Educating Does Not Equal Judging

Since I’ve started vlogging on Youtube, I’ve noticed in some of the comments on my videos that a lot of people feel like I’m judging other people’s hair or haircare choices. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My goal has always been to educate black women about their natural hair and the healthiest ways to care for their hair based on my own research and experience. You don’t have to like or agree with what I say, but Google has always been free so feel free to do your own research. As a matter of fact, I strongly encourage doing your own research.

I go out of my way to uplift and be encouraging to all because being natural isn’t easy for everyone. Especially if you’ve never seen or dealt with your natural hair because you’ve gotten relaxers your entire life. Many are intimidated, insecure, and have very low self confidence in themselves when it comes to being natural, so the last thing we need is more negativity. If I can help others avoid common natural hair pitfalls that many newbies encounter, then I’m going to share my knowledge as much as possible.

Being on social media, I follow a lot of natural hair and loc pages on Facebook and Instagram. One of my favorites is locmamas on Instagram. She is a professional loctician of 26 years and is based out of Atlanta, GA and also has a shop in Philly. Last week she posted a video of a young lady’s locs who combed out her ends to have the goddess braids look.

The image below is how goddess braids look on someone who does not have locs.

The image below is the look/current trend called “goddess locs” that those with locs are trying to achieve.

Below is what the young lady did to her hair trying to achieve the goddess locs look. In this photo she’s sitting in a salon chair to have repairs made to her locs.

Ladies, please listen: If your natural hair does not have a loose curl pattern or curl up naturally when water touches it versus drawing up into an afro the minute moisture of any kind touches it, this style WILL NOT work for you. And if you can somehow get your ends to curl up, I know for a fact it’s going to take a lot of products and time to make that happen. But the bigger question is WHY? Why take down the ends of your locs for a look or style that you are bound to get bored with until the next trend comes along? This is the part of the game that I will never understand and it’s a conversation that needs to be had.

Unfortunately, the world is full of trend and fad followers thanks to social media. (i.e. videos of naturals getting relaxers or Jheri Curls, naturals relaxing their edges, videos of naturals and those with locs dying their hair different colors every other week, people combing out or cutting off their locs – and all mostly done for social media views and clicks.) What is equally unfortunate is that there are a lot of black women (young and old) who refuse to educate themselves about their natural hair. The end result of these trends are damaged hair, regret, tears and the need for someone to correct their mistakes.

When professional locticians and beauticians express their frustration with these trends, (which ultimately result in their phones blowing by people wanting them to fix the damage they’ve done to their hair) they’re accused of being judgmental. Please make it make sense.

“Why do you care what people do their hair?”

“Let people live!”

“You need to stop judging people’s personal choices!”

“It’s their hair, not yours!”

Really?

You’re right. It is their hair and their decision to make. But when you follow fads despite being advised against doing certain things to your hair and you do it anyway… only to find out that the advice you were given was correct… and now you’re asking that same person to FIX the damage you’ve caused, don’t you think it’s only natural for that beautician or loctician to feel a certain way? We brag on how versatile our kinky, coily hair is, how easy it is for African American women to change up their style at any given moment. Yes we can wear our hair natural, we can straighten it, we can crimp it, have finger waves, get braids, weaves, and wigs in every style imaginable. But we have to do better at doing these things in a safe and healthy way! It disturbs and saddens me to see so many women creating harmful content for clicks and their followers following their lead because it’s the latest trend on social media. It’s sending out the wrong message and it’s hurting the natural hair community.

We must get out of this idea that giving correct hair advice is equal or equivalent to judging. It is not! It only feels or sounds like judgement because you’re not hearing what you want to hear. Too many people want to be told that it’s ok to do all the damaging and unhealthy things that they want to do to their hair. Or, they’ve already done some damaging and unhealthy things to their hair and they don’t want to be told that it’s unhealthy or wrong. These same people will flip it and say “Well it worked for me…I’ve been doing it for years and my hair is healthy.” What they’re not telling you is how many times they’ve had to big chop and start all over because their hair fell out. Their not telling you how damaged their ends were or that the breakage they experienced was so severe that they had patches all over their head.

Beauticians and locticians may not have all the answers, but what they do have is experience. Those who have many years under their belt have seen and heard it all, especially from the hard headed clients who insist on doing damaging things to their hair and then come back to them to fix the damage. They are irritated, frustrated and tired. They wouldn’t be doing their jobs if they didn’t educate and try to correct bad hair habits. And when vloggers like myself and others make videos or post blogs about unhealthy and damaging hair habits, it’s to help – not judge. We all know that everyone has the right to do whatever it is they want to do to their hair. We just want you to be informed and do things in a safe and healthy way. As members of the natural hair community, it is all of our duty to teach.

Lack of Professionalism Amongst Locticians & Hair Stylists

You all know my pain of running into the wrong hair stylists when I was still getting creamy crack, and running into the wrong locticians once I locked my hair. You throw in a full blown pandemic and it’s just a free for all. I’ve allowed too many people in my head while searching for the “perfect” loctician (there’s no such thing in my city) to care for my locs. I used to come down hard on myself for this – and I really don’t know why because its not my fault. And this ultimately led me to the conclusion that it’s not me, but its those who are licensed professionals that are the problem.

The pandemic brought out a lot of opportunists when it comes to black hair care – especially in the loc community. All of a sudden people are claiming to know how to start locs, do retwists and reties, and care for locs. There’s been price gouging across the board and shotty, criminal work done to unknowing and unsuspecting people’s hair. I’ve heard and read so many horror stories and have shared my horror stories as well. But when you get down to the nitty gritty of being a business owner and being professional, that’s where things really get bad. Why, you may ask?

Those who do hair strictly for the money tend to be the worst offenders of unprofessional behavior, and they are the ones you need to run from. Unfortunately you don’t typically find this out about them until you’ve experienced their services. Those who do hair strictly for the money do not care about the health of your hair, does not have enough hair knowledge and only knows how to style or do certain things. They also don’t care about you or your time. They don’t think twice about inconveniencing you, cancelling on you, double or triple booking you in their appointments that will keep you in their shop all day. They only care about your money. They don’t care if they’ve done shotty work on your hair. Yes, they are running a business, but they run their business as if they are a street hustler. And what do street hustlers care about? Themselves.

I’ve seen this type of behavior in older and younger generation stylists and locticians and it’s sad. Just recently I had a new loctician whom I’ve only been to once, cancel on me an hour before my appointment. This young lady (she’s younger than my oldest child) did not apologize, did not offer any type of alternative accommodations to me since she inconvenienced me, and was not helpful at all when it came to rescheduling. Her nasty and very wrong and unprofessional attitude radiated through her text messages. Not to mention, her reason for the cancelation was total B.S.! I was livid. I was more livid at the unprofessionalism she displayed, the lack of caring or awareness of the position she put me in. What if I needed my hair done for an event? What if I was going out of town? What if that day and time was the only time I had available to get my hair done for months? She didn’t care because it was all about her and what she wanted to do and didn’t want to do.

It took me a while to calm down. I had to chalk this up to her being young and dumb and not being taught or simply not caring about how she should treat others, especially new clients. All I kept thinking was “This chick clearly doesn’t want my money.” She’s not just doing my hair, she’s doing my daughter’s hair as well! That’s over $200 combined, including tip! I don’t get it and I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. If there are certain things you don’t want to do when it comes to your business then don’t offer it! It’s that simple! She knew what I wanted done from my first appointment with her because I told her! She was all like “Oh okay, I can do that for you!” So I book the appointment, and again, she knew weeks in advance what I wanted and she ACCEPTED the appointment, took the down payment through her booking app only to cancel on me an hour before. I could have raised all kinds of hell, and looking back I should have and demanded my deposit back!

What kept me from going off right away was the fact that I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and I was waiting for her to show some accommodation and professionalism to me since she was the one doing the canceling – and she showed none. That’s where my anger came in. I was supposed to get a retwist and color. I was super excited about this, I told a few people that I was getting some color and then to have my appointment canceled was just deflating. But the reason why it was canceled and then to not be offered anything to make up for it – I was blown away. Why do I always come across these kinds of people?

The sad part about all of this is this young lady is good at what she does. She does very neat and pristine work and she’s fast. I was very impressed with her the first time I went to her and felt like she could be the one that I stick with from here on out. Listen…I know people aren’t perfect. I know people mess up – myself included. My husband kept pointing this out to me, telling me that this was just a first time offense on her part. But he has to understand (and remember) that I’ve been burned by a lot of people on my three year loc journey. So yes, I’m very gun shy and sensitive when it comes to stuff like this. Not only that, but I’m a stickler for professionalism and kindness in all areas of life. When you have your own business and you’re licensed, you especially should be going out of your way to be professional because that’s your livelihood! Word of mouth can make or break you!

I very reluctantly rescheduled with her for this coming Saturday. My daughter also has an appointment for the morning and mine isn’t until later in the afternoon. I’m no longer getting color – at least not by her – and am only getting my retwist. I will have to find someone else to do my color because clearly she doesn’t want my money. I’ve also resigned myself to the fact that we live in a very different world today. What I would do, how I treat people, and what I expect is not what I will receive in return. We live in a very selfish, angry, ‘it’s all about me first’ society. Professionalism, common courtesy, manners, and basic social norms when it comes to interacting with human beings are a thing of the past for a lot of people – older and younger generations. This really saddens me.

Normally I would have made a video about my most recent horrible experience, but instead I decided to write about it. I truly believe it’s where I live and the fact that the city I live in is very small and there isn’t a big community of professional locticians. There are many who work out of their homes, and there are those who work out of shops. I’ve had to rely mostly on word of mouth because not everyone advertise their services, especially on social media. I found a group for people to find locticians in my area and again the majority that I see work out of their home. I’m not going to a strangers home to get my hair done while dealing with a pandemic and not knowing their vaccination status. Many will lie and say they are vaccinated when they are not AND won’t wear a mask. I trust no one in these streets. But that’s just me.

Once again I’m contemplating doing my own retwists or having my sister in law do my retwists for me if I can’t find the right person to do my retwist on a regular basis. This is the ugly underbelly of having locs. I want to be pampered. I like being pampered. But the unprofessionalism in the loc community is putting a huge damper on that.

2022

I cannot believe we’re almost a month into the new year! I haven’t blogged much because there has been A LOT going on in my life outside of my locs, mostly good things like starting my cookie business, being at a new job, and planning for the future. But I do feel the need to catch you up on some things hair related because…that’s what I do! So let’s get into it!

New Loctician???

Y’all know how I’ve been back and forth on finding a new loctician versus self maintaining my hair. I would start my search and stop, find someone and be disappointed. The last person I found to establish my daughter’s locs and to hopefully go to for my retie was on a whim and she turned out to be a total FLAKE. She was never on time for her appointments and always had some long drawn out story/excuse for it. I’m talking 35 – 45 minutes late, and even had the nerve to ask to reschedule for later in the day because she was sick and hung over from partying the night before! She’s young, but definitely old enough to know better! If doing hair is your main gig then you need to step your game up and be a professional. She has zero respect for other people’s time but wants everyone to be understanding of her situations. Sweetie, when people are trying to get their hair done they don’t want to hear about your bad planning and forgetfulness. And the sad part in all of this is the girl is GOOD at what she does. She does BEAUTIFUL work! She started my daughter’s locs and did her first retie and did great work both times. She’s extremely talented and knowledgeable but very unprofessional.

About a month or so later, I found my current “loctician” through my cousin who started her loc journey but later combed her locs out. We’ll discuss that in a later post. I found out the young lady’s name and made an appointment for myself because I was in desperate need of a retie at the time. The shop was located deep in the hood, but that didn’t bother me. I’ve been to plenty of shops in the hood in the past and my hair got laid, okay? I was more concerned about how she was as a person, her skill level, etc. This young lady is younger than the previous girl I went to, but that didn’t bother me either. She was very kind, already at the shop and waiting for me unlike the previous loctician, and very gentle in washing my hair and doing my retwist.

Plot twist: I no longer interlock my new growth – I now twist! There’s so much I have to catch y’all up on!

Listen. She was so gentle doing my retwist that I fell asleep during most of it!!! It had been so long, years even, since I’ve had gentle hands in my hair that it felt like heaven on earth! I’m not exaggerating. Ever since I started my loc journey, from the person who started my locs and all the other people who have touched my locs since, they have either tugged, pulled, or done my reties too tight to where my scalp hurt for several days later. When this young lady got done, my scalp felt refreshed, clean and wonderful! My locs were light and bouncy and shiny. I loved it. So here’s why I put question marks behind ‘new loctician:

After I got my hair done, I immediately scheduled an appointment for my daughter for her second retie. Now my daughter has traditional locs and they are clearly new. The young lady studies my daughters hair and looks concerned. I ask her if anything is wrong and she says “No….I’m just concerned about how frizzy her locs are.”

Come again??

This was when I knew she was not quite a loctician by definition at all. Right now she’s someone who knows how to do neat reties and style locs. When it comes to the locking process and the different stages, she needs to learn more. Frizzy locs are most definitely part of the locking process, especially in the beginning stages of locs. Having said all of that, I’m gonna stick beside her.

She’s young and she’s only going to get better and grow as she learns.

She’s already taken steps to move out of her uncle’s shop (which is hideous and in desperate need of a total remodel and makeover) that was located in the hood to a better shop in a better neighborhood. (I hate barber or beauty shops where it’s clear that the money they make goes directly into their pockets instead of into fixing up their shop, getting new chairs, equipment, etc. so the customers can have a wonderful and comfortable experience!) I applaud her for making such a move because she stated that she knows she’s lost clients or potential clients because of where she worked and the atmosphere. Speaking of atmosphere, it was very loud with loud sometimes in appropriate music. It was a busy shop where choice language is used in front of children and women which I found to be highly disrespectful, but I was also so immersed in my scalp being pampered that I tuned out most of it. This young lady wants to elevate her clientele and their experience, and I totally respect that.

If you follow my Youtube channel Its Sonya, you probably know all about the issues I’ve encountered with various locticians since getting locs three years ago. It hasn’t been an easy journey to say the least, but now I’m in a place of acceptance. I’ve finally accepted the fact that I will never find the perfect loctician where I live, and if there is one in my city I’ll never get an appointment with he or she because they are booked well into the next year! Yes, I can do my own hair when forced to, but I’d much rather have someone else do it for me. I’m that kind of person. I want to be pampered. I don’t think this young lady will damage me or my daughter’s hair. I’ve seen her work, and she does beautiful work and she’s gentle. I’m willing to grow with her as she learns.

I guess you can say 2022 has been good to me so far. My locs are still growing and flourishing. What more can you ask? Getting locs is still hands down the second best hair decision I’ve ever made besides going natural. 🙌🏾🙌🏾👍🏾👍🏾

2020 Was CRAZY, But 2021 Will Hopefully Be Better!

Hey y’all! Usually I’m good at staying on top of the closing of one year and the start of another. By now I would have already blogged about the good and the bad of 2020 and what I look forward to in the new year.

It goes without saying that 2020 was CRAZY! I mean major crazeballs. COVID19 – need I say more? But as it relates to my locs and the decisions I’ve had to make regarding the care of my locs, 2020 wasn’t all bad. Hear me out.

In 2020 I Took Charge Of My Hair

You guys, I’ve blogged and vlogged about my displeasure with my sisterlocks consultant who established my sisterlocks. Let’s recap: Not only was she a scammer who practiced bad business, but she was doing a half job on my locs! She was skipping whole sections of my head but still charged me full price for her services. She was constantly trying to find new ways to get more money out of me all while providing bad services. She was habitually late to my appointments constantly, running behind with her appointments 15-20 minutes even though I always show up early. She would have people come in during my appointment so she can provide services to them while I wait. Granted I didn’t find out that she was skipping whole sections of my hair until I started seeing someone else, but I made the right decision to stop letting her janky butt touch my hair.

How did I take charge of my hair? First, I found someone else to do my reties and that’s when I found out that my previous loctician was skipping whole sections of my hair. That news angered me, but it also put pieces of the puzzle together. How can you possibly zip through almost 400 locs during a retie in an hour? All that pulling she did on my hair pretending like she’s doing the 4 point rotations when really she was only doing one or two rotations – if any at all! We’ll talk about the damage she caused to my hair later.

While going to the second loctician I decided to combine my locs so I could have bigger locs. That was something I had wanted to do for a long time, and it turned out beautifully thanks to my sister-in-law. It was some time after this that I found yet another consultant who also did not work out, and from there I decided to do my own reties. So far I’ve done one full retie of my entire head. I made some mistakes along the way but I didn’t stress over it. I was too busy being proud of myself for taking charge over the care of my hair. I felt empowered and accomplished.

My sisterlocks establishment in 2018 vs my combined locs in November of 2020

Using My Platform To Help Others

Throughout this whole process, I decided to use my platform on YouTube to help others. I made videos about my horrible experiences with my first loctician and the following ones as a public service announcement to others to beware. Beware of the red flags, the lies, the scams. It is my goal, my mission to keep others from going down the same road I did, and I considered myself “informed” and had done “extensive research” before getting my locs! It just goes to show you that sometimes none of that matters because when you encounter a scammer, they prey on what you don’t know about sisterlocks. I knew the basics, but there was so much more that I didn’t know.

A plait out on my combined locs, 2020

I think it is so important that women go into their loc journeys as informed as they can be. I go into detail about the things they should look for, the questions they should ask, and more importantly, don’t be afraid to walk away if something doesn’t feel right or seem right. You have a choice, there are other ways to get the look you want for much cheaper than sisterlocks, there are other people you can see to get you started on your loc journey OR…you can take charge of your own hair and start your locs yourself using two strand twists or plaits. So many women who are thinking about locs don’t realize the options they have and that’s why I vlog about it on YouTube.

Starting Conversations About the Ugly Underbelly of Sisterlocks & The Loc Community

By me speaking on my bad experiences with sisterlocks, much needed and long overdue conversations has begun on my YouTube page and elsewhere. For some reason, it was taboo to speak against sisterlocks because many believe Dr. Cornwell is this fearsome woman who will somehow jump out the shadows of the room and get you. All this woman can do is sue people, but she can’t sue because someone is speaking their truth about their bad experiences under her brand! There are others who feel that we as black women shouldn’t speak bad about another black woman who is a successful business owner. Ummm… come again? Bad business is bad business – I don’t care what color or gender you are!

I thought I had bad experiences with sisterlocks, but once these women started commenting on my videos I realized my experience paled in comparison to theirs! And that’s a shame. That truly breaks my heart that there are so many women out there being taken advantage of and robbed blind. So many are being overly charged for sisterlocks but what they were given weren’t even sisterlocks!

Within the sisterlocks community, there was no safe space to talk about the bad side of the company. Most sisterlocks Facebook pages were pro-sisterlocks. If you questioned anything or complained you would get jumped on verbally and told to go elsewhere with the “negative talk or negativity”. These people want to ignore the problems in sisterlocks but today, I am so glad that so many are speaking out and sharing their experiences on YouTube and other places. There is wonderful advice given, support, and knowledge being shared.

Hoping For A Better 2021

I feel even more determined to continue to be a resource and a safe space for women to talk about their experiences (good or bad), to provide comfort and guidance and help them get back on the right track with their loc journey. No one should feel silenced, no one should feel stuck or feel that they have to continue to take the bad service they are receiving.

More importantly, in 2021 I hope to hear less horror stories. I hope these horrible locticians, sisterlocks or otherwise, are called out and put on blast as a protection to others. And I hope the great, wonderful, caring, ethical locticians are shouted out, praised, and given all the accolades for caring about what they do and the women and men they service.

May all of our hair grow abundantly, flourish, and be healthy in 2021 and going forward.