Sis. Where Have You Been?

Yes, I’ve been M.I.A. for a short minute, but for a very good reason. I’ve been busy BAKING COOKIES! I’ve started back baking cookies and trying to get my side gig off the ground. (If you’re confused, keep reading and then click on the link for my cookie blog to get all caught up.) For the past month I’ve been baking every Saturday, filling orders and shipping them. It’s been fun, busy, and very, very exciting. It’s been my dream for so long and I’ve finally taken the final leap of just DOING IT. I’ve started and stopped so many times over the years that I’ve finally gotten to the point of realizing that if not now, when? If you want to see for yourself what I’ve been up to, check out my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/SonyaSweetSomethings/. I’ve also started a blog about baking cookies and you can follow it here https://sonyassweetsomethings.wordpress.com/

What about my sisterlocks?

As far as my sisterlocks go, I’ve been doing some experimenting! Lately, I’ve been thinking about flat ironing my locs. Don’t ask me why, but I’ve been intrigued by it ever since I saw the cheesy sisterlocks video on the sisterlocks website almost a year ago. Now that I have some length and I’m just a week away from my one year loc anniversary, I figured ‘why not?’ So a day after washing my hair, I got the flat iron, put it on 370 temperature (my flat iron goes to 410) and went through my locs once. I made a video about it. Check it out!

They looked stringy, but it made me happy to see the length! So after an hour of enjoying the length, I quickly realized that I couldn’t walk around with stringy locs. Plus I had some place to be the next day, so I needed to do something. Curls. I wanted some curls and some volume. But I hate sleeping in rollers. Years ago I wouldn’t think twice about putting rollers in my hair. Now, I can’t do it.

Bantu knots to the rescue!

One of the quickest ways to get curls as a loose natural was always bantu knots for me. So I took small sections of my locs and spritzed them with a water and oil mixture, two strand twisted them and then put them in bantu knots all over my head. When I went to bed that night, they didn’t hurt my head when I slept nor did they come down. The next morning when I took them down, I had a head full of glorious curls! I also made a quick video to show you the results.

There are a lot of people who don’t like straight locs and prefer to have curls in them. I’m not one of them. But I must say that I loved how my locs looked after doing bantu knots. I did the bantu knots Saturday evening. Today is now Thursday and my hair is still holding curls. Many swear by curl formers and other loc curlers, but I swear by bantu knots!

hows my dry itchy scalp?

Funny you should ask! First off, the temperature where I live is currently 13 degrees. That wasn’t a typo. It’s 13 degrees outside and we got more snow yesterday. Yes, more. We got 5+ inches of snow on Halloween. Gotta love Wisconsin weather! So since we’ve completely skipped over fall and jumped head first into winter, my dry itchy scalp is only going to get worse, which means I need to be more diligent about keeping my scalp happy. This means washing more often, and oiling my scalp with a water based oil concoction that I’ve created. They are all light oils that are great for the scalp and help the scalp combat dandruff while promoting hair growth: vitamin E oil, sweet almond oil, peppermint essential oil, tea tree essential oil, and a dash of castor oil.

Also, I add peppermint essential oil OR tea tree essential oil to my sisterlocks dandruff shampoo. It’s soooo soothing and provides instant relief to my very itchy scalp. After I dry all the excess water out of my hair, I spritz my scalp with my concoction and I either let my hair air dry (if I know I’m not leaving the house anymore) or I’ll blow dry it on low heat. So far this has been working pretty well for me and my scalp. My deathly fear of having build up in my locs due to using oils is a thing of the past. I don’t use oils daily, only after a wash, and even still I’m going to play it by ear as we get deeper into the cold winter months. I may need to use oils more often.

Welp, that’s it y’all. That’s what I’ve been up to. How about you? How are your locs or loose natural hair doing? Let me know! I’d love to hear from you! ❤

I Wish…

I wish I could wrap my arms around every woman – natural or not – who is scared and doesn’t have the confidence to rock their natural hair.

I wish I could convince black women that they don’t need to have defined curls in order for their hair to be pretty, especially if they have 4c hair. Your kinks and coils are beautiful just the way they grow out of your head. There’s nothing wrong with having defined curls, but don’t let that pursuit define you.

I wish there was a way to stop all the wolves in sheep clothing from making money by  misleading and flat out lying about their snake oil products that are currently on the shelves in hair salons and stores.

I wish black women with 4c hair would wake up and educate themselves about their hair so they can stop being fooled by stylists and manufacturers who claim to have better methods/ways/products to curl up their hair when it is completely false. All it’s doing is feeding the false narrative that curly, defined hair is the only natural hair to have.

The argument

Last week I allowed myself to enter into a semi-argument with a white stylist who helps women with all hair types achieve defined curls. A natural hair page that I follow on Instagram posted a video of him cutting a curly woman’s natural hair. She was biracial and looked to have 3a -3b type hair. I had never heard of this stylist before in my life, but I quickly realized why. His clientele includes mostly white women and bi-racial women with a few African American women sprinkled in from the photos and videos he has posted. On his Instagram page he explains his methods and makes it clear that he does not see anyone who uses oils, heavy creams or ‘motor oils’ in their hair because he feels oils of any kind only clog your pores and prevents your hair from growing and breathing. It goes against his methods. The way he worded it rubbed me the wrong way. First, he’s not the first stylist I’ve come across to speak against using oil in your hair. I don’t agree with them, but to each his own.

Hypocrisy with a side of snake oil

This is what I absolutely HATE: Stop making blanket statements about ethnic hair and what should and should not be used for said hair. Africans and many other cultures have used natural oils and butters on their scalps and hair for centuries, and it has resulted in healthy, long, beautiful hair. But now because you have products you want to sell and a “new method” for achieving curls, we’re supposed to stop using oils? No sir.

This stylist went on to tell a woman that she only uses oils and butters “because someone told you to.” Excuse you, but aren’t you now doing the same thing? You want ethnic women, African American women and biracial women to stop using oils and butters because YOU said so? Not to mention you have a line of products that you’re trying to sell! You have an agenda just like all these other companies selling snake oil to the uninformed. Please have several seats.

Keep your condescension

Perhaps if he had first acknowledged WHY Africans and other cultures use oils and butters and then explain why his method is more beneficial for achieving curls, (because that’s what he’s selling – curly hair) then maybe I wouldn’t have felt some type of way. However, it was clear that his sole purpose was to promote his products and brand, not to educate. In doing so, he completely disrespected, disregarded, and had a very condescending attitude toward those who do use oils and butters or ‘motor oils’ (hair grease where the main ingredient is petroleum) on their hair. This, to me, is not cool and I pointed all of this out to him. He ended the conversation with “You clearly just met me and know nothing about me. Have a good day.” I was quite tickled. Clearly I touched a nerve, but I had to call him out.

First of all, the majority of the photos on his page were of white women or biracial women with curly hair. If that’s your clientele then I get it – heavy oils and butters are not beneficial for their hair. But if you claim to care for all hair types, then show that in your photos and videos. I didn’t see that when I visited his page and I pointed that out. The next day he responded to my comment telling me to look at his page and videos, and low and behold he has more photos of black women with 4c hair and a video of him personally washing a black woman’s hair. 😒

Not every natural hair page represents your hair

I shared all of that to say this: I had to come to realize that not every natural hair page is geared toward nor promotes 4C hair. The natural hair page that I followed on Instagram  posted a lot of curly hair photos and videos, women with 3a, 3b hair – hair that look nothing like mine. They are the reason why I ended up arguing with a stylist, which to me turned out to be a good thing because if nothing else I hope it made him aware of how misleading his claims are and the need to make sure his photos and videos reflect what he claims. But it also made me realize that I need to seek out natural hair pages that reflect my hair. I need to see 4c hair that look like mine. I need to see 4c kinks celebrated and elevated, not videos and photos of people trying to achieve curls who have a totally different hair type than my own.

I did some cleaning

I began to go through the natural hair pages I follow on Instagram and Facebook and I deleted all those that were not dedicated to 4c hair. It was time that I did some cleaning. I then searched out and followed pages that are dedicated to 4c hair. Problem solved. Representation matters. When you don’t see yourself represented in certain areas of the natural hair community, you have to do something about it. Otherwise you’ll find yourself wishing, desiring, and becoming envious of what you don’t have instead of loving and embracing the beauty you do have. I hate that there is this deep divide within the natural hair community with 4c hair being the forever stepchild, but there are ways around that without discriminating against other hair types.

Find your tribe

This is so important. Finding your tribe does not mean you dislike others in the natural hair community. It means you’ve found those with hair more like yours that you can bond with and exchange ideas and tips from. Finding your tribe keeps you grounded. Finding your tribe helps you to appreciate the beauty of your hair. Finding your tribe will keep you from thinking that you need bouncy curls in order for your natural hair to be beautiful. Finding your tribe will allow you to laugh and side eye those who say natural oils and butters are bad for your 4c hair.

Newborn And Infant Hair Care

My oldest daughter Taylor at three months of age. 

There’s nothing more natural than the hair of a newborn baby. Most, but not all, African American babies are born with a head full of hair. New mothers, including myself, are often full of questions when it comes to caring for the hair of a newborn baby. For African American mothers, the questions are usually How often should I wash their hair? What should I put in their hair after washing it? Do I put oil in their hair, and if so what do I use? Thankfully I was blessed to have my mother (who raised six kids) to help me through it all.

But what if you’re a white mother or father who adopted an African American baby? Not knowing what to do or where to begin with your child’s hair can be overwhelming, and I’m here to help. Now let me be clear (*disclaimer*), as a mother of four children, I’m speaking from my own experience as an African American woman and from what I know to be true or common when it comes to African American hair. Your experiences may not be the same as mine, so please feel free to make adjustments as you see fit.

Hair Textures & When to Wash

No two heads of hair are alike, and this is especially true for African American hair. That is why it is vital that you learn about the different hair textures that we have so you’ll know how to care for your babies hair. At birth your baby may have fine, soft, straight, or curly hair. However, around four or five months, your baby’s hair will go through “the change” where that fine baby hair changes into thick, coarse, soft or curly or wavy hair. Or it can be a combination of any of those textures. Because of our textured hair, it tends to be drier and can easily break off. So it is a must that you handle your babies hair with gentle care

While it is very common for other cultures to wash their hair once a day to remove excess oil from their hair, African American hair needs those natural oils. Frequently washing African American hair strips it of its natural oils and can leave our hair dry, brittle, and frizzy. When it comes to your baby, washing their hair once a week with a mild baby shampoo is perfectly fine. Because they have such sensitive scalps and a soft spot on their head, you should not wash their hair every day. Unless of course they have some kind of medical condition and are under doctors orders. Also, when washing your babies hair, there is no need to work up a lather when using shampoo. Just gently distribute the shampoo through their hair enough to clean it and rinse with lukewarm water.

After their hair is washed, add a small amount of baby oil to their hair and gently massage it in. Then you can comb it with a wide tooth comb (the teeth in baby combs are too small and tend to snag in curly, textured hair and can be painful to the baby) or brush with a fine bristled baby brush. Other oils that are mild and safe to use on your babies hair are extra virgin olive oil, jojoba oil, or organic coconut oil.

Texture Change 

As mentioned earlier, you may notice around four or five months that your babies hair texture is changing. Their hair may become thicker and longer with tighter coils or curls, which will require more care and attention. It is important to keep their hair detangled and moisturized as it will become even more prone to dryness. Continue to use a mild baby shampoo, but this is also a good time to use a mild conditioner as well. It is also a good time to use cream based products to keep their hair moisturized. Oil alone will not moisturize their hair. See the link at the end of the blog for suggestions of products to use on your baby’s hair after the texture change.

How to Detangle

Once your babies hair texture has changed, it is best to detangle your babies hair after it’s been washed or when it’s slightly damp. NEVER comb or detangle your babies hair while it’s dry. You will encounter a lot of tangles and knots that can snag in the comb. Again, this will hurt your babies sensitive scalp. To detangle, start at the ends and gently work your way up. If you notice knots or tangles, try to detangle with your fingers first with a little oil on our fingers. If it’s not time to wash their hair, you can take a wet washcloth (a soft one) and ring out the extra water and gently rub it over your babies hair just to dampen it. Then add a little oil (jojoba, coconut, or baby oil) and gently massage it through their hair and proceed to combing and detangling.

 

                                    My daughters Taylor, age 2 and Talya, age 5 months wearing ponytails and curly afros.

Styling

Nothing makes new mothers happier than to be able to put pretty bows, headbands, and barrettes in their little girl’s hair, especially when they have enough hair to put into ponytails, plaits or braids. For some babies, it is a necessity to style their hair to cut back on tangles and the matting of the hair. This is especially true with African American babies. Depending on the length, a few ponytails with cloth rubber bands should suffice. If you have to force your babies hair into a ponytail with a lot of pulling, don’t do it. Leave their hair alone. Try to stay away from styles that require a lot of pulling of the hair, and avoid tight ponytails and braids. Two of my children were born with a ton of hair, and it only got longer and longer as they got older, so I had no choice but to put their hair in ponytails, plaits or braids to keep it from tangling or matting.

As time goes on, you will develop a hair care routine for your baby, and you will learn what works and what doesn’t for their hair. It’s nice to have a guide of what to expect as you experience your babies hair changes and growth. Did you find this information helpful? Did I miss anything? Please leave a comment and let me know!

For additional information on what products to use on your babies hair – African American or bi-racial, check out this website:

https://www.mom365.com/baby/baby-care/dry-hair-solutions-for-baby

 

The Erasure of Kinky Hair

The erasure of kinky hair is a real issue, and I’ve been speaking on it since I started this blog and big chopped over four years ago. One glaring and utterly disturbing thing I noticed after becoming natural was black natural haired women’s obsession with having curly hair and all the bloggers, vloggers, and hair products that promote this trend. I didn’t understand it then, and I don’t understand it now. For many African American women, being natural isn’t pretty unless your hair is curly. I’m talking about those who aren’t happy with a simple twist out or braid out; they want that curly hair on a constant basis from using one or a bunch of products that will magically make their hair curl. What they fail to realize is that for many, despite the products they use, their hair still may not curl up the way they want it to – especially if they have kinky hair. I’ve even heard women say that they stopped being natural because their hair wouldn’t curl like the other naturally curly women (mixed race women or the bloggers who have 3b – 4a type hair).  I’ve also heard women say that they refuse to go natural because they know  their hair won’t curl up. All of these sentiments sadden me.

I always thought that the natural hair movement was about encouraging black women to embrace their hair as it grows out of their scalp and to learn to nourish it, take care of it and most importantly, love it. At least that’s what it means to me. But the constant barrage of images of women with curly hair due to their mixed heritage or whose hair type is simply naturally curlier than those with kinky hair has many black women seeking something that may never happen for them unless they become product junkies and buy a bunch of products. This, in turn, does not allow them to love and appreciate their hair for what it does naturally on its own and accept their hair for what it cannot do. In turn, they give up on their natural hair journey because of disappointment and unrealistic expectations.

I have nothing against curly girls. I love and appreciate them. But we cannot ignore the fact that there is still a lack of representation for those who have kinky hair. I place the bulk of the blame on the companies who market false hopes and misguided ideas of beauty to women with kinky hair that they too can have instant curly hair by using a cream, gel or shampoo. Curly hair is not what makes natural hair beautiful. Being natural and no longer poisoning your hair, scalp, and essentially your body with chemical relaxers is what is beautiful.  Caring for your hair with all natural oils and products is what is beautiful.

Making the decision to rock your natural hair is not something you should take lightly. It’s an emotional journey, it’s time-consuming, and it’s full of highs and lows. Sticking to that decision when experiencing the frustrating lows is even harder. But one of the worst things you can do is to go into your natural hair journey with unrealistic expectations. If you’re a kinky haired girl, learn to love your kinks and coils and don’t be ashamed to rock them. It is completely okay if your hair doesn’t curl up magically after putting a curling pudding on it. Don’t allow our kinky hair to be erased because society and hair care lines are catering to and promoting curly hair every time you go to the store, or look at a magazine or watch a TV commercial. Kinky hair is beautiful. Kinky hair needs representation. We are not the stepchild of the natural hair community. We will not be erased.

When The Creamy Crack Lures You Back

Hair is such a personal and emotional thing for women. We can wake up one morning and decide to cut it all off, dye it, wear a wig, get a sew in, or have it braided. It’s no different when it comes to having natural hair or having it chemically straightened with relaxers.

When I first started on my natural hair journey, I was like a sponge. I reached out to fellow naturalista’s and asked questions about their journey, what natural products did they use on their hair, etc. I was so excited and eager! Then I talked to those who were once natural but went back to the creamy crack, and it broke my heart. I couldn’t understand how that could happen because being natural is healthier, it’s liberating, it’s part of our culture. It’s the best thing ever…right? Well, that’s how I felt, and still feel. Fast forward a few years and I’ve come to realize, and respect, that not everyone falls in love with their natural hair. Natural hair is truly a struggle for some women.

For some, natural hair isn’t convenient because of the time it takes to care for and style it. It can also be expensive because of the plethora of products available in stores and on line for you to try, which can easily turn you into a product junkie. Others get disappointed when they can’t achieve the curly hair that they see promoted in advertising. I’ve also heard many times “My hair doesn’t act right natural.” There can be so many reasons why their hair doesn’t act right such as not having a healthy diet, not having a consistent hair care routine, or using products containing harsh chemicals. Maybe they aren’t keeping their hair properly moisturized. Whatever the reason, it’s making some women give up on their natural hair and go back to the creamy crack.

Hair relaxers were coined ‘creamy crack’ for a reason. It’s lure is powerful, and all it takes is one experience to become addicted. It offers convenience and versatility. You can apply it yourself or go to the beauty shop. It’s readily available, and it’s cheap – just like crack cocaine. The “high” that creamy crack offers lasts 3 – 4 weeks, sometimes longer depending on how you feel about having nappy roots (aka new growth). As with most drugs, the side effects of hair relaxers are awful: Scalp burns that often cause hair loss or permanent hair loss, breakage, and exposure to chemicals and toxins that get absorbed through our scalp and into our bodies that can cause a myriad of health issues. Despite the many cons of using hair relaxers, it’s still addictive and you come to depend on it, just like crack cocaine. I have firsthand knowledge since I was a hair relaxer addict for over 24 years.

In the end, I can understand why some do go back to the creamy crack. I have several friends who have big chopped many times, gone back to the creamy crack several times, all for various reasons. At the end of the day, we all have to do what is best for ourselves. But, knowing what I know now about chemical relaxers, and having watched Chris Rock’s documentary Good Hair, there’s no way I’ll go back to creamy crack. We’ve broken up for good.

 

The Forgotten Ones

The subject I’m about to discuss is a sensitive subject for many naturals, mainly because the natural hair movement started out being for and about black women. It was our movement celebrating our unique hair because it wasn’t being celebrated by society or mainstream media. But as time went on, we began to hear from other women who didn’t quite look like us, but had something in common with us: Curly hair that those in their own culture deemed unruly, unprofessional and ugly. They also have a hard time taming and finding the right products for their curly hair. These are women who are of Irish, Jewish, or other nationalities with naturally curly hair.

The fact that these women felt that they didn’t have a voice or platform to discuss their hair issues, which ultimately led them to the natural hair movement of African American women where we discuss every hair issue under the sun, intrigued me. Who would have thought that white women with curly hair would have hair issues? Who could possibly call their hair ugly? Okay, I can see their hair possibly being hard to manage because of the long length and curls, but still! The younger me would have loved to have their hair! It wasn’t until I started to read different articles about their hair struggles and how far back the hair shaming and hate goes that I developed a better understanding and empathy for these women, or as I call them, the forgotten ones. I was also fortunate enough to have conversations with a workmate who began to relate to me her own personal struggles with being a redheaded, curly haired Irish woman. From dealing with bullying as a child, perverted stereotypes of redheaded women as an adult, and being constantly reminded that her naturally curly hair wasn’t acceptable during her twelve year career as a television news reporter. Aside from being a television reporter, those are all things that I know I, as a black woman can relate to.

Our conversations started because she follows my natural  blog and she would tell me how much she loves that I blog about my natural hair journey and how I’m constantly reaffirming that our natural hair is beautiful. Her hair is thick, long and naturally curly. Like African American hair, any amount of heat or humidity makes her hair big, curly and hard to maintain. When she became a reporter, it was put into her contract that she had to chemically straighten her naturally curly hair. Curly hair was not allowed on television. Imagine having to do this every three months and pay $300 each time – for 12 years! During the summer months it didn’t matter if her hair was chemically straightened or not, the heat and humidity would poof up her hair and it would curl up anyway – and she’d get reprimanded for it.  It wasn’t just her who got talked to, it was all female reporters with naturally curly hair who were constantly chastised and reminded that if their hair wasn’t bone straight, it was unacceptable and a violation of rules. Talk about a blow to your self-esteem!

Then there’s the myth that red hair is tied to witch craft and the devil. So being a redhead was like a curse. In certain parts of Europe, having red hair could get you killed. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around that one. But nothing much has changed because today, having red curly hair still makes you a walking target for ridicule and shunning. My heart went out to her as she related different stories to me about her hair struggles, and how self conscience it’s made her over the years. Finding a beautician who knew how to care for and maintain her curly mane was a nightmare in itself.

What I find to be particularly disturbing and frankly disgusting, is the lack of knowledge, awareness or education within the news industry when it comes to female reporters of different races, backgrounds and hair types. This lack of awareness exists because the powers that be don’t care. What matters to them is ratings and viewer opinion. The viewers want to see female reporters with bone straight hair, therefore that is what the news outlets provide. For black female reporters, this means wearing weaves, wigs, or having to chemically relax their hair in order to be in front of the camera. No Afros or curly hair. To the viewing public, textured or ethnic hair of any kind is unkempt and unprofessional. I’ll let you take a wild guess as to who mostly make up this viewer demographic. Yup, you guessed it, white viewers. Unfortunately, in 2017 we are still dealing with this kind of close-minded thinking, hair shaming, and discrimination.

I make it a point to tell my workmate that her naturally curly hair is beautiful. I love that it’s red. It makes her unique. I love her freckles. They add character and enhance her beauty. In my eyes she is beautiful. Period. Women and girls who have naturally curly hair, regardless of race, need to hear that their hair is beautiful. No one should grow up hearing that their hair is ugly or be teased and called demeaning names. As women, we should uplift one another every chance we get. So while the natural hair movement started out being about us, African American women, it needs to branch out to the women who are also discriminated against, ridiculed, and looked upon as less than because of how their hair grows out of their scalp. Telling a female that her natural hair is ugly isn’t just about her hair. Those hurtful words get internalized to the point that when she looks at herself in the mirror, she starts to view her entire being as ugly. This is where low self-esteem and self worth come into play, and it can stay with you well into  adulthood. These women and girls will no longer be “the forgotten ones” to me. I welcome and celebrate all natural redheads and/or curly haired females. We all should.

And please, don’t say that these women should start their own movement or why can’t we ever have our own stuff to ourselves. It’s not about that. African American hair is unique. It’s beautiful. Our hair is not appreciated for it’s natural beauty still in mainstream media or in general, but we’re also not the only ones with textured, curly hair or who have hair struggles. I’m glad to see bloggers like Curly Nikki embrace curly haired women of all ethnic backgrounds and provide them with helpful tips and suggestions. That kind of welcoming, helpful spirit is what leads to better understanding and communication among women of all backgrounds. Isn’t that what we need anyway?

I found this great article below that speaks about redhead bullying. Check it out and tell me what you think!

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/ama-yawson/red-ginger-hair-rare-and-_b_6071202.html