. I was in the exact same spot five years ago before I locked my hair. To see how serious she was, I asked her questions like:

• Are you sure you’re ready for this commitment?
• How do you know you won’t get tired of the locs or the process and decide to do something else?
• Do you know what kind of locs you want?
• What size?
• How do you want to start them?
• What research have you done?

She had answers for all of my questions except for two of them. She showed me pictures from her loc board on Pinterest of the size of locs she wants (she wants traditional locs on the medium/large side), so she’s been giving this some thought. I told her that the next step would be to schedule a consultation with my loctician so she can see her hair and together they can figure out the best way to start her locs – comb coil, two strand twists, insta-locs, or interlocking. I told her how much it would cost so she can save her money and schedule a day for her installation.

I’m trying my best not to get too excited, y’all. Of course I’m over the moon happy that my oldest daughter wants to join the loc family, but I also know my child, lol! She can speak out of frustration one day and want to loc up her hair and then decide that she misses her loose natural hair the next day and comb out her locs. I’ll believe that she’s serious once she makes the appointment for her consultation and then make an appointment for her installation.

She’s watched me go through my sisterlock journey and now microloc journey, and she’s watched her younger sister go through her traditional loc journey. She knows what to expect and she’s seen us go through the loc stages with our different journeys. To me that’s a huge advantage to have. Whatever she decides I’ll support her either way. But I hope she joins the loc family so she can experience true hair freedom!

Enjoy Your Loc/Natural Hair Journey

I was extremely excited and eager to learn everything when I went natural, and the same applied when I decided to loc my hair. Unfortunately, my excitement got dampened when I really immersed myself into the natural hair and loc worlds. There were a lot of so-called experts in the internet and social media arenas. There were so many rules that people tried to apply to every head of hair and every individual person when they didn’t. There are some key rules that we all should take to heart, but when it comes to the care of your hair and what you use to care for your hair – that is your decision alone.

What can be very daunting for anyone embarking on a new journey, be it hair, diet, lifestyle, or job is the amount of people who feel the need to push their rules and ways of doing things on you. It’s one thing to offer advice. If you have proven evidence to back up your advice, cool. But it’s a whole other thing when you present your personal advice as the rule. The constant rules from FB groups and blogs and YouTube channels are what caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. I was constantly questioning myself because someone out there was saying what I was doing was wrong, that you must do things their way and follow these rules otherwise your hair will fall out. And that’s no exaggeration! How are you supposed to enjoy your journey when you’re constantly bombarded by hair rules?

I think it’s natural when trying something new to want to follow the instructions to the letter. It’s in most of us to want to do things the right way especially when we are out of our element. I’m definitely that person. So when I embarked on my natural hair journey and my loc journey, I researched and I listened and I tried things out. The things that worked for me I kept doing, and what didn’t work for me I ignored. Sometimes the things that worked for me stopped working and I had to do something else. You have to be willing to make those adjustments throughout your journey.

My loc journey was definitely a journey. I was all in and ready to go through whatever I had to go through to reach my ultimate goal: the adult phase. The adult phase is also known as the mature phase and is the last phase of your loc journey. Once you reach this stage, all your locs will do is grow. There were a lot of bumps and bruises along the way that caused me stress and anxiety before I finally reached this phase. Not so much with my hair, but the locticians I entrusted to establish my locs and care for them afterward. I ran into a lot of shady people who were simply in it for the money. I was angry and distrustful for the first 3 1/2 years of my loc journey. Despite that, I never once regretted my decision to loc my hair. I just crossed paths with and trusted the wrong people. Now I’m happy and I’ve finally learned to relax and enjoy my hair.

My advice is to not do things that are detrimental to your hair. Don’t over process with coloring it too often. Don’t do a lot of tight hairstyles or any styles that cause a lot of stress on your edges or roots. This includes getting your locs retwisted or interlocked too often because you’re obsessed with your locs looking “neat” at all times. Don’t let a loctician convince you that you should get your locs retwisted or interlocked too soon/often, especially if there isn’t enough new growth to warrant a retwist or interlocking. Enjoy your natural hair or loc journey. Remember what made you go natural or loc your hair in the first place. That alone should make you smile with happiness.

I’m Finally At Peace With My Hair

For the first time in my life I’m actually at peace with my hair. I never thought I’d ever say that, let alone feel it. I’m not saying that my hair will never bother me. I’m still going to have those days here and there. But what I mean is, I finally love my hair and how it looks every single day. I love having locs and I love this journey.

I’ve been natural for nine years. I big chopped in 2013 and loc’d my hair in 2018. I love my natural hair. I wish I had gone natural years sooner. But figuring out what to do with my natural hair on a daily basis became a serious headache for me. Why? Well for one, I’m not someone who is good at experimenting with styles. I’m not blessed with the ability to execute styles that I come up with in my mind or see online. I would need someone else to do them for me. It’s one of the main reasons I relied heavily on protective styling, which turned out to be costly financially and physically. I eventually banned protective styling for myself because of the damage it caused to my scalp and hair. I began to rock my afro everyday instead. I was tired and fed up and felt that something had to give. That’s when I seriously began to consider locs.

Getting locs was one of the best hair decisions I’ve ever made besides going natural. I thought my natural hair taught me some things, but locs was the real teacher of patience. Having locs is a process, and there’s no skipping the process (unless you get loc extensions). Allowing yourself to go through all of the loc steps will make you appreciate having locs all the more. My locs took a good two years before they all fully locked, and the locking process varies from one head of hair to the next. To watch my hair transform over weeks, months and years is nothing short of amazing. There was a time when I felt my hair would never grow. There was a time when I thought my locs would never thicken up. This is where documenting your journey through photos come into play. Taking pictures of my hair every month really told my hair story. When I thought my hair wasn’t growing, the pictures showed my growth. When I thought my locs weren’t thickening, the pictures showed that they were. When I thought my locs weren’t locking, the pictures showed they were locking.

Now I’ll admit – in the beginning I did obsess over my loose hairs that didn’t grow inside my locs. I did obsess about thinning locs. But as time went on and life threw its curve balls at me (the pandemic and many deaths in my family) those things began to matter less and less. I stopped talking about them as much, I stopped blogging or vlogging about them. Here I am in year four of having locs and I finally feel a sense of peace and calm about my hair. I finally feel the fullness of the freedom I have with my hair to be able to get up and go and do absolutely nothing to my locs other than moisturize them and oil my scalp when needed. I can’t exactly pinpoint when I stopped obsessing over my hair, but it was definitely sometime in year three.

Finding a reliable loctician helped me to stop obsessing. Not having a reliable and good loctician was one of my main stressors. I’m not the type who likes to do my own hair. I would much rather be pampered by someone else. Yes, we should all know how to care for our own hair to some extent. But I will gladly pay a professional who went to school for caring for other people’s hair to care for my hair. I’ve been seeing my loctician for seven, almost eight months now and outside of one mishap on her part, I’ve had no other problems. Her excellent work on me and my daughter’s hair speaks for itself.

Life also helped me to stop obsessing. There were a lot of sickness and death that happened in the last 2 1/2 – 3 years. I lost a lot of close friends, family members, my mom in particular. 2020 is still a blur to me. Death will always put life into perspective for me. I realized who and what are important, who and what is worthy of my attention and worry and who and what isn’t. I make sure I make the best use of the life and time I have on this earth with the people I love. Hair is just hair. Yes it means a lot to women, yes it is our crown and glory. But at the end of the day, life means more than my hair. If I were to cut my locs off today and have a bald head, I’d make the most of my bald head. Would I miss my locs? Of course. But is it the end of the world? Not at all.

It feels good to be in this place in my life with my hair. My relationship with my hair will always be a little complicated, and that’s okay. But my hair no longer rules me, it no longer consumes my thoughts. My plan is to keep my locs for as long as possible. However long that will be, we’ll see. Life will go on because I am at peace with my hair.

The Embarrassment at the Oscars

I have so many thoughts on what transpired, and while you have to be careful of what you say on social media, I felt my blog was the perfect place to get out my feelings. Many have put different spins on what the altercation was about between Will Smith and Chris Rock. Many have used the opportunity to shed light on Jada’s struggle with alopecia in defense of Will’s horrific actions. Others point to the fact that the Smiths are tired of being made fun of in the media. But it seems the vast majority (in the black community) feel like Will was protecting his wife from bullying and disrespect. That’s all well and good but…

None of this was about Jada’s alopecia or protecting her honor.

I’m sure in Will’s warped mind he felt he was coming to his wife’s defense. If that were so, what was with the tears afterward when Denzel, Tyler Perry and Bradley Cooper came o talk to him during the commercial break? Regret? Anger? Realizing that he messed up? I just heard that Will said he doesn’t regret what he did – coming to his wife’s defense. So he’s going to stick with that excuse, huh? Mmm-Kay. Something is very wrong with Will, y’all. He is not emotionally well.

Let’s talk about the joke. Chris Rock’s joke in itself was in reference to Demi Moore’s character in the movie G.I. Jane who rocked a shaved head. G.I. Jane was a strong, resilient woman and soldier. There is nothing negative that could be said about this character. If anything, it speaks to the strength of women and women empowerment. There are so many women who rock shaved heads for various reasons – style preference, health and otherwise. But the point that seems to be (purposely) missed or overlooked is it was a joke. It was not malicious or even delivered in a malicious way. Chris Rock did what he’s done a zillion times to many A-list actors and actresses when he hosted or presented at an awards show – he cracks jokes on them. It’s expected, it comes with the territory. Are hurtful, disrespectful jokes acceptable? No. Never. But when they’ve happened, they were dealt with behind the scenes between the parties involved.

*Ding Ding Ding*

Most of the world knew nothing about Jada’s alopecia struggles because she kept it to herself (which is her right) up until recently when she spoke about it on her Red Table Talk show. If you don’t follow her or the Smith’s you wouldn’t know this. So how was Chris Rock supposed to know? People think because they are celebrities they know everything about each other’s business. I’m sure that’s true to a certain extent. But there are some celebrities who keep to themselves and worry about themselves and not other people’s personal affairs. This is why I say the embarrassment that is Will Smith and his violent actions toward Chris Rock had nothing to do with alopecia or protecting Jada’s honor. It was an opportunity used by Will to unleash his frustrations about his own personal demons (his life in the public eye and at home), on someone that was basically an easy target. Yes, Chris made jokes about Jada in 2016. But Chris made jokes about a lot of people before and after 2016 that were much more scathing, so what made the Oscars the breaking point for Will?

Many point to Jada’s obvious facial disapproval of the joke. She didn’t like it. What we didn’t see was what transpired between her and Will when the cameras left her reaction and went back to Chris Rock. We don’t know if her and Will had a conversation, if Will simply saw his wife’s disgusted look and acted on his own or if Jada tried to stop him (she probably didn’t know what he was about to do). We’re left to guess and assume, and as a result, many are putting the blame on Jada because they feel she knew her reaction would trigger something in Will. When you’ve been married for a long time, you know your spouse’s looks, mannerisms, and body language very well. Jada may not have spoken her disapproval, but her face and body language showed it and Will reacted. Stupidly and emotionally.

Let’s talk about the deep thinkers. The self-proclaimed psychiatrists that you often find on social media who are experts on black trauma. They are saying that Will Smith’s actions were taught and learned through slavery at the hands of white people. Black people/black men have been conditioned to suppress their feelings, to take on and accept heinous abuse and treatment from our oppressors which only taught us violence. So basically, Will Smith’s behavior is white people’s fault.

Does slavery still have an effect on black people today? Yes! Should we be using slavery as an excuse for our current bad behavior? Absolutely not! At some point, we as a people must stop using past abuses and atrocities as an excuse for current bad behavior. We all have free will, we all have been taught right from wrong. When we do wrong, it is a personal choice that we make in the here and now. Will Smith knew what he was doing. He thought about it, made his choice and then acted on it. Are we going to teach our kids that bad behavior is acceptable because of how our ancestors were treated? How does that even make sense?

What should be discussed is how we need to do a better job of teaching our kids how to manage their emotions. We need to encourage our black men and women to seek mental help so they too can learn better ways to manage their emotions. And we need to make mental help available to all even if you don’t have money or insurance to pay for it. I know there are programs out there already, but the average person doesn’t know that these programs even exist in their local communities. This needs to change.

Will needs to come to terms with his emotional baggage and continue to address it and deal with it. He spoke about it at length in his book (not being able to protect his mother from his father’s abuse when he was a child, feeling insecure about Jada’s relationship with 2 Pac, Jada’s cheating, etc.), and while that is admirable, he clearly has a long way to go. To behave in the way he did, so unhinged and uncontrolled, speaks to deeper issues. His actions should not be celebrated. This was not an admirable act of a man protecting his wife from perceived disrespectful words that came from a comedian. His actions were despicable and a cry for help. His actions cast a dark cloud for everyone that night. Instead of speaking about all the winners and celebrating them, the past 48 hours have been focused on one black man pimp slapping another black man in front of millions of people.

As a black woman I’m saddened, disgusted and disappointed for all of us. It was a night for brown and black excellence to shine, for the deaf community and other marginalized communities to be recognized and celebrated. It was a night of firsts, and the actions of one person, a polarizing person in his own right, ruined it all. To cap off the embarrassment, he ends the night partying with his family and dancing the night away in celebration. That was not a good look. I also don’t like the fact that certain family members approved of Will’s behavior and expressed it on social media. They put out the message of family unity, and honestly I don’t know if it was before or after the slap. I expected his entire family to be there to support him of course. I expected them to celebrate his win. But they also gave off the vibe that they supported his slapping Chris Rock and that didn’t sit right with me. I can only imagine what their next Red Table Talk episodes will be about: Standing up to bullying, protecting black women, and using violence to do so. None of those are bad topics or conversations to have, but when speaking about your loved one, are the Smith’s going to call out the bad behavior of Will or defend it? This will be interesting to see/hear.

Now the looming questions are will the Oscars punish Will, and if so how severe will it be? But more importantly, how is Chris Rock doing? I’ve been thinking about his girls in particular and how they feel seeing their dad humiliated in front of millions of people and the endless memes being made as a result. I think about his siblings, everyone in his family who are no doubt pissed at Will Smith for how he disrespected their loved one on national tv. Tony Rock recently tweeted that he’s angry and wants to retaliate. I get it. That’s a natural reaction when someone you love is hurt.

There was a lot to unpack here, and I tried to touch on the main points. These are just my personal thoughts that I wanted to get out. I hope Will gets the help he needs, that the punishment handed down by the Oscars fit the crime, and that Chris Rock is ok. From what I’m hearing, Chris’ ticket sales to his comedy tour are through the roof! Cha-Ching! Chris Rock’s silence can only mean one thing: He’s saving it all for the stage and it’s going to be RAW. This is not the end of this story, y’all. Chris’ weapon is his microphone and his voice. He will get the last laugh.

2022

I cannot believe we’re almost a month into the new year! I haven’t blogged much because there has been A LOT going on in my life outside of my locs, mostly good things like starting my cookie business, being at a new job, and planning for the future. But I do feel the need to catch you up on some things hair related because…that’s what I do! So let’s get into it!

New Loctician???

Y’all know how I’ve been back and forth on finding a new loctician versus self maintaining my hair. I would start my search and stop, find someone and be disappointed. The last person I found to establish my daughter’s locs and to hopefully go to for my retie was on a whim and she turned out to be a total FLAKE. She was never on time for her appointments and always had some long drawn out story/excuse for it. I’m talking 35 – 45 minutes late, and even had the nerve to ask to reschedule for later in the day because she was sick and hung over from partying the night before! She’s young, but definitely old enough to know better! If doing hair is your main gig then you need to step your game up and be a professional. She has zero respect for other people’s time but wants everyone to be understanding of her situations. Sweetie, when people are trying to get their hair done they don’t want to hear about your bad planning and forgetfulness. And the sad part in all of this is the girl is GOOD at what she does. She does BEAUTIFUL work! She started my daughter’s locs and did her first retie and did great work both times. She’s extremely talented and knowledgeable but very unprofessional.

About a month or so later, I found my current “loctician” through my cousin who started her loc journey but later combed her locs out. We’ll discuss that in a later post. I found out the young lady’s name and made an appointment for myself because I was in desperate need of a retie at the time. The shop was located deep in the hood, but that didn’t bother me. I’ve been to plenty of shops in the hood in the past and my hair got laid, okay? I was more concerned about how she was as a person, her skill level, etc. This young lady is younger than the previous girl I went to, but that didn’t bother me either. She was very kind, already at the shop and waiting for me unlike the previous loctician, and very gentle in washing my hair and doing my retwist.

Plot twist: I no longer interlock my new growth – I now twist! There’s so much I have to catch y’all up on!

Listen. She was so gentle doing my retwist that I fell asleep during most of it!!! It had been so long, years even, since I’ve had gentle hands in my hair that it felt like heaven on earth! I’m not exaggerating. Ever since I started my loc journey, from the person who started my locs and all the other people who have touched my locs since, they have either tugged, pulled, or done my reties too tight to where my scalp hurt for several days later. When this young lady got done, my scalp felt refreshed, clean and wonderful! My locs were light and bouncy and shiny. I loved it. So here’s why I put question marks behind ‘new loctician:

After I got my hair done, I immediately scheduled an appointment for my daughter for her second retie. Now my daughter has traditional locs and they are clearly new. The young lady studies my daughters hair and looks concerned. I ask her if anything is wrong and she says “No….I’m just concerned about how frizzy her locs are.”

Come again??

This was when I knew she was not quite a loctician by definition at all. Right now she’s someone who knows how to do neat reties and style locs. When it comes to the locking process and the different stages, she needs to learn more. Frizzy locs are most definitely part of the locking process, especially in the beginning stages of locs. Having said all of that, I’m gonna stick beside her.

She’s young and she’s only going to get better and grow as she learns.

She’s already taken steps to move out of her uncle’s shop (which is hideous and in desperate need of a total remodel and makeover) that was located in the hood to a better shop in a better neighborhood. (I hate barber or beauty shops where it’s clear that the money they make goes directly into their pockets instead of into fixing up their shop, getting new chairs, equipment, etc. so the customers can have a wonderful and comfortable experience!) I applaud her for making such a move because she stated that she knows she’s lost clients or potential clients because of where she worked and the atmosphere. Speaking of atmosphere, it was very loud with loud sometimes in appropriate music. It was a busy shop where choice language is used in front of children and women which I found to be highly disrespectful, but I was also so immersed in my scalp being pampered that I tuned out most of it. This young lady wants to elevate her clientele and their experience, and I totally respect that.

If you follow my Youtube channel Its Sonya, you probably know all about the issues I’ve encountered with various locticians since getting locs three years ago. It hasn’t been an easy journey to say the least, but now I’m in a place of acceptance. I’ve finally accepted the fact that I will never find the perfect loctician where I live, and if there is one in my city I’ll never get an appointment with he or she because they are booked well into the next year! Yes, I can do my own hair when forced to, but I’d much rather have someone else do it for me. I’m that kind of person. I want to be pampered. I don’t think this young lady will damage me or my daughter’s hair. I’ve seen her work, and she does beautiful work and she’s gentle. I’m willing to grow with her as she learns.

I guess you can say 2022 has been good to me so far. My locs are still growing and flourishing. What more can you ask? Getting locs is still hands down the second best hair decision I’ve ever made besides going natural. 🙌🏾🙌🏾👍🏾👍🏾