Educating Does Not Equal Judging

Since I’ve started vlogging on Youtube, I’ve noticed in some of the comments on my videos that a lot of people feel like I’m judging other people’s hair or haircare choices. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My goal has always been to educate black women about their natural hair and the healthiest ways to care for their hair based on my own research and experience. You don’t have to like or agree with what I say, but Google has always been free so feel free to do your own research. As a matter of fact, I strongly encourage doing your own research.

I go out of my way to uplift and be encouraging to all because being natural isn’t easy for everyone. Especially if you’ve never seen or dealt with your natural hair because you’ve gotten relaxers your entire life. Many are intimidated, insecure, and have very low self confidence in themselves when it comes to being natural, so the last thing we need is more negativity. If I can help others avoid common natural hair pitfalls that many newbies encounter, then I’m going to share my knowledge as much as possible.

Being on social media, I follow a lot of natural hair and loc pages on Facebook and Instagram. One of my favorites is locmamas on Instagram. She is a professional loctician of 26 years and is based out of Atlanta, GA and also has a shop in Philly. Last week she posted a video of a young lady’s locs who combed out her ends to have the goddess braids look.

The image below is how goddess braids look on someone who does not have locs.

The image below is the look/current trend called “goddess locs” that those with locs are trying to achieve.

Below is what the young lady did to her hair trying to achieve the goddess locs look. In this photo she’s sitting in a salon chair to have repairs made to her locs.

Ladies, please listen: If your natural hair does not have a loose curl pattern or curl up naturally when water touches it versus drawing up into an afro the minute moisture of any kind touches it, this style WILL NOT work for you. And if you can somehow get your ends to curl up, I know for a fact it’s going to take a lot of products and time to make that happen. But the bigger question is WHY? Why take down the ends of your locs for a look or style that you are bound to get bored with until the next trend comes along? This is the part of the game that I will never understand and it’s a conversation that needs to be had.

Unfortunately, the world is full of trend and fad followers thanks to social media. (i.e. videos of naturals getting relaxers or Jheri Curls, naturals relaxing their edges, videos of naturals and those with locs dying their hair different colors every other week, people combing out or cutting off their locs – and all mostly done for social media views and clicks.) What is equally unfortunate is that there are a lot of black women (young and old) who refuse to educate themselves about their natural hair. The end result of these trends are damaged hair, regret, tears and the need for someone to correct their mistakes.

When professional locticians and beauticians express their frustration with these trends, (which ultimately result in their phones blowing by people wanting them to fix the damage they’ve done to their hair) they’re accused of being judgmental. Please make it make sense.

“Why do you care what people do their hair?”

“Let people live!”

“You need to stop judging people’s personal choices!”

“It’s their hair, not yours!”

Really?

You’re right. It is their hair and their decision to make. But when you follow fads despite being advised against doing certain things to your hair and you do it anyway… only to find out that the advice you were given was correct… and now you’re asking that same person to FIX the damage you’ve caused, don’t you think it’s only natural for that beautician or loctician to feel a certain way? We brag on how versatile our kinky, coily hair is, how easy it is for African American women to change up their style at any given moment. Yes we can wear our hair natural, we can straighten it, we can crimp it, have finger waves, get braids, weaves, and wigs in every style imaginable. But we have to do better at doing these things in a safe and healthy way! It disturbs and saddens me to see so many women creating harmful content for clicks and their followers following their lead because it’s the latest trend on social media. It’s sending out the wrong message and it’s hurting the natural hair community.

We must get out of this idea that giving correct hair advice is equal or equivalent to judging. It is not! It only feels or sounds like judgement because you’re not hearing what you want to hear. Too many people want to be told that it’s ok to do all the damaging and unhealthy things that they want to do to their hair. Or, they’ve already done some damaging and unhealthy things to their hair and they don’t want to be told that it’s unhealthy or wrong. These same people will flip it and say “Well it worked for me…I’ve been doing it for years and my hair is healthy.” What they’re not telling you is how many times they’ve had to big chop and start all over because their hair fell out. Their not telling you how damaged their ends were or that the breakage they experienced was so severe that they had patches all over their head.

Beauticians and locticians may not have all the answers, but what they do have is experience. Those who have many years under their belt have seen and heard it all, especially from the hard headed clients who insist on doing damaging things to their hair and then come back to them to fix the damage. They are irritated, frustrated and tired. They wouldn’t be doing their jobs if they didn’t educate and try to correct bad hair habits. And when vloggers like myself and others make videos or post blogs about unhealthy and damaging hair habits, it’s to help – not judge. We all know that everyone has the right to do whatever it is they want to do to their hair. We just want you to be informed and do things in a safe and healthy way. As members of the natural hair community, it is all of our duty to teach.

Should I Continue to Vlog?

I’m getting discouraged you guys. A few years back I said I’d never vlog. Then I decided to give it a try, and I started Its Sonya on YouTube. Guess what? I like it! Vlogging is basically putting words you’d usually have for your blog into a video. Hence the term vlog. I’ve always said that I express myself better in writing than in words, and I still feel that is true of me. There is an art that comes with being able to express yourself verbally and I don’t feel you’re ever too old to try to improve that technique.

Why I’m Discouraged

The whole purpose of this blog and my vlog on YouTube is to help people, black women and girls in particular, to navigate going natural and embrace their natural hair. I want to inspire and encourage people, and the main way you can do this is to speak honestly from your own experiences. To me, one of the most important things you must do is be yourself. I’ve watched thousands of YouTube videos and the personalities are all across the board. There are those who are bubbly and have a lot of energy, there are those who have a lot of personality and are over the top. And there are those who are laid back or, dare I say it – boring. People want to see personality, they want to be entertained. I get that. But that’s not my lane. My lane is to help, educate, inform, encourage, and be a source or information all while keeping things lighthearted. My content mostly contains a lot of helpful information.

Being myself, which is oftentimes laid back and chill, may be hurting me and I get that. Maybe I could or should put some more energy into my videos. I probably put people to sleep because I’m too laid back, LOL! But at the end of the day, when I’m speaking on a specific topic, I hope that’s what they are tuning in for – the information and not a show because I’m not there to put on show.

Declining Subscribers

My numbers have declined, and I have a few theories on that. For one, I no longer have sisterlocks. I’ve combined my locs and now I have what would be deemed microlocs or just plain locs. They aren’t traditional locs yet because they are still too small to be traditional locs. I knew I’d lose subscribers based on that because my journey no longer fits those who followed me because of having sisterlocks.

Second, as I go through my loc journey I continue to discover things about my hair, about how I care for my hair or how others I pay care for my hair. There’s so many unwritten rules about loc care like you should use conditioner on your locs or you shouldn’t because it causes build up, and other things you should or shouldn’t use on your locs. I’ve come to realize that no matter what you put on your hair you are going to experience build up. Also, I’ve come to realize that not everyone is going to agree with your opinions or decisions, and that’s fine. So if someone stops following me because I said something they don’t agree with, that’s perfectly fine by me. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

Third, I always preach natural remedies first before anything else. I’ve been making my own aloe vera moisturizing spritz/conditioner and using that on my locs. However, since coloring my locs I’ve realized that I needed more than aloe to moisturize and condition my locs. That’s why I used the conditioner I already had in my house and watered it down and then used it on my locs. (This was before I found and purchased Keracare conditioner that is specifically made for color treated hair.) There may be those who feel I’ve been hypocritical when I change my thinking or outlook on things and stop following me based on that. But isn’t that what happens when you learn and grow? You change. Never have I said that no products are good or should be used. There are some good products out there that is worth your coins, but for me, I try to use natural remedies as much as possible. Especially since I have locs now.

My point is not everyone is going to like what you have to say or understand when you’ve had a change of heart about something.

Do I Need To Do More How To Videos?

I’ve never been one to show people how to do things in my videos. I’ve tried a few times but it’s never been something I felt comfortable doing. For one I need better equipment – camera, lighting, tripod, etc. (If that sounded like an excuse it’s because it is an excuse, lol!) A lot of people want or need to see how to make something or do something. They are visual learners and I get that. The most I’ll do in my videos is show you the products I’ve purchased and will use and then I will tell you how to make it or I’ll direct you to where you can go to learn how to make something.

Lately I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone – even though I still don’t have the proper equipment – and I’ve done a few videos on how to make your own hair growth oils. I don’t have exact measurements, but I show you how I make mine. To be honest I really enjoyed doing that because its something that I’m passionate about. I love DIY projects, especially when it comes to making healthy, organic things that can be used on your hair and on your skin. I may do more of these simple videos in the future. That’s another thing – I keep my how to videos as simple as possible because I like simple DIY videos myself.

I’m Not Going to Quit

I’m not going to quit because I realize that my videos may help someone someday. It may not be today, tomorrow, next week or next year. YouTube videos are there forever until you take them down yourself if you were the creator. I’m just in my feelings right now, licking my wounds, lol! I also know that there are things that one must do to get more subscribers or to make your videos stand out more.

For instance:

*Hair and makeup looking good at all times. This is a problem for me because I’m not one who styles my locs or fuss with my locs. 99% of the time I wear my locs down. I don’t do twist outs or braid outs for curly or wavy locs. They hang the way they hang. I don’t like styling my locs because I don’t want unnecessary tension on them. As far as makeup goes – it’s summer time right now. Actually, even during the winter months you won’t see me with the “beat face” because you just won’t. If the mood hits me to put on makeup I will. If not, you need to get into my natural vibes, LOL!

*Having various beautiful location shots or backgrounds. My favorite place to shoot my videos is my kitchen. You may not realize it because for most of my videos done at home I’m sitting in front of a white wall. Just recently I started sitting in a new location…in front of my fridge, LMBO!!! I’m just lazy y’all. My kitchen is where I get the best light, the most privacy, and it’s just a much easier set up.

*Dressing up. I’ll admit that this is an area I could improve in. When I was working outside of the home before COVID hit, this was an easy thing to do because I had to dress up for work. I would simply keep on my work clothes and my makeup and make my videos. But on the weekends…that’s when I go back to bare face and t-shirts! Again, I know I can improve in this area and I will.

Honestly, I will try to improve in some of the areas. I love makeup, so I’ll try to wear it whenever I decide to film. One thing I will not change is being myself. I can’t put on this character that isn’t me just for followers and likes. I need to learn how to market my channel and my content better. I also need to look at the videos I’ve done that got a lot of response (views and likes) and do more videos like those. I basically made a post complaining about something I can change but am too lazy to do some of the things that I can change. Yup, that about sums up this blog post!

Back To Braiding & Banding + Check Out My YouTube Channel!

Around mid-December my loctician gave me the okay to wash my locs without braiding and banding. So far I’ve washed my hair twice and I’ve noticed some bunching in the back of my head. At first I thought this was just the natural locking process with my locs swelling and shrinking up. By the second wash, I saw that this was not natural at all. It was bunching. And it’s ugly.

What is bunching?

Upon further research, I’ve learned that bunching is caused by uncorrected slippage and excess water on hair that isn’t fully locked. Excess water can include washing your locs too often, sweating in your head, or not braiding and banding when your locs aren’t ready. One YouTuber made a great point: Slippage and bunching isn’t your (the customer’s fault) when it’s the loctician’s responsibility to keep an eye on those things, correct the slippage when they see it, and advise you on what to do to combat it. If you’ve done all that the loctician told you to do and you still have these problems, it is not your fault.

This makes me wonder how much time my loctician is using to correct my problem locs versus rushing to get through my retie. There have been times where I was pressed for time or she was pressed for time, and she was rushing to get my retie done. I’m going to have to talk to her before my next retie appointment and let her know that we need to concentrate on maintenance instead of rushing to get my retie done.

More revelations

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Another revelation I’ve had is that I wonder if my loc size was too big hence my hair growing outside of the grid? To be fair, my loctician noticed that my hair grew outside of my grid when she put in my tester locs during my consultation and I came back for my install a month later. I don’t know. I’m thinking out loud and trying to look at all possibilities. To be completely honest, I’m really frustrated at the loose hair that I feel at my roots (the new growth) and I think it’s something I’m going to have to deal with going forward because that’s just how my hair grows. But I also can’t help thinking “what if”…

Fixing the problem

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The only solution I’ve come up with on how to fix this problem with bunching is to go back to braiding and banding. As much as I LOVED washing my locs freely, I do not like the look of bunching. Bunching is UGLY and it stands out. I will not ruin my locs just so I don’t have to braid and band.

I’ve also reached out to my fellow locked queens and I’ve received some wonderful advice and offers of help to fix my bunching. I’ve also had friends offer to teach me how to do my own reties. I’m definitely interested in learning how to do my own reties despite my laziness. 😉 I can’t help thinking that we don’t know what will happen today or tomorrow and what our employment or financial situation will be. If the time comes where I can no longer afford paying for my reties, I need to know how to do them myself. My friends advice keeps echoing in my head “Learn how to do your own reties, Sonya. Save your money, and it’ll help you if you’re ever in a bind and can’t afford to pay for them.” She’s so right!

Youtube

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I’ve been making videos and posting them to YouTube pretty regularly regarding my sisterlocks journey and all the issues and questions I’ve had along the way. If you want to stay up to date on what’s been going on with me and my sisterlocks, please check out my channel. (<— Click that hyper link) I guess you can say I’ve come to like vlogging after all! 😉 I’ve found that when I have thoughts running through my head, it’s been helpful to just make a video and talk it out and share it with the world. The comments I receive and the advice has been awesome, and it’s helped me put things into perspective. So that’s the game plan, folks! Chime in and let me know how you deal with bunching and if it’s ever been an issue for you. 🙂

Sisterlocks: One Month Into My Loc Journey

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Hey, y’all!

I must admit, I’ve been having fun making quick YouTube videos documenting my sisterlocks journey for the first month. I shared the good, the bad, and the funny! My videos aren’t edited with cool graphics or music. It’s just me talking. Sometimes I have high energy, but most times I’m just chill (and that’s mostly because I make my videos in the evening after working 8 hours!). I’m just being me.

Rebel no more

In the beginning I had the rebel attitude of “Do you boo! Do what works best for you and your locs and/or scalp!” With time comes wisdom, and I’ve come to learn that for best results, it’s best to follow the sisterlocks way until you are at least six months in, but preferably when you are fully locked. Getting to the fully locked stage can take a year or more, and I’m finding that those who stray from doing things the sisterlocks way are the ones whose locs take longer to fully loc. What I mean by the sisterlocks way is braiding and banding when washing your locs, not using oils or any type of product in your hair until you are at least six months or a year into your journey. And if you must use oils because of dry scalp issues, you should do so sparingly.

With my last wash, I experienced more slippage, and I know for a fact it’s because of me washing my hair in the shower. The water pressure is too intense for my locs, so the next time I wash my hair (which will before my next retie at the end of this month), it will not be in the shower.

Live and learn

Basically what I’ve come to learn is the same as what I had to come to learn during my loose natural hair days – you live and learn through your own journey. Yes, it’s nice to hear tips and tricks from other loc’d sisters, but you truly won’t know what your experience will be like until you’re going through it. It’s easy to say what you will and will not do when you haven’t gone through something yet, and I’ve made this mistake many times and have had to come back and correct myself and admit my error in judgment. It happens, but experience is the best teacher.

What’s next

I’m going to slow down with making YouTube videos and wait until I start seeing more growth and maturity with my locs. My next retie should give me some indication into my growth, and I’m kind of excited about it! Enjoy your journey. Embrace it. Try to stay positive, and when you don’t feel pretty, do something to change that feeling. Put on some makeup, wear a bold lipstick, wear your locs in a different style. Wrap them up in a pretty scarf, put on a jazzy hat. Whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself, do it. There will be better days.

One month in, a lifetime to go.

xoxo

Fake 4c Naturals? Let’s Talk About It!

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Issa thing, y’all.

First, this blog post was inspired by YouTube vlogger KandidKinks video that spoke on this very subject.  Click on the link to watch.

Do you really have 4c hair, sis?

To be completely honest, when I started my natural hair journey and began doing my research, I saw a lot of natural hair bloggers or vloggers who claimed to have 4c hair OR type 4 hair that had me like “Hmmm…are you sure, sis? Your hair looks NOTHING like mine!” But I rolled with it because I was still learning (shoulder shrug). Fast forward a couple of years and I still never really spoke on it, but the skepticism was still in the dark recesses of my mind. When I started my natural hair journey I had the mindset of ‘let’s support one another and be encouraging because we’re all in this natural hair thing together.’ I didn’t want to leave room for any negativity. I was adorably naive. I say that because even though that was and still is my mindset, I quickly found out that is not the case within the natural hair community. There is a huge divide among us, and I hate it. But that’s a story for another day. And I’ve blogged about it many times.

However…

It was a total fluke that I stumbled upon KandidKinks video. I was doing my usual YouTube perusing one night, and the title of her video “Stop lying to 4c women for views..A vegan Mukbang rant” got my immediate attention. So let’s get into it.

The elephant in the room

As I stated earlier, I’ve had my suspicions for a long time, but I just rolled with it.  Now it’s time to acknowledge the elephant in the room. There are bloggers and vloggers (I’m not going to call any names) who have made coins off of claiming to have 4c hair when they clearly do not. In turn, these so-called natural hair experts have less informed women (and men) who are seeking guidance and help, thinking they can get the same curly, loose definition as a 3a, 3b, or even a 4a natural by using certain products or methods. Not only is this all kinds of wrong, but it is extremely misleading and doing the natural hair community, especially those with 4c hair, a huge disservice.

I’ve been preaching since the day I started this natural hair blog: LEARN TO ACCEPT YOUR HAIR FOR WHAT IT IS AND FOR WHAT IT CAN AND CANNOT DO! How can anyone accept their natural hair when there are wolves in sheep’s clothing conning them with snake oil? There is no magic product or oil that will magically turn your 4c hair into 4a or 3b hair with loose bouncy curls!

educate yourself so you can accept your hair type

In order to accept your natural hair, whatever type you may have, you must educate yourself. Find out your hair type and characteristics. Do research on your hair type. Use Google. Talk to natural hair professionals if you can. Start with your natural haired friends and family if you have any. Talk to them. Ask them about their hair care routines. What products do they use? Find people with hair that looks like yours on YouTube, Pinterest, and follow them. Let them inspire you. The same way you researched and learned about your hair type, you must do the same when it comes to products. Research what hair moisturizers work best for your hair. Research what natural oils work best for your hair type.

Find what works for you and be patient

After doing those things, take all the information you’ve gathered and sift through them. Try some of the suggestions and see what your hair likes and doesn’t like, and tweak it to fit your needs. Because no two heads of hair are alike, Brenda’s hair care routine may not work for you the same as it works for her. Find what works for you and go with that. But know that the further you get in your natural hair journey, you will find that you may have to tweak things for your hair several times, and that is completely normal.

Above all else, be patient. It’s a process, and it’s important that you develop a relationship with your natural hair. Learn to love your hair – the good and the bad that comes with it. Embrace your hair. Once you do that, there won’t be any room left for anyone to con you into believing that you should follow them or waste money on products that won’t work on your hair.

Confession Time!

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So way back when, I made a post stating how I could never be a vlogger and more power to those who do. Welp, since I decided to get sisterlocks, guess what I’ve been doing on YouTube? Vlogging!

I’m new to this, y’all

There’s no bells or whistles with my little video posts y’all. It’s just me and my camera phone in a room with some lamp light. There’s no music or cute intro or graphics. It’s just me talking about: My decision to get sisterlocks, how to prepare my hair for my sisterlocks install, why I went natural, and avoid being a lazy natural. So I have about four videos up!

forgive my hair and non-beat face!

Now let me warn you – my hair is looking jacked in some of them, LOL! I was having bad hair days and did not have the energy to try to “fix it” to make it look perfect for the camera. My face isn’t beat. It’s just me as is with half on half off lipstick, lol! Yes, I know it’s not cute, but I wanted to be as authentic as possible. Authentic as in I made a lot of these videos after working an 8 hour day, after cooking dinner, and finally having some time to myself despite being tired. And it’s been surprisingly fun because it’s coming from a place of me wanting to helping others. If I can help someone else with my experiences, then I’m happy.

Check me out

I know there are those who make a living off of vlogging, and I commend them. If I had the energy to do so, I would too! Or if I get better at this vlogging thing (editing, graphics, etc), perhaps I’ll take it more seriously. But in the mean time, when I feel like I have something to offer, I’ll pick up my phone and talk about something. If you’re bored or have the least bit of interest in what I have to talk about, you click the this link for Its Sonya and enjoy!

Vlogging – It’s Not For Me

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Vlogging always seemed like it would be fun. Maybe it’s because so many YouTubers who are experienced vloggers make it look fun. They enjoy doing it and they’re good at it. “I can do that” I’d think to myself. “It looks fun and easy” I’d foolishly tell myself. Then one day I tried it, and I tried it several times talking about various topics, and by topics I mean natural hair topics.

Here’s where I messed up: I attempted to vlog late in the evening while tired and sleepy. When I would watch the finished video, I looked like I was minutes away from falling asleep. That’s not a good look. I also talked slow, which I’m sure will irritate those who are impatient and want you to get to the point. My eyes were so heavy that if you looked at me long enough you’d become sleepy too!  What I talked about was interesting (to me at least), but I had no energy. NONE. I work full time, I come home and cook, help kids with homework, putz around the house and take care of whatever else needs to be taken care of. Depending on what day it is, I’ll sit down long enough to watch my favorite TV show (if I can keep my eyes open long enough), and then off to bed I go.

In order for vlogging to work for me, I’d have to do it on the weekends and I would have to commit to it. Is it doable? Sure it is. Will I stick to it? Probably not. I’d be one of those vloggers who post a new video once every other month, if even that. So yeah, I’m going to stick to blogging. I’ve always been one who expresses herself better in writing than speaking. I can get my thoughts out faster by typing them out. I’ve always been wired this way.

To those who vlog, keep up the good work! You’ve found your niche, you’ve developed a following so keep it up. As for little ole’ me, I’m going to stay in my lane of writing. It’s much, much easier for me. And if I’m tired and sleepy while blogging, you’d never know it. 😉