Black Women Will Always Have Hair Options, BUT…

Yes, there’s a “But” because our relationship with our hair as black women go back centuries. Black women’s relationship with their hair is layered and complicated. That’s why I feel we can only start where all of this began – slavery. When we were forcibly captured and put on boats and brought to another country to be enslaved animals, that’s where our issues with our hair (among many other things) began. In an attempt to control, demean, and break us, everything about our rich cultural history in Africa and our identity was attempted to be stripped from us. But one thing that stuck with us is how we viewed our hair. Our view of our hair became skewed. We believed the lies about our hair, and the pride we once had in our beautiful kinky hair turned into shame.

White slave owners shaved our heads, called our kinks and coils ugly, wooly, untamable, unkempt. When we braided it, they didn’t like it and made us cover our heads. They even went as far to create laws just for black women and their hair that made it a crime if they did not cover their hair in public. When we wrapped our heads in elaborate head wraps, in line with our African heritage, they tried to stop that too. It’s no wonder that black women’s hair trauma runs deep. It’s so deep that we’ve taught future generations of black girls and women that our natural hair is ugly and unpresentable unless we straighten it to fit in with European standards. How sad.

In this need to be accepted and to be treated like we’re worthy, we invented straightening combs and conk, which was the foundation for the modern day hair relaxer to straighten our hair. We did everything in our power NOT to show our natural hair. Then there’s wigs and weaves. And yes, all cultures wear them, but we’re talking about black women here. The wigs we buy are usually bone straight and in all shapes and lengths. Still sticking to the European look. Many become so addicted to their wigs that they won’t leave the house without one on. We’ve all seen our grandmothers, mothers, aunts, cousins and sisters grab that wig before they leave the house and slap it on like a hat! It became that routine to them.

As black women, we pride ourselves on having all kinds of hair options when it comes to styling our hair. But the conversation no one wants to have is how addictive those options are, how reliant we’ve become on them instead of embracing our natural selves. Yes, some women HAVE to wear wigs due to health reasons, alopecia, cancer treatments, and other things. Those are the exceptions. But for the rest of us, what are we so afraid of? Why can’t we get out of that slave mentality that our natural hair is ugly and too difficult to maintain? Why do we think it’s okay to be lazy when it comes to our hair and put wigs on like hats every single day?

Yes I know jobs, children, home life, convenience, lack of time all comes into play, but those can also be excuses. We all pick and choose what we’re willing to make time for, and caring for our natural hair is one of them. Yes it takes time and effort, but so does going to the shop to get your hair braided or get a lace front installed. Many of us are not willing to put that same time into our own hair.

Another issue that’s not talked about enough are the harmful effects of wearing wigs and weaves too often. Traction alopecia. Permanent hair loss and follicle damage. No edges and bald spots. Instead of addressing the problem and helping our natural hair get healthier, we cover it up. We hide the problem instead of addressing it. It becomes a vicious cycle until women are literally bald headed because they are too afraid (and don’t know how) to stop wearing the wigs and weaves and help their natural hair grow back. This is what I meant when I said that black women’s relationship with their hair is layered and complicated.

Black women get angry at how our bodies, dress and grooming are constantly criticized and policed by society, and rightfully so. But why does embracing our natural beauty anger so many of us as well? Fear. Fear of the unknown. It’s been so ingrained in us that our natural hair is ugly that we’re afraid to show it. We’re afraid to leave the house showing our natural hair. When we’re afraid, oftentimes we lash out and become angry because we don’t want to leave our comfort zone of wigs, weaves and braids and face our natural selves. We’re too afraid to start a relationship with our natural selves. This can cause extreme anxiety for a lot of black women, and that’s deep.

We can’t forget about black men and how they influence how we view ourselves as well. Black men have also been taught that our natural hair is ugly, nappy, unruly and only looks good when it’s straight. And once upon a time, black men were using conk and relaxers in their hair just as much as women. Black men have become used to or conditioned to seeing black women in wigs and weaves to the point where some black men don’t consider black women with natural hair attractive. And it’s funny because many say they prefer their women to have natural hair, but who they date and marry wear wigs and weaves. Women wear wigs and weaves to look good to men. They are trying to appeal to what men are attracted to. So if we’re going to help black women love and accept their natural selves, we need more black men loving and accepting black women when they wear their natural hair. Stop saying hurtful things like “She’d look better if she put some weave in her head” or “Why is her hair so nappy? You need a relaxer in your head!”

I know some will read this and think that I’m being mean or too harsh on black women. Please believe me when I say that this is not coming from a place of meanness. In reality, it’s coming from a place of love and passion and my desire to help black women, black people, to love and embrace their natural hair. In order to embrace our natural selves we must start with our hair. We have to talk about the hard subjects that I’ve mentioned here. We have to be honest about the things that keep us from being our authentic selves and why we hide so much under wigs, weaves and braids to the point that we’re permanently damaging our scalp and hair. Until we get to the root of our problems, we will stay in this unhealthy cycle.

I want to acknowledge that not everyone who wears wigs, weaves and braids are bald headed or don’t have healthy hair. Many women who wear wigs and weaves have very long and healthy hair and that’s their way (protective styling) of keeping their natural hair long and healthy – by tucking it away.) I also want to acknowledge that there are stylists and beauticians out there who do an excellent job braiding hair and installing weaves. There are those out there who do care about your edges and who educate their clients on the healthy way to wear them. But y’all…there are even more out there who don’t care. There are so many out there who only care about getting your money. They braid too tight, install the weaves too tight and take out all of your edges. They don’t care that your hairline is going further and further back until it’s at the middle of your head. You are nothing but steady income to them.

And I’m going to say something that some may find offensive, but it’s the honest truth:

A lot of African hair braiding shops offer lace front services too. I’ve sat in these shops for years and watched how tightly they install them. I’ve watched and experienced how tightly they braid your hair when installing braids or cornrows. I’ve seen women cuss them out for braiding so tight or get up and leave the shop because the hair braiders refuse to stop braiding so tightly. It has to be a cultural thing because the African women feel it’s not neat or pretty unless it’s super tight. Also, they feel the style will last longer when it’s tight. But they don’t understand the damage that’s being done when they use such harmful habits.

Many of these African women are bald headed themselves. They either are wearing wigs or have weave in their hair, or it’s covered with scarves. I’ve never seen one of them with their natural hair out. But I have seen them without their wigs and it was horrible. No edges. Bald patches everywhere. But they look at you like you’re crazy when you tell them to stop braiding so tight. They don’t get it. They don’t understand that what they are doing is so damaging to our hair and their own. And for those who aren’t African, there are many out there who equally braid too tight and install lace fronts with all kinds of damaging glue and install sew ins too tight. And yet these same women keep going to them again and again, having further damage done to their follicles and edges.

We need therapy.

There needs to be support groups for black men and women that helps us unpack our issues with our hair so we can let go of the negative feelings and replace them with positive ones. There needs to be support groups and therapy that helps us to move forward in our hair journey and accept our natural beauty. We need to get to the root of what has us afraid to embrace our natural hair and realize how this affects our relationships with our families, significant others, children, friends and our jobs. Whether if it’s childhood trauma of being bullied at school or at home, or hearing negative comments from our parents or grandparents, trauma from microaggressions at work – we need to talk about it all.

I think it’s time I write a book, y’all.

Can We Beat The Machine?

Capitalism is the machine. Manufacturing companies pushing out products to capitalize off of the natural hair movement has been a fast moving bullet train that isn’t slowing down any time soon. Why? Because women continue to believe the lie that a product or a line of products is the answer to changing how their natural hair behaves. Instead of teaching black women to learn to embrace and love their beautiful natural hair for what it is and for what it can and cannot do, we’re pushing products. Everyone is making money. Content creators, manufacturers, and big beauty companies like L’oreal, Proctor & Gamble and others making products targeting the black dollar. So how can we get the message of black hair education through to the masses when so many are already obsessed with trying every product on the market?

Y’all…I honestly don’t know. The machine is huge, and with the world of Youtube and social media, there are thousands, if not millions of videos of people doing product reviews. They have a huge audience because women want to know what is the next product they should go out and try on their natural hair. If the product works on the Youtuber and it’s recommended to try, they are going to try it. This is an endless cycle that isn’t going to stop in the black hair community. It seems now more than ever we have been conditioned to believe that in order for natural hair to “work”, to be tamed, to look presentable (according to European standards that black people have adopted), we have to buy and use an endless array of products.

I think the natural hair community lost the game the moment we allowed the narrative to change from natural hair health and getting away from chemical relaxers to pushing products. Many in the natural hair community saw the opportunity and the money they could make partnering with companies and that’s when the machine took over and the natural hair community laid down and conceded. This is why I feel so defeated and why so many content creators who do promote natural hair health and education are left by the wayside because no one is interested in natural remedies or DIY. They want instant gratification by means of products that claim they will grow your hair, make your hair soft and curly and bouncy. But none of them ever live up to what they claim. At least not for 4C hair.

And the cycle continues…

2023 – Let’s Go!

2022 ended with my oldest daughter finally deciding to get locs. She booked her appointment and got her comb coil locs installed on December 27th. (see below photo) Her comb coils are sooo pretty and I’m over the moon happy for her joining the loc family. My daughter Talya and I have been encouraging her and helping her to embrace her new journey.

Taylor’s Comb Coils

October, 2022 also meant Talya’s one year anniversary of having locs. Her locs are growing, they are so thick and luscious and they are beautiful. She loves them and she loves the hair freedom she has. They look so good on her! As for me, 2022 was a year of growth. I had to combine a few locs but now I think that part is over. I believe I’ve dealt with all the weak locs that needed to be combined. My hair is down my back and I love it. I can’t believe I’ve gone from waiting for my locs to grow to setting new hair goals for myself. My hair is now to my bra strap. Now I want it to grow past my bra strap. These are the little goals I set myself.

I still need to do better with loc care, especially during the winter months. I need to moisturize more and oil my scalp more. I finally bought a new bigger bonnet that can handle my longer hair. I do need to buy new silk or satin pillowcases. Lately I’ve been experiencing mega itching and I’m pretty positive it’s due to the products I’ve been using. I decided to try a foam for my braid outs so my braid outs would last longer. The foam I used ended up being being very drying to my locs which made them feel very hard, and I believe contributed to the itching of my scalp. I’ve also been using a new hair oil by a new brand (new to me at least) and I have a feeling my scalp doesn’t like it.

I think there is something to be said when it comes to using organic oils to oil mixtures. I don’t think the oil mixtures that I’ve been purchasing agree with my scalp. So now I have to start from scratch and go back to basics of what always worked for me. I know the itching is causing breakage because I’m constantly scratching in those areas. I have a plan and I will not be using those products anymore.

I’m excited to see what 2023 brings for me and my girls. We’re all on a loc journey and in different stages. I hope we all get what we want out of this and more.

Lack of Professionalism Amongst Locticians & Hair Stylists

You all know my pain of running into the wrong hair stylists when I was still getting creamy crack, and running into the wrong locticians once I locked my hair. You throw in a full blown pandemic and it’s just a free for all. I’ve allowed too many people in my head while searching for the “perfect” loctician (there’s no such thing in my city) to care for my locs. I used to come down hard on myself for this – and I really don’t know why because its not my fault. And this ultimately led me to the conclusion that it’s not me, but its those who are licensed professionals that are the problem.

The pandemic brought out a lot of opportunists when it comes to black hair care – especially in the loc community. All of a sudden people are claiming to know how to start locs, do retwists and reties, and care for locs. There’s been price gouging across the board and shotty, criminal work done to unknowing and unsuspecting people’s hair. I’ve heard and read so many horror stories and have shared my horror stories as well. But when you get down to the nitty gritty of being a business owner and being professional, that’s where things really get bad. Why, you may ask?

Those who do hair strictly for the money tend to be the worst offenders of unprofessional behavior, and they are the ones you need to run from. Unfortunately you don’t typically find this out about them until you’ve experienced their services. Those who do hair strictly for the money do not care about the health of your hair, does not have enough hair knowledge and only knows how to style or do certain things. They also don’t care about you or your time. They don’t think twice about inconveniencing you, cancelling on you, double or triple booking you in their appointments that will keep you in their shop all day. They only care about your money. They don’t care if they’ve done shotty work on your hair. Yes, they are running a business, but they run their business as if they are a street hustler. And what do street hustlers care about? Themselves.

I’ve seen this type of behavior in older and younger generation stylists and locticians and it’s sad. Just recently I had a new loctician whom I’ve only been to once, cancel on me an hour before my appointment. This young lady (she’s younger than my oldest child) did not apologize, did not offer any type of alternative accommodations to me since she inconvenienced me, and was not helpful at all when it came to rescheduling. Her nasty and very wrong and unprofessional attitude radiated through her text messages. Not to mention, her reason for the cancelation was total B.S.! I was livid. I was more livid at the unprofessionalism she displayed, the lack of caring or awareness of the position she put me in. What if I needed my hair done for an event? What if I was going out of town? What if that day and time was the only time I had available to get my hair done for months? She didn’t care because it was all about her and what she wanted to do and didn’t want to do.

It took me a while to calm down. I had to chalk this up to her being young and dumb and not being taught or simply not caring about how she should treat others, especially new clients. All I kept thinking was “This chick clearly doesn’t want my money.” She’s not just doing my hair, she’s doing my daughter’s hair as well! That’s over $200 combined, including tip! I don’t get it and I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. If there are certain things you don’t want to do when it comes to your business then don’t offer it! It’s that simple! She knew what I wanted done from my first appointment with her because I told her! She was all like “Oh okay, I can do that for you!” So I book the appointment, and again, she knew weeks in advance what I wanted and she ACCEPTED the appointment, took the down payment through her booking app only to cancel on me an hour before. I could have raised all kinds of hell, and looking back I should have and demanded my deposit back!

What kept me from going off right away was the fact that I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and I was waiting for her to show some accommodation and professionalism to me since she was the one doing the canceling – and she showed none. That’s where my anger came in. I was supposed to get a retwist and color. I was super excited about this, I told a few people that I was getting some color and then to have my appointment canceled was just deflating. But the reason why it was canceled and then to not be offered anything to make up for it – I was blown away. Why do I always come across these kinds of people?

The sad part about all of this is this young lady is good at what she does. She does very neat and pristine work and she’s fast. I was very impressed with her the first time I went to her and felt like she could be the one that I stick with from here on out. Listen…I know people aren’t perfect. I know people mess up – myself included. My husband kept pointing this out to me, telling me that this was just a first time offense on her part. But he has to understand (and remember) that I’ve been burned by a lot of people on my three year loc journey. So yes, I’m very gun shy and sensitive when it comes to stuff like this. Not only that, but I’m a stickler for professionalism and kindness in all areas of life. When you have your own business and you’re licensed, you especially should be going out of your way to be professional because that’s your livelihood! Word of mouth can make or break you!

I very reluctantly rescheduled with her for this coming Saturday. My daughter also has an appointment for the morning and mine isn’t until later in the afternoon. I’m no longer getting color – at least not by her – and am only getting my retwist. I will have to find someone else to do my color because clearly she doesn’t want my money. I’ve also resigned myself to the fact that we live in a very different world today. What I would do, how I treat people, and what I expect is not what I will receive in return. We live in a very selfish, angry, ‘it’s all about me first’ society. Professionalism, common courtesy, manners, and basic social norms when it comes to interacting with human beings are a thing of the past for a lot of people – older and younger generations. This really saddens me.

Normally I would have made a video about my most recent horrible experience, but instead I decided to write about it. I truly believe it’s where I live and the fact that the city I live in is very small and there isn’t a big community of professional locticians. There are many who work out of their homes, and there are those who work out of shops. I’ve had to rely mostly on word of mouth because not everyone advertise their services, especially on social media. I found a group for people to find locticians in my area and again the majority that I see work out of their home. I’m not going to a strangers home to get my hair done while dealing with a pandemic and not knowing their vaccination status. Many will lie and say they are vaccinated when they are not AND won’t wear a mask. I trust no one in these streets. But that’s just me.

Once again I’m contemplating doing my own retwists or having my sister in law do my retwists for me if I can’t find the right person to do my retwist on a regular basis. This is the ugly underbelly of having locs. I want to be pampered. I like being pampered. But the unprofessionalism in the loc community is putting a huge damper on that.

Advocate For Your Locs

Advocate for your locs. What does that even mean? Well, from brutal personal experience, I’ve learned that there are a lot, and I mean a ton of people out there who claim to be locticians, but are really stylists. There are many who claim to promote hair health/loc health yet they use a lot of heavy gels to retwist your locs, retwist too tight and then style locs in too tight styles. Make it make sense.

It is vital that you know the difference between a true loctician and a loc stylist. There is a difference. A true loctician cares about the health of your hair and locs first. They study your hair, they look for changes, they ask pertinent questions about your overall health, your eating habits, any stresses in your life, surgeries or health issues. Why? Because all of those things can directly affect your hair. Locticians also know what too much manipulation can do to your hair and scalp, they are aware of the dangers of traction alopecia and won’t do too tight styles or retwists. A loc stylist only cares about styling your hair and being creative. They often use gels, hair pins, and other things to help style the hair and keep the hair in place. There is a lot of pulling and tugging and tucking involved that often shows the hair being tightly pulled and the scalp looking distressed.

Let’s be clear: Not all stylists style this way, but the majority I see on Youtube and social media do.

If you ever find yourself in the chair of a loctician who is more of a stylist or their focus is more on styling than on hair health and they are doing a lot of pulling and tugging on your locs, don’t be afraid to speak up or get up and walk away. There are too many fakes out here who will cause damage to your locs and your scalp. Protect your hair. Advocate for your locs! One of the best ways you can do so is to learn how to care for your locs yourself. Learn how to do your own reties. It will not only save you money, but it will literally save your hair. Don’t be afraid. Being afraid was my biggest problem and guess what it left me with?

BREAKAGE.

The breakage from too tight reties didn’t show up right away. It took time to truly see the damage, and boy is there a lot of breakage! I blamed myself because I was scratching my scalp a lot with my nails, essentially ripping and tearing my hair. But too tight reties that had my scalp hurting for a week did a lot of damage over time too. Please learn from me and my mistakes.

I stopped going to my latest loctician. She didn’t listen to me and that was a major red flag and turn off. I made a promise to myself that I would never go to another loctician again – that’s how angry and fed up I’ve become. I should never say never, but right now that’s how I feel. I also had to accept that there is no perfect loctician, and if they do exist none of them live in my area. I’ve been doing my own reties. It’s time consuming, it’s frustrating, but I have to do it until I find the right person to help take care of my hair. IF I ever find that person. I tried to combine my locs one final time and went from 176 locs to 88, but I didn’t like the look, so after a week or two I took them down. I still plan to try twisting my new growth instead of interlocking. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes. The changes I’ve made are vital to my hair health, mental health and confidence. Taking over the care of my hair is my way of reclaiming my power, and it feels so good!

Advocate for your locs. Do not settle. Stop being scared of caring for your own hair. You can do it!

It’s My Two Year Loc-Versary!!!

On the left my loc journey started with Sisterlocks. On the right I now have combined regular locs.

You guys. I’ve been loc’d for two years now, and boy has it been…eye opening! Let’s get into it.

Sisterlocks Weren’t For Me

I fell head over heels in love with sisterlocks completely naive to the inside drama that came with it. But how would I know that inside drama even existed when I didn’t know anyone with sisterlocks to ask? I made one key mistake and that was rushing on deciding who would install and care for my sisterlocks. Even when I saw the red flags I convinced myself that things would work out, everything would be okay. But it wasn’t. It only got worse. I’ve talked about this in previous blog posts so I won’t beat a dead horse here, but that bad decision led me to where I am today.

Over time I realized that I wanted bigger locs, and that was something I’ve always wanted. After kicking my first loctician to the curb, COVID hit and it made me go ahead and combine my locs and start a new journey. I was still looking for a new loctician, but unfortunately that didn’t work out either.

Sadly, People Can’t Be Trusted

Searching for a new loctician in my city was a joke. All it proved to me is that people can’t be trusted and the world is full of scammers. And weirdos. I’ve had people tell me that I still had sisterlocks and therefore would still be charged sisterlocks rates. I’ve had people tell me that in order to combine my locs I had to take them down to the root and then pay them $300 to re-lock my hair. I’ve had people take me on as a client but after two visits tell me that they are moving out of state and will give me a name of someone else to go to – but only on Facebook – and they never gave me that person’s name.

All of those horrible experiences made me realize that no one can be trusted. And this isn’t just people in the sisterlocks community, but the loc community as a whole. Everybody is out for the bag (money) and are constantly looking for ways to screw you over and it’s sad. It’s extremely disappointing and disheartening. Here I am thinking the loc community would be welcoming and freeing and this lovely place where you celebrate natural hair and hair freedom. Nope. It’s the complete opposite and they are the same if not worse as the loose natural hair community. You have your loc purists who think they know everything about locs and are quick to point out your errors and tell you you’re not a true locked person, you have those who prefer calling locs dread locs vs those who prefer to call them locs, you have the sisterlocks vs traditional locs infighting and snobbery. It’s so much and it’s sad.

It Was Time For Me to Step Into My Power

Despite all the bumps and bruises I encountered on my loc journey, I realized that it was time for me to step into my power. Stop being afraid to retie my own hair. Do what I needed to do, what I knew I could do, to care for my own hair. Stop trusting others to do right by me and bet on myself. It took me some time to get to this point, but I’M HERE! (Cue in Whoppi Goldberg’s classic scene in The Color Purple when she’s leaving Mister’s house towards the end of the movie!)

My experiences from my first loctician alone was enough to make me bitter towards sisterlocks and locs alone, but I didn’t allow myself to have those feelings because it wasn’t the locs that were doing me wrong. It was the person doing my hair at the time and the other people that followed her. I kick myself for being so trusting because these were people who were highly recommended and I assumed they would do right by me. They didn’t. It also doesn’t help that I live in an area where there aren’t a lot of experienced AND GOOD locticians. Sisterlocks are beautiful. They looked beautiful on me. But that wasn’t the look I had envisioned for myself, and that was my fault. I should have gotten traditional locs to begin with. But I do not regret my sisterlocks experience.

I’ve always wanted locs and I’m glad I continued on my journey in a different way by combining my sisterlocks to have medium sized locs. I love the way they look now and I love that I am in charge of the care of my hair. I can’t wait to see what the next two years and beyond bring! Happy two year loc-versary to me!!

My Views on Locs Have Changed…And it’s A Good Thing!

Transitioning from sisterlocks to micro or traditional locs has me thinking a lot about the care and upkeep of my locs going forward. I’m no longer tied to getting reties every six to seven weeks. I no longer have to worry about using or not using certain things on my hair. But I do have a whole new perspective on the care of my locs and here’s why.

Cutting back on reties

Now that I’m free from the sisterlocks rules, I have been researching how to care for my locs going forward. My biggest fear is traction alopecia or losing hair for any reason to be honest. Traction alopecia can happen due to tight hair styles, too tight reties and getting reties too often. There are a lot of women in the loc community who unfortunately suffer from traction alopecia because of those very reasons I listed. I don’t believe in getting reties at the sight of the least little bit of new growth. Do you know what this reminds me of? When I was getting relaxers back in the day and the minute my new growth started to show I was on the phone making an appointment to get my kinky natural roots straightened or “relaxed” again. We must get out of that mindset – even with locs.

The damage we can cause to our follicles by having reties too often is real and it can be permanent. Right now I’m scheduled to have my next retie in seven weeks which puts me at the first weekend in July. Today is June 11, and the only new growth I have is the hair that grows outside of my locs because my last retie was done entirely too tight. By the time July 4th comes, I won’t have nearly enough new growth to warrant a retie which is why I plan on canceling that appointment and pushing it out further.

A new outlook on caring for My locs

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time researching how to care for my newly combined locs. I’ve been following and watching video after video of Youtuber Yannie The Locologist and I really like her approach and views on loc care and maintenance. She’s so informative and honest and truly cares about the health of people’s hair. Yannie is a firm believer in zero products being used on locs, products like gels, twisting pomades, conditioners, or anything that is not natural. I am totally on board with that. Her reasoning is products cause build up and build up causes your locs to feel heavy and locs should never feel heavy.

She also does not believe in frequent reties. She believes in having your locs retied every three months if not longer. I’m totally on board with that, especially since I no longer have sisterlocks. I think it should be pointed out that Yannie is also Rasta, meaning she does not follow the Rastafarian religious beliefs, but follows the Rasta beliefs when it comes to locs. In a nutshell, she believes that time, patience and diet plays a huge part in the health of your locs. Therefore, the less you do, the better off your locs will be. This means no shampoo, no conditioner, no products that weren’t grown on a tree or out the ground should be used on your locs.

Coloring my locs

I’m also rethinking how to color my locs and what is the safest way to do so. From watching Yannie’s videos, she highly recommended Shea Moisture’s line of hair color because it doesn’t dry out your hair (Supposedly. Everybody’s hair is different and their reaction to hair coloring is different). She also recommended, at the suggestion of her client who is allergic to shea butter, olive oil and coconut oil, Herbatint. It’s a permanent herbal hair coloring gel that is gentle on your hair. I looked it up on Amazon and it’s pretty reasonable – about $11.99 and up depending on the color you want. FYI – the blonde color costs more. I’m guessing because it’s such a popular color. The good thing is Herbatint has a wide range of colors to choose from.

I know nothing about coloring my hair, I only know the colors that I like. I will continue to do research and reach out to my friends who are hair stylists and colorists who can give me much needed guidance.

I’m excited!

My loc journey continues to evolve and I’m so excited about this! Why? Because I’m no longer tied to a strict regimen that sisterlocks demanded. Also, I’m in the process of figuring out how I want to care for my locs going forward, taking the less is more approach. I’m going to test out if I can wait three months before getting my next retie. And I also have to figure out if I want to continue to interlocking or if I want to palm roll or twist.

My research is opening my eyes to things that I never thought about before, like the importance of not using products on my locs, washing my locs less, and using as little manipulation and tension on my locs as possible. In a future post I will share why doing these things are important. Stay tuned!

A Proud Afro Sighting at the 75th Golden Globe Awards

At the 2018 Golden Globe Awards, Viola Davis gave me LIFE with her amazing afro!! Who said Afros can’t be elegant? Come THROUGH Viola!!

Florida Peeps: Please Support My Friend!

My sweet, sweet, dear friend Natasha, aka iNotSasha, who was born in Mil-Town, aka Milwaukee, WI is now a HOT barber and stylist in Florida. Please do yourself a favor and check her out if you’re in the area. She’s got mad skills and you’ll fall in love with her. I promise you! Here is her website:

https://www.shecutme.com/

 

Raising Natural Haired Girls

My babies when they were babies: Talya, Taylor and Tristan

It was just a few years ago that I was still using chemical relaxers (aka Creamy Crack) on my hair, but my two daughters were natural. Back then I didn’t know a lot about the different natural oils and butters that are good for the hair. I just knew what my mom used on me and my sisters and the routine she had: Washing our hair once every two weeks, using Olive oil, eggs or mayo as deep conditioners, VO5 hot oil treatments, and Blue Magic hair grease. I, in turn, washed and conditioned my two girls’ hair on a regular basis and used Blue Magic on their scalps. That’s what I knew.

Even though I wasn’t natural, I wanted my girls to love their natural hair because I felt their natural hair was beautiful. However, I wasn’t as informed as I could have been to take better care of their hair. It wasn’t until I decided to become natural did I learn how to take better care of their hair as well as my own. No doubt, there are many others out there who are raising natural haired daughters but may need a little help. Below is some advice I would like to share.

Educate yourself

The best thing you can do for you and your daughter(s) is to educate yourself on natural hair. Don’t rely on what you remember your mom and grandma doing because not everything they did was good for our hair. Get on the internet and research how to care for natural African American hair. Educate yourself on the different oils that are great for our hair and how to use them and mix them. Educate yourself about the different homemade hair masks and deep conditioners you can make yourself. If you feel you don’t have the time or patience to make your own concoctions and prefer to buy products from the store, learn about the good ingredients that you should look for in those products as well as the bad ingredients you should stay away from. Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask other naturals questions. Whether if it’s friends, family, a natural hair beautician, or a complete stranger. Don’t be afraid to ask.

Commit to the time it takes to care for natural hair

Caring for natural hair takes time and patience. You cannot rush through caring for natural hair. If you do, the result is going to be major damage and hair loss. You must prepare yourself for the time it will require to wash, deep condition, detangle, and style natural hair. Ask others with natural hair what their haircare routine is like, visit blogs and vloggers on YouTube to get an idea of what their routines are like. One thing I found to be very helpful (and a time saver) was to look for vloggers who have a similar hair type as your daughters on YouTube (types 4a, 4b, 4c, etc). See what products they use or make themselves, the steps they go through, and incorporate what you want to use from them into developing a routine of your own based on your daughter’s hair care needs. As time goes on, you may find the need to change or tweak your routine. The most important thing in all of this is finding a routine and sticking to it.

Help your daughter(s) to love their natural hair

To me, this is the most important step. Teach your daughters that their natural hair is beautiful. It is unique, and their hair can do many things that others cannot. Nappy IS NOT a bad word. Neither is kinky. When I would be out and about with my daughters, I made it a point to show them other natural haired women and girls so they’d see that there were others out there with hair like them. I also explained to them that there are different natural hair types, shapes, and lengths, and they are all beautiful. I also taught them that not everyone is meant to have straight or curly hair that blows in the wind. However, Afros and puffs are beautiful, and it’s fun to create and discover new accessories and styles to wear their natural hair in.

Don’t straighten their hair on a regular basis

I’ve run into mothers of natural haired daughters who send their daughters to the beautician to have their hair straightened bone straight on a regular basis, but when they try to style their hair in a twist out or some other natural hair style, their ends  are still straight and look scraggly. Or some of their hair won’t go back to its naturally curly state because it’s been straightened so much. Heat damage is a real issue that often results in hair breakage and split/weakened ends. Heat should be used sparingly on natural hair.

Don’t overuse protective styles

Yes, we can overuse protective styles. How? By taking down a protective style and then right away putting in another one. Over-manipulation of the hair or tight braids isn’t good for anyone – young or old. Give your daughter’s hair and scalp time to rest and breathe. Let them wear their afro out with a cute headband, or afro puffs, or a twist out for a few weeks. And when you do use a protective style on your daughter’s hair, make sure that you are still moisturizing her hair on a regular basis.

These are just suggestions based on my personal experience. If you have other suggestions, please feel free to share them in the comments!

xoxo