Educating Does Not Equal Judging

Since I’ve started vlogging on Youtube, I’ve noticed in some of the comments on my videos that a lot of people feel like I’m judging other people’s hair or haircare choices. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My goal has always been to educate black women about their natural hair and the healthiest ways to care for their hair based on my own research and experience. You don’t have to like or agree with what I say, but Google has always been free so feel free to do your own research. As a matter of fact, I strongly encourage doing your own research.

I go out of my way to uplift and be encouraging to all because being natural isn’t easy for everyone. Especially if you’ve never seen or dealt with your natural hair because you’ve gotten relaxers your entire life. Many are intimidated, insecure, and have very low self confidence in themselves when it comes to being natural, so the last thing we need is more negativity. If I can help others avoid common natural hair pitfalls that many newbies encounter, then I’m going to share my knowledge as much as possible.

Being on social media, I follow a lot of natural hair and loc pages on Facebook and Instagram. One of my favorites is locmamas on Instagram. She is a professional loctician of 26 years and is based out of Atlanta, GA and also has a shop in Philly. Last week she posted a video of a young lady’s locs who combed out her ends to have the goddess braids look.

The image below is how goddess braids look on someone who does not have locs.

The image below is the look/current trend called “goddess locs” that those with locs are trying to achieve.

Below is what the young lady did to her hair trying to achieve the goddess locs look. In this photo she’s sitting in a salon chair to have repairs made to her locs.

Ladies, please listen: If your natural hair does not have a loose curl pattern or curl up naturally when water touches it versus drawing up into an afro the minute moisture of any kind touches it, this style WILL NOT work for you. And if you can somehow get your ends to curl up, I know for a fact it’s going to take a lot of products and time to make that happen. But the bigger question is WHY? Why take down the ends of your locs for a look or style that you are bound to get bored with until the next trend comes along? This is the part of the game that I will never understand and it’s a conversation that needs to be had.

Unfortunately, the world is full of trend and fad followers thanks to social media. (i.e. videos of naturals getting relaxers or Jheri Curls, naturals relaxing their edges, videos of naturals and those with locs dying their hair different colors every other week, people combing out or cutting off their locs – and all mostly done for social media views and clicks.) What is equally unfortunate is that there are a lot of black women (young and old) who refuse to educate themselves about their natural hair. The end result of these trends are damaged hair, regret, tears and the need for someone to correct their mistakes.

When professional locticians and beauticians express their frustration with these trends, (which ultimately result in their phones blowing by people wanting them to fix the damage they’ve done to their hair) they’re accused of being judgmental. Please make it make sense.

“Why do you care what people do their hair?”

“Let people live!”

“You need to stop judging people’s personal choices!”

“It’s their hair, not yours!”

Really?

You’re right. It is their hair and their decision to make. But when you follow fads despite being advised against doing certain things to your hair and you do it anyway… only to find out that the advice you were given was correct… and now you’re asking that same person to FIX the damage you’ve caused, don’t you think it’s only natural for that beautician or loctician to feel a certain way? We brag on how versatile our kinky, coily hair is, how easy it is for African American women to change up their style at any given moment. Yes we can wear our hair natural, we can straighten it, we can crimp it, have finger waves, get braids, weaves, and wigs in every style imaginable. But we have to do better at doing these things in a safe and healthy way! It disturbs and saddens me to see so many women creating harmful content for clicks and their followers following their lead because it’s the latest trend on social media. It’s sending out the wrong message and it’s hurting the natural hair community.

We must get out of this idea that giving correct hair advice is equal or equivalent to judging. It is not! It only feels or sounds like judgement because you’re not hearing what you want to hear. Too many people want to be told that it’s ok to do all the damaging and unhealthy things that they want to do to their hair. Or, they’ve already done some damaging and unhealthy things to their hair and they don’t want to be told that it’s unhealthy or wrong. These same people will flip it and say “Well it worked for me…I’ve been doing it for years and my hair is healthy.” What they’re not telling you is how many times they’ve had to big chop and start all over because their hair fell out. Their not telling you how damaged their ends were or that the breakage they experienced was so severe that they had patches all over their head.

Beauticians and locticians may not have all the answers, but what they do have is experience. Those who have many years under their belt have seen and heard it all, especially from the hard headed clients who insist on doing damaging things to their hair and then come back to them to fix the damage. They are irritated, frustrated and tired. They wouldn’t be doing their jobs if they didn’t educate and try to correct bad hair habits. And when vloggers like myself and others make videos or post blogs about unhealthy and damaging hair habits, it’s to help – not judge. We all know that everyone has the right to do whatever it is they want to do to their hair. We just want you to be informed and do things in a safe and healthy way. As members of the natural hair community, it is all of our duty to teach.

Why Embracing Your Loc Journey In The Beginning is Vital

It warms my heart when I see women and girls choosing to get locs. What always worries me is do they know what they are getting into? Are they aware that this is a journey, that their hair is going to go through a lot of changes for the first two years? There’s so much to learn and know when embarking on the loc journey. There are things that you are going to experience that you’ve never experienced before.

Case in point:

When I first got locs, my scalp itched A LOT. It was dry, I was no longer combing my hair or manipulating it on a daily basis and my scalp had to adjust. Because I had sisterlocks, it wasn’t advised to oil my scalp or do anything for fear of slippage (slippage means your locs unraveling). On top of that, it was strongly suggested to only use the sisterlocks shampoo which was very drying to the hair (purposely to help the locking process) and scalp and ultimately contributed to my itchy scalp. But guess what? The itching became unbearable so I oiled the itchy areas with a mixture of light organic oils like jojoba, sweet almond oil with a few drops of peppermint. That worked for a hot second before I reached for my Sulfur 8 hair grease which gave me the relief I needed.

There are several lessons in my itchy scalp experience:

1. Regardless of the kind of locs you decide to get, you have to listen to your hair/scalp and do what’s best for YOU. Sisterlocks has a system that, in my personal opinion, is very suffocating and regimented. It works for a lot of women who love it, but it also doesn’t work others. They teach and preach that if you don’t do things exactly the way their system outlines (which includes buying and using their products), your locs will be ruined for not following the sisterlocks way. But here’s the thing: No two heads of hair are the same, so you can’t tell women that they MUST do this or that with their hair and scalp! So many women have sensitive scalps and various scalp conditions. Some of us find out we’re allergic to certain things AFTER getting locs!
2. Your loc journey is your own. If you feel okay with making your own path with your hair and how you care for it, then good on you! Good or bad, right or wrong, whatever the outcome may be you’ll only have yourself to blame or congratulate.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t listen to the advice of licensed (or unlicensed with years of experience under their belts) professionals. Sift through the advice and make sure it makes sense for YOU and your hair needs. Always remember that you have the final say over your hair. With that being said, when you make the big decision to get locs and then immediately cover them with wigs, braids or weaves for whatever reason – that’s a problem. While I’m a huge advocate of people doing what they feel they need to do to feel pretty, covering up your brand new locs is not one of them. Going through the various stages of growth and watching your locs form is vital to you learning to accept your overall beauty and embracing your journey.

There is so much beauty and power in our natural hair. When you loc your hair and begin the loc journey, you are embarking on a very unique and beautiful journey. And yes, it takes a certain amount of confidence to embrace not only how your hair changes, but how your looks will change. That confidence doesn’t come easy for everyone. In the beginning, depending on the type of locs you get, their size and the length of your hair, your locs will appear short. After you wash them for the first time they will shrink and look even shorter. This can be shocking, especially if your loose natural or straightened hair is much longer. A lot of women have a hard time with shrinkage. They get locs and think they are going to hang and look long like mature locs.

That’s not how it works.

It’s called a “Loc Journey” for a reason. Your newly installed locs are babies. They have to grow and mature to teenage and then adult locs. In between those stages a lot of things happen. When you wear your locs proudly without covering and hiding them, you get to see the beauty of what your natural kinky, coily hair can do when its left to breathe, form and grow. You develop a deeper appreciation and love for your hair and for yourself because you’ve persevered and stuck with all the ups and downs of your loc journey. Your confidence is boosted, and you start to see the beauty in yourself. Your natural self.

It makes me sad that a lot of women don’t feel pretty or see their beauty until their locs get shoulder length or longer. There’s a deeper issue happening where we as women have been conditioned to believe that our beauty depends on the length or texture of our hair. That’s an issue that can only be resolved individually by breaking the generational lie that we’ve all been told about our hair. We must change our mindset when it comes to our natural beauty whether if it’s our skin color, the shape of our noses or lips, our body type, or hair texture. We must realize that we as black women are beautiful WITH our kinky, coily hair. WITH our wide noses and full lips, and WITH our shapely curves. Stop allowing European standards of beauty be our standard of beauty. We are unique. Our hair is unique. There is nothing like our natural selves. When you decide to loc your hair, this is what you’re signing up for.

Locs aren’t just a style.

Locs aren’t just a fashion trend.

Locs are a commitment and a journey.*

Locs are hair freedom.

Locs are beautiful.

*For those who say that getting locs wasn’t some deep journey, you just wanted the style or look, you’re fooling yourself. You still have to commit to the process, and the process is part of the journey. Now if you opt for loc extensions, that’s a whole different story.

Learn to embrace your loc journey and your natural beauty.

Nine Years Natural, Five Years Loc’d

2023 marks two very important anniversaries for me – my natural hair journey and my loc journey. From the highs and lows of being natural – but embracing the process every step of the way, to learning patience and trusting the process with locs, all I can say is I wish I had embarked on these journeys sooner!

My hair right now is the longest it has ever been in my entire life – touching my bra strap in the back. Locs have been my saving grace and a true game changer. As someone who has always had her hair done by someone else – whether if it was my mom or my two older sisters when I was younger, or by beauticians when I got older, I never enjoyed doing my hair. So locs was the perfect solution for me.

Going from chemical relaxers to natural hair is a process and it starts mentally. You have to be mentally ready to embark on this journey of change and acceptance. You have to accept that combing your hair will not be easy anymore. You will have to invest in wide tooth combs to gently comb through your kinky coils. You will have to learn how to gently detangle your hair and take your time doing so. You will also have to learn what works for your hair and what doesn’t, what your hair likes and doesn’t like.

Most importantly, and this goes for natural hair or locs, you will have to mentally prepare yourself and then embrace how your appearance will change. To go from chemically relaxed straight hair to tightly coiled kinks (depending on your hair texture) will be shocking. Your hair will look compact and short. If you big chop, and depending on how low you go with your big chop, you’re pretty much going to look bald. Are you ready for that? These things should be thought about honestly before taking that plunge. I know a lot of women who’ve chopped off their hair out of impulse and then cry their eyes out afterward because they didn’t consider the impact it would have on them.

Every person is different. You can’t always compare experiences, but it’s good to talk to other women to get an idea of what it’s like, what they’ve gone through, and lessons learned. That’s what this blog is all about. I’ve learned so much along the way and I’m grateful for every experience. I’m glad that I went into this with an open mind, ready to embrace everything. And by everything I mean embracing the new me, accepting my changed looks, my new hair journey and learning to be patient. All the changes that came with big chopping and going natural, to deciding to get locs and going through the whole loc journey.

Locs are amazing. Locs are freedom. Locs are beautiful in all their stages. Be good to your locs and they’ll be good to you. Be good to your natural hair and it’ll be good to you. At the end of the day they both need lots of TLC and water, water, water!

Lastly, I will say this until my dying breath: Do what works for your hair. Create and follow the routine that works for you and your hair. No two heads of hair are alike. As long as it’s not harmful to you or your hair or scalp, go for it. Never let someone tell you that you have to follow their way or that you have to follow every step that they do. And never believe that a product will magically change your hair or the texture of your hair. If it does, it is doing so chemically the same way relaxers, texturizers or perms do and it’s BAD! It’s all LIES! Try your best to use only natural oils, creams or butters on your loose natural hair and DIY as much as possible so you know what you are putting on your scalp and hair. I’m an O.G. in this natural hair game and I love it! I love it when people stop me to talk about my locs or natural hair in general. I love giving all the advice I can and helping others as much as possible with their journey. I also enjoy helping those make the decision to embark on their natural hair or loc journey.

Natural hair IS for everyone. We are born with our natural hair. Once you go natural you’ll kick yourself for not doing it sooner. There is a community of support out there, there are natural hair tribes all over the place. Find your tribe. Go ahead and make that healthy choice for your hair and body. Become an O.G. in the natural hair game like me!

Loc Extensions – Let’s Talk About It

I’m pro do whatever gives you confidence when it comes to your hair. Personally, I have never had any interest in loc extensions, even when I first started on my loc journey. I knew my hair would grow and it would take time and patience. Plus I wanted to experience the entire loc journey.

Last week there was a picture posted in one of the loc groups I belong to and in the comments someone mentioned that people are posting pictures of their loc growth (before and after pics) but fail to mention that they have extensions. My mind was blown! I know people get extensions left and right. But what’s not talked about are those who LIE about their extensions but post photos of their “loc growth” and they’ve only been locked two or three years and their hair is to their bra strap or beyond. I always assumed that they started off with long hair because some people do, or their hair grows really fast. Call me naive.

No one is obligated to yell from the rooftops that they have loc extensions. But don’t act like your hair did all this growing when it didn’t! A lot of women get easily discouraged because they see someone who started their loc journey the same time they did but the other person’s hair is much longer than theirs. First of all, stop comparing your hair growth or loc journey to someone else’s! Everyone’s hair grows at a different pace. We all have different genes. And we have to remember that not everyone is going to be honest.

Now I wish I had a trained eye that can spot loc extensions! These services are being advertised everywhere on social media, Youtube, Pinterest, and in local advertisements for loc shops. You can’t get away from loc extensions which tells me that they are way more popular than I think. Here I am thinking everyone started from scratch like me and went through all the phases and was patiently waiting for the growth to happen when in reality, a lot of people are getting loc extensions! That really bums me out – but it shouldn’t.

Everybody’s loc journey is different. People are going to do things to their hair to make themselves feel good and confident. Most people who get loc extensions eventually cut them out as their real hair grows. And loc extensions need maintenance and most people don’t realize that. Also, if they are not installed properly or if quality hair isn’t used, they can look raggedy quickly. There’s a lot to consider before getting loc extensions. At the end of the day, it’s not cool to lie about your hair growth when you really have extensions. You’d be better off not saying anything than lying, and if you must say something, then be honest.

Natural Hair Nazis & Product Pushing Ruined The Natural Hair Community

I was reflecting on some of the issues plaguing the natural hair community. When I first went natural I found and joined natural hair groups on facebook and I found natural hair Youtubers to follow that I felt gave great advice. What I quickly came to realize is that there are a lot of crazy zealots out there who are looking for blind followers and worshippers. Literally. There were rules that they came up with that you had to agree to abide by before joining these groups, and there were crazy, rabid admins who policed every comment made, and if they were perceived as negative towards the “page leader/organizer” or if you disagreed with what the page leader/organizer said, you were immediately kicked out of the group and blocked. I cannot tell you how many groups I’ve come across like this in the beginning of my natural hair journey.

I call these crazy women Natural Hair Nazis because that’s exactly how they behaved. They wanted blind followers who agreed with everything they said and followed their ideas and practices when it came to their natural hair. These are the people who ruined the natural hair community in my opinion. There were many like myself who became jaded and disappointed with the amount of people who were more interested in having natural hair disciples or selling their e-books and products instead of providing a welcoming space of learning, discussion, encouragement, positivity and sisterhood. Over time I watched how many began to adopt the attitude of “To each his own” because they became so tired of these weirdos trying to force their way of thinking on everyone else.

In the almost 10 years that have passed since encountering and distancing myself from Natural Hair Nazis, I feel like natural hair education stopped being the focus. More and more people are focused on branding themselves and getting followers for the content they create. There are a lot of naturals who do product reviews and how to videos, and some do very well as far as monetizing their content, partnering with brands and gaining followers. But this is also where I feel torn because while I’m all for people getting their coins, I have a huge problem with product pushing. I know there are still those out there who do put out content that focuses on hair health, natural remedies and DIY recipes specifically for natural hair. I also wish those content creators got the shine they deserve in the natural hair community. Instead, the natural hair community, as it stands today, is more focused on product pushing, and that is a huge part of the disconnect that I see.

The majority of the products on the market today do not work on black women’s hair. The products that do work on our hair either don’t work for long or it works but it’s very expensive. But the bigger problem is a lot of products on the shelves contain harmful ingredients despite being labeled as “natural” or “organic”. They also use other eye catching words on their labels like shea butter, jojoba oil or any other type of oil that we know is good for our hair, but the product has little or none of those actual oils in it. So not only are we watching our wallets as far as how much we spend on products, but now we have to be diligent about reading labels. And let’s be honest, there are a lot of us who are not reading the labels to check for harmful ingredients. We just care about whether or not this product is going to make our natural hair curl and bounce and shine as advertised. And because a lot of these products do not live up to their promises, we get into the cycle of trying a different product, and another, and another. Before you know it you’re a full blown product junkie.

Even though I’m going on five years loc’d, I still see some of this mindset (negativity, harmful hair practices, and loc purists) in the loc community. People want to know what products they should use on their locs to soften them, to make them grow faster or loc faster. The secret is time and patience. That’s it. You have to be gentle and kind to your locs the same as you would be towards your loose natural hair. It amazes me how many people don’t know or realize this. It also amazes me how little people know about their natural hair, and it’s because of…you guessed it…lack of education. So maybe that’s where I go with my blog and my Youtube channel. Maybe my pivot is going back to natural hair education. Instead of complaining about what the natural hair community lacks, get back into doing my part in educating.

See, this is why I blog. Sometimes I have to talk through my feelings and problems with you guys to figure out my next move! Thanks for listening.

Four Years Loc’d

You guys know I’m a firm believer in documenting journeys. I’ve documented my natural hair journey from my big chop through locking my hair. I have so many pictures that I wanted to include in this post but they wouldn’t all download in WordPress. (Booo, hisssss!) Most of the pictures here are from year three til present. What I love about these photos is no matter how my locs looked, I still felt pretty. I love my locs!

There are a lot of people who don’t like their new growth to show. Some even go into a full blown panic when they have too much new growth. I love the fullness that new growth gives. Granted, my new growth can get unruly quite fast, I still love it. Locs in their true form aren’t meant to look neat. But sisterlocks are an alternative for those who like a neat look or who want the appearance of loose natural hair.

My loc journey has taken many twists and turns over these four years. I was infatuated with sisterlocks, so that’s what I got. About six months into my journey I realized I made a mistake in my loc choice. At the same time, I was having issues with my then loctician. After having locs for a year, I parted ways with her only to be disappointed by a few others.

Then the pandemic hit in 2020 and everything shut down. I had to make the decision of whether to self-maintain my locs or combine them. I had been thinking about combining them anyway so that’s what I did with the help of my sister-in-law. It was the best decision I could have made. I was much happier with my combined locs. I would go on to combine my locs several more times over the next two years. I did this for two main reasons: 1. I wanted my locs to be bigger. 2. I experienced thinning locs because I had gone too long in between reties and in order to save them I had to combine them. While looking for a new loctician, I had also decided that I would try twisting/palm rolling instead of interlocking. When I found my new person, that’s exactly what she did for me and she’s excellent at it and I couldn’t be happier. I feel my locs are thriving now.

There are many people that I know personally who started their loc journey around the same time as me and have cut off or combed out their locs and started their loc journeys over because they didn’t like the way they looked. Some didn’t like their parting, some didn’t like their size and they’d rather start over than be unhappy with how their hair looked. I get it. You have to do what makes you happy and what makes you feel confident. For me, I felt like I had invested so much money and time into my journey that starting over had to be my absolute last resort. They only way I’d start over is if my locs started to break off or fall out. I embraced the changes my locs went through, from combining and not having a true parting system. It never bothered me that my locs are different shapes and sizes. They are all unique. Otherwise I’m sticking with my locs and the journey continues!

I’m not ready to give up my hair freedom. I’m not willing to start over. I haven’t tired of my locs despite the challenges I’ve faced in my journey. Through all the changes, my hair continues to grow and thrive. I’m kind to my hair, I don’t do tight hair styles, I’m not constantly coloring my hair. Matter of fact, I rarely style my hair at all. I wear my satin bonnet to bed every night and I oil my scalp and locs as needed. I do need to do better with moisturizing my locs, but for the most part my locs are pretty healthy.

Locs have boosted my confidence. I feel prettier than ever, I feel sexy. I never thought I’d have hair this long in my life. I honestly don’t feel it would have grown this long as a loose natural. I want my hair to continue to grow and thrive, and it makes me happy that others look at my hair and want to loc their hair as well. It makes me happy hearing that others decided to loc their hair because of watching me on my loc journey. But what makes me the happiest is that my youngest daughter started her loc journey one year ago and my oldest daughter is about to embark on her loc journey soon. I’ve never been more proud!

My loc journey didn’t stop once my locs matured. My loc journey didn’t stop once my hair grew past my shoulders. Your loc journey continues as long as you have locs. Your hair will go through changes as your body changes. Age, menopause, hormones, LIFE. Here’s what four years of being locked have taught me:

1. When you leave your hair alone your hair will grow. Loc your hair.
2. If you have issues with patience, locs will force you have patience. There are no satisfying shortcuts. Loc your hair.
3. I thought my confidence got a boost big chopping and going natural. Having to watch my hair go through all the locking stages really taught me confidence and self love. Loc your hair.
4. I never knew what Hair Freedom was until I locked my hair. Being able to get up and go without worrying about my hair is everything. My hair can go from casual to elegant with a ponytail, bun, or braids without the use of chemical relaxers, flat irons, or a ton of products. I can flip my locs to one side and have an instant style for the day. This is true Hair Freedom. Loc your hair.

CHEERS to four years of being locked! CHEERS to Hair Freedom!!!

Locs Aren’t Meant To Be Perfect

It took me almost four years of having locs for me to realize that locs aren’t meant to be perfect. However, in the sisterlocks world, that’s the aesthetic they sell and that’s what you become obsessed with. When I realized that sisterlocks weren’t for me, my view on locs changed drastically.

Sisterlocks were designed to look like loose natural hair. Hair that could be curled, styled and worn like loose hair and still “look professional.” Professional to whom? We have to get away from this notion that our natural hair isn’t professional for the corporate world. Who says that thicker traditional locs aren’t professional? One woman made her idea and opinion on locs a rule and standard that black professional women should live by and it took off like wild fire. Some women use having sisterlocks as a status symbol because they cost so much to have installed.

Why are we as black women using our hair to look down at other black women? Are we really basing our worth on how much money we spent to get teeny tiny locs? I never understood this. I get the concept of sisterlocks. It’s a hairstyle that gives you a lot of options and versatility. It works for the corporate career woman who wants to give the appearance of looking professional by having these tiny, neat locs. But sisterlocks aren’t the standard for professional locs in my opinion.

Disclaimer: I’m not here to bash sisterlocks. They are beautiful and they work for a lot of women who have them. They just didn’t work for me.

If you follow my blog you know my story. I got sisterlocks in 2018. About six months into my journey I realized that I don’t like these tiny locs. I should’ve gotten traditional locs. In 2019 covid hit and the world shut down. I had already been thinking about combining my locs but covid made me go ahead with my decision. After combining my locs I continued to have them interlocked for about a year until I decided to have them twisted/palm rolled in late 2021.

With that said, my locs are not uniform in size. There is no grid or parting system that I adhere to. I have combined my locs many times because of size preference and to address some thinning locs. My roots are bushy with new growth after I wash my hair or when I need a retie. I love the fullness and thickness of my now bigger locs and my roots. None of these facts mean I have inferior, ugly or unprofessional locs. I’ve watched interviews of Jamaicans and other islanders who have locs and they all say that locs aren’t supposed to be neat or perfect – that’s an American concept. They also don’t understand the obsession of seeing your scalp or grid. Thick roots are beautiful to them. It’s a sign of healthy hair. They feel locs are supposed to be unique and have character and thick or bushy roots are nothing to be ashamed of.

Once you start to embrace your natural self, your natural hair included, you’ll start loving what you see in the mirror. You will come to realize that what you see in the reflection is enough. Your natural self is professional, beautiful and worthy. If your locs aren’t perfect and uniform that’s okay! There are so many ways we can style our hair, and if you don’t want to style your hair that’s okay too. My locs have gone through many changes within the past four years and I’m proud of how they look. I’m proud of how they’ve grown and matured. And I’m extremely happy that they aren’t perfect because I’m not a person that’s obsessed with perfection.

Not everyone feels the way I do about locs, and that’s okay. I think black women put so much undue pressure on themselves when it comes to our hair without even realizing it. This is not a competition about who spent the most money on their hair, especially when you can achieve the same look (doing it yourself or paying someone else for much cheaper) using braids or twists and no one would be the wiser! No one should be sitting in judgement over which style of locs is better. No matter how you start your locs, how much money was spent (if any), or if you have a grid or not, your locs are beautiful. Locs aren’t meant to be perfect.

Enjoy Your Loc/Natural Hair Journey

I was extremely excited and eager to learn everything when I went natural, and the same applied when I decided to loc my hair. Unfortunately, my excitement got dampened when I really immersed myself into the natural hair and loc worlds. There were a lot of so-called experts in the internet and social media arenas. There were so many rules that people tried to apply to every head of hair and every individual person when they didn’t. There are some key rules that we all should take to heart, but when it comes to the care of your hair and what you use to care for your hair – that is your decision alone.

What can be very daunting for anyone embarking on a new journey, be it hair, diet, lifestyle, or job is the amount of people who feel the need to push their rules and ways of doing things on you. It’s one thing to offer advice. If you have proven evidence to back up your advice, cool. But it’s a whole other thing when you present your personal advice as the rule. The constant rules from FB groups and blogs and YouTube channels are what caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. I was constantly questioning myself because someone out there was saying what I was doing was wrong, that you must do things their way and follow these rules otherwise your hair will fall out. And that’s no exaggeration! How are you supposed to enjoy your journey when you’re constantly bombarded by hair rules?

I think it’s natural when trying something new to want to follow the instructions to the letter. It’s in most of us to want to do things the right way especially when we are out of our element. I’m definitely that person. So when I embarked on my natural hair journey and my loc journey, I researched and I listened and I tried things out. The things that worked for me I kept doing, and what didn’t work for me I ignored. Sometimes the things that worked for me stopped working and I had to do something else. You have to be willing to make those adjustments throughout your journey.

My loc journey was definitely a journey. I was all in and ready to go through whatever I had to go through to reach my ultimate goal: the adult phase. The adult phase is also known as the mature phase and is the last phase of your loc journey. Once you reach this stage, all your locs will do is grow. There were a lot of bumps and bruises along the way that caused me stress and anxiety before I finally reached this phase. Not so much with my hair, but the locticians I entrusted to establish my locs and care for them afterward. I ran into a lot of shady people who were simply in it for the money. I was angry and distrustful for the first 3 1/2 years of my loc journey. Despite that, I never once regretted my decision to loc my hair. I just crossed paths with and trusted the wrong people. Now I’m happy and I’ve finally learned to relax and enjoy my hair.

My advice is to not do things that are detrimental to your hair. Don’t over process with coloring it too often. Don’t do a lot of tight hairstyles or any styles that cause a lot of stress on your edges or roots. This includes getting your locs retwisted or interlocked too often because you’re obsessed with your locs looking “neat” at all times. Don’t let a loctician convince you that you should get your locs retwisted or interlocked too soon/often, especially if there isn’t enough new growth to warrant a retwist or interlocking. Enjoy your natural hair or loc journey. Remember what made you go natural or loc your hair in the first place. That alone should make you smile with happiness.

I’m Finally At Peace With My Hair

For the first time in my life I’m actually at peace with my hair. I never thought I’d ever say that, let alone feel it. I’m not saying that my hair will never bother me. I’m still going to have those days here and there. But what I mean is, I finally love my hair and how it looks every single day. I love having locs and I love this journey.

I’ve been natural for nine years. I big chopped in 2013 and loc’d my hair in 2018. I love my natural hair. I wish I had gone natural years sooner. But figuring out what to do with my natural hair on a daily basis became a serious headache for me. Why? Well for one, I’m not someone who is good at experimenting with styles. I’m not blessed with the ability to execute styles that I come up with in my mind or see online. I would need someone else to do them for me. It’s one of the main reasons I relied heavily on protective styling, which turned out to be costly financially and physically. I eventually banned protective styling for myself because of the damage it caused to my scalp and hair. I began to rock my afro everyday instead. I was tired and fed up and felt that something had to give. That’s when I seriously began to consider locs.

Getting locs was one of the best hair decisions I’ve ever made besides going natural. I thought my natural hair taught me some things, but locs was the real teacher of patience. Having locs is a process, and there’s no skipping the process (unless you get loc extensions). Allowing yourself to go through all of the loc steps will make you appreciate having locs all the more. My locs took a good two years before they all fully locked, and the locking process varies from one head of hair to the next. To watch my hair transform over weeks, months and years is nothing short of amazing. There was a time when I felt my hair would never grow. There was a time when I thought my locs would never thicken up. This is where documenting your journey through photos come into play. Taking pictures of my hair every month really told my hair story. When I thought my hair wasn’t growing, the pictures showed my growth. When I thought my locs weren’t thickening, the pictures showed that they were. When I thought my locs weren’t locking, the pictures showed they were locking.

Now I’ll admit – in the beginning I did obsess over my loose hairs that didn’t grow inside my locs. I did obsess about thinning locs. But as time went on and life threw its curve balls at me (the pandemic and many deaths in my family) those things began to matter less and less. I stopped talking about them as much, I stopped blogging or vlogging about them. Here I am in year four of having locs and I finally feel a sense of peace and calm about my hair. I finally feel the fullness of the freedom I have with my hair to be able to get up and go and do absolutely nothing to my locs other than moisturize them and oil my scalp when needed. I can’t exactly pinpoint when I stopped obsessing over my hair, but it was definitely sometime in year three.

Finding a reliable loctician helped me to stop obsessing. Not having a reliable and good loctician was one of my main stressors. I’m not the type who likes to do my own hair. I would much rather be pampered by someone else. Yes, we should all know how to care for our own hair to some extent. But I will gladly pay a professional who went to school for caring for other people’s hair to care for my hair. I’ve been seeing my loctician for seven, almost eight months now and outside of one mishap on her part, I’ve had no other problems. Her excellent work on me and my daughter’s hair speaks for itself.

Life also helped me to stop obsessing. There were a lot of sickness and death that happened in the last 2 1/2 – 3 years. I lost a lot of close friends, family members, my mom in particular. 2020 is still a blur to me. Death will always put life into perspective for me. I realized who and what are important, who and what is worthy of my attention and worry and who and what isn’t. I make sure I make the best use of the life and time I have on this earth with the people I love. Hair is just hair. Yes it means a lot to women, yes it is our crown and glory. But at the end of the day, life means more than my hair. If I were to cut my locs off today and have a bald head, I’d make the most of my bald head. Would I miss my locs? Of course. But is it the end of the world? Not at all.

It feels good to be in this place in my life with my hair. My relationship with my hair will always be a little complicated, and that’s okay. But my hair no longer rules me, it no longer consumes my thoughts. My plan is to keep my locs for as long as possible. However long that will be, we’ll see. Life will go on because I am at peace with my hair.

Three Years Loc’d

Happy Three Year Loc-versary to me!

To acknowledge this anniversary, I was prepared to do my usual – post photos showing my hair from when I first got locs until now. But then I decided not to. I decided to take a picture that shows the current state of my hair:

Yes, my forehead is big. 😂 As of today it’s been almost four months since my last retie. I’ve combined some locs along the way so I believe my current loc count is at 170 something or high 160’s for those who care about how many locs I have. The new growth is very real. My hair has grown a lot, and continues to grow. The gray hairs are poppin’ out along my hairline, and that’s okay. I love the fullness of my hair with all of this new growth and do not look forward to my retie because I’m going to see a lot of scalp, LOL!

But also on this three year loc-versary, I’d rather talk about some things I’ve learned along the way:

• Patience is key. Locs take time. The locking and growth will come. Be patient.
• Good locticians are hard to find. There is no escaping the drama of regular hair salons. Locticians and natural hair salons are just as bad if not worse. Be prepared to have back up plans.
• You will be doing yourself a huge favor learning how to interlock or twist your own hair. Refer back to #2 as to why.
• Find your tribe aka support group. Look for them locally in your city or on Youtube, Facebook, Instagram or even Tik Tok. You need that support, especially in the beginning of your journey. It helps to talk to others who have been through or are currently going through what you are. I’ve found an amazing tribe on Youtube and in my own Facebook group.
• DO NOT listen to the negative comments of family, friends, workmates or even strangers. Some are well meaning but others are not. Your journey is your own. Those who speak negatively about your hair or journey speak out of ignorance, fear, and jealousy because they aren’t courageous enough to wear their natural hair, let alone loc it. If they need checking, CHECK THEM so they’ll think twice about spewing their negative energy toward you about YOUR HAIR!
• Document your journey through pictures. You will be amazed at the transformation your hair makes over time.
• Embrace each stage of your locs. Try not to cover them up more than needed. The more you see yourself rocking your locs, the more you will embrace them. The more you will find cute ways to wear them. Don’t be ashamed of your locs just because they are short or you’re in the beginning stage of your journey. Your locs are beautiful at all stages!

A lot of the things I’ve listed aren’t new. I’ve spoken about them many times, but the thing is they still apply three years later. What worked for me may not work for you, and vice versa. You will still find product junkies who have locs. You will find those who are minimalists when it comes to their locs, while others are somewhere in between. At the end of the day you have to do what’s best for your scalp and hair.

At one point I was obsessed with coming up with my own hair growth oil using natural and organic ingredients. I have the pandemic to thank for that, LOL! Being stuck at home and bored had me taking on A LOT of hobbies! But nothing beats time and patience. Sure, there are some oil combinations/concoctions that can help with hair growth, but time and patience is what wins in the end. It took me a while to learn that.

Cheers to three years, and here’s hoping for three plus years of healthy, beautiful locs and growth!

xoxo