Black Women Will Always Have Hair Options, BUT…

Yes, there’s a “But” because our relationship with our hair as black women go back centuries. Black women’s relationship with their hair is layered and complicated. That’s why I feel we can only start where all of this began – slavery. When we were forcibly captured and put on boats and brought to another country to be enslaved animals, that’s where our issues with our hair (among many other things) began. In an attempt to control, demean, and break us, everything about our rich cultural history in Africa and our identity was attempted to be stripped from us. But one thing that stuck with us is how we viewed our hair. Our view of our hair became skewed. We believed the lies about our hair, and the pride we once had in our beautiful kinky hair turned into shame.

White slave owners shaved our heads, called our kinks and coils ugly, wooly, untamable, unkempt. When we braided it, they didn’t like it and made us cover our heads. They even went as far to create laws just for black women and their hair that made it a crime if they did not cover their hair in public. When we wrapped our heads in elaborate head wraps, in line with our African heritage, they tried to stop that too. It’s no wonder that black women’s hair trauma runs deep. It’s so deep that we’ve taught future generations of black girls and women that our natural hair is ugly and unpresentable unless we straighten it to fit in with European standards. How sad.

In this need to be accepted and to be treated like we’re worthy, we invented straightening combs and conk, which was the foundation for the modern day hair relaxer to straighten our hair. We did everything in our power NOT to show our natural hair. Then there’s wigs and weaves. And yes, all cultures wear them, but we’re talking about black women here. The wigs we buy are usually bone straight and in all shapes and lengths. Still sticking to the European look. Many become so addicted to their wigs that they won’t leave the house without one on. We’ve all seen our grandmothers, mothers, aunts, cousins and sisters grab that wig before they leave the house and slap it on like a hat! It became that routine to them.

As black women, we pride ourselves on having all kinds of hair options when it comes to styling our hair. But the conversation no one wants to have is how addictive those options are, how reliant we’ve become on them instead of embracing our natural selves. Yes, some women HAVE to wear wigs due to health reasons, alopecia, cancer treatments, and other things. Those are the exceptions. But for the rest of us, what are we so afraid of? Why can’t we get out of that slave mentality that our natural hair is ugly and too difficult to maintain? Why do we think it’s okay to be lazy when it comes to our hair and put wigs on like hats every single day?

Yes I know jobs, children, home life, convenience, lack of time all comes into play, but those can also be excuses. We all pick and choose what we’re willing to make time for, and caring for our natural hair is one of them. Yes it takes time and effort, but so does going to the shop to get your hair braided or get a lace front installed. Many of us are not willing to put that same time into our own hair.

Another issue that’s not talked about enough are the harmful effects of wearing wigs and weaves too often. Traction alopecia. Permanent hair loss and follicle damage. No edges and bald spots. Instead of addressing the problem and helping our natural hair get healthier, we cover it up. We hide the problem instead of addressing it. It becomes a vicious cycle until women are literally bald headed because they are too afraid (and don’t know how) to stop wearing the wigs and weaves and help their natural hair grow back. This is what I meant when I said that black women’s relationship with their hair is layered and complicated.

Black women get angry at how our bodies, dress and grooming are constantly criticized and policed by society, and rightfully so. But why does embracing our natural beauty anger so many of us as well? Fear. Fear of the unknown. It’s been so ingrained in us that our natural hair is ugly that we’re afraid to show it. We’re afraid to leave the house showing our natural hair. When we’re afraid, oftentimes we lash out and become angry because we don’t want to leave our comfort zone of wigs, weaves and braids and face our natural selves. We’re too afraid to start a relationship with our natural selves. This can cause extreme anxiety for a lot of black women, and that’s deep.

We can’t forget about black men and how they influence how we view ourselves as well. Black men have also been taught that our natural hair is ugly, nappy, unruly and only looks good when it’s straight. And once upon a time, black men were using conk and relaxers in their hair just as much as women. Black men have become used to or conditioned to seeing black women in wigs and weaves to the point where some black men don’t consider black women with natural hair attractive. And it’s funny because many say they prefer their women to have natural hair, but who they date and marry wear wigs and weaves. Women wear wigs and weaves to look good to men. They are trying to appeal to what men are attracted to. So if we’re going to help black women love and accept their natural selves, we need more black men loving and accepting black women when they wear their natural hair. Stop saying hurtful things like “She’d look better if she put some weave in her head” or “Why is her hair so nappy? You need a relaxer in your head!”

I know some will read this and think that I’m being mean or too harsh on black women. Please believe me when I say that this is not coming from a place of meanness. In reality, it’s coming from a place of love and passion and my desire to help black women, black people, to love and embrace their natural hair. In order to embrace our natural selves we must start with our hair. We have to talk about the hard subjects that I’ve mentioned here. We have to be honest about the things that keep us from being our authentic selves and why we hide so much under wigs, weaves and braids to the point that we’re permanently damaging our scalp and hair. Until we get to the root of our problems, we will stay in this unhealthy cycle.

I want to acknowledge that not everyone who wears wigs, weaves and braids are bald headed or don’t have healthy hair. Many women who wear wigs and weaves have very long and healthy hair and that’s their way (protective styling) of keeping their natural hair long and healthy – by tucking it away.) I also want to acknowledge that there are stylists and beauticians out there who do an excellent job braiding hair and installing weaves. There are those out there who do care about your edges and who educate their clients on the healthy way to wear them. But y’all…there are even more out there who don’t care. There are so many out there who only care about getting your money. They braid too tight, install the weaves too tight and take out all of your edges. They don’t care that your hairline is going further and further back until it’s at the middle of your head. You are nothing but steady income to them.

And I’m going to say something that some may find offensive, but it’s the honest truth:

A lot of African hair braiding shops offer lace front services too. I’ve sat in these shops for years and watched how tightly they install them. I’ve watched and experienced how tightly they braid your hair when installing braids or cornrows. I’ve seen women cuss them out for braiding so tight or get up and leave the shop because the hair braiders refuse to stop braiding so tightly. It has to be a cultural thing because the African women feel it’s not neat or pretty unless it’s super tight. Also, they feel the style will last longer when it’s tight. But they don’t understand the damage that’s being done when they use such harmful habits.

Many of these African women are bald headed themselves. They either are wearing wigs or have weave in their hair, or it’s covered with scarves. I’ve never seen one of them with their natural hair out. But I have seen them without their wigs and it was horrible. No edges. Bald patches everywhere. But they look at you like you’re crazy when you tell them to stop braiding so tight. They don’t get it. They don’t understand that what they are doing is so damaging to our hair and their own. And for those who aren’t African, there are many out there who equally braid too tight and install lace fronts with all kinds of damaging glue and install sew ins too tight. And yet these same women keep going to them again and again, having further damage done to their follicles and edges.

We need therapy.

There needs to be support groups for black men and women that helps us unpack our issues with our hair so we can let go of the negative feelings and replace them with positive ones. There needs to be support groups and therapy that helps us to move forward in our hair journey and accept our natural beauty. We need to get to the root of what has us afraid to embrace our natural hair and realize how this affects our relationships with our families, significant others, children, friends and our jobs. Whether if it’s childhood trauma of being bullied at school or at home, or hearing negative comments from our parents or grandparents, trauma from microaggressions at work – we need to talk about it all.

I think it’s time I write a book, y’all.

The Black Beauty Effect Docuseries on Netflix – My Review *EDITED*

It was just last week when I saw the promo for this docuseries on Instagram. The 10 second clip had me immediately intrigued, especially when they touched on natural hair. Since I had taken Friday off from work, I knew what was on my to-do list for the weekend.

I actually started to watch the docuseries Thursday evening and continued to watch until I finished it on Saturday. The three part series focused on the following areas in black beauty and how black women and men contributed to the beauty industry:

1. The Beat Effect (Makeup)
2. The Skin Effect
3. The Crown Effect (Hair)

What I liked about this series was the different women they used to speak. They came from all ages and backgrounds – black scholars, trailblazers and current trendsetters and entrepreneurs. They were powerful women in their own rights. Not only did they speak to their own experiences, they gave much needed history lessons regarding how we revolutionized makeup, skin care, and hair. Some of the people I already knew about, but there were a few that I wasn’t familiar with. I plan on researching the ones I didn’t know about later on.

When I got to the last part of the docuseries, I paid closer attention because now they were talking about natural hair. While I loved what they had to say and the history lessons that were given, I felt it was lacking. Yes, I know this docuseries was primarily about the contributions of black men and women to the beauty industry and was meant to give them kudos. So of course they had limited time and planned on talking about specific things. In hindsight, maybe this wasn’t the documentary to dive deep into the issues within the natural hair community, specifically the natural hair movement. However, I think a small portion could have been dedicated to that topic. At the end of the day, a discussion needs to be had about the state of the natural hair movement as it stands today.

A lot of people, including some who participated in the docuseries, have made millions if not billions of dollars off the the natural hair movement. You have those who started making products in their kitchens and then blew up over night and eventually sold their brand to Proctor & Gamble or other major corporations. What these brands and big corporations do is create product junkies. They see the amount of money black women spend on products for their hair, so they continuously pump out “new” products for them to buy. Black women buy them because of the results that these products promise to provide when most times they don’t. Products became the new creamy crack, and that’s why the natural hair movement was more beneficial to corporations than black women.

Greed and capitalism took over while the rest of us were left holding our party favors and drinks wondering why the party ended. Where’s the fun? Who turned off the music? The party is over. It ended years ago when the focus turned to products and money instead of actually helping black women care for their natural hair. The hosts of the party shut it down once they got what they wanted and were able to stuff their pockets full of money. Their parting advice before they sped off in their luxury cars was “Make sure you buy my ENTIRE product line that’s now available in Walmart, Target, and Walgreens!”

I don’t begrudge anyone making money. If you put out a quality product that actually does what it says it will do for black women’s hair, I’m all for it. What I’m against and absolutely hate are the bandwagon jumpers who put out crap knowing it’s not going to work for the average natural haired black woman. And there are A LOT of companies out there who push garbage on the black female consumer. This is the part of the natural hair movement that I hate and detest. And I hate that black women have fallen for the BIGGEST LIE: that they need five or more different products in order for their hair to “act right”. All this does is turn black women into product junkies while feeding greedy corporations pockets.

At the end of the day, we’re in a never-ending cycle of dysfunction. I honestly feel like I’m on an island by myself when it comes to this topic. I feel let down by the natural hair community and I feel we’ve dropped the ball when it comes to educating black women. There are some black women out there who are doing the work and doing their best to educate. But I can’t just blame the natural hair community as a whole.

Black women need to hold themselves accountable too.

We can’t continue the cycle of “This is all I know” or “This is how my mama and grandma took care of my hair”. In the age of technology – Google and YouTube in particular – there really is no acceptable excuse. In 2023, we know relaxers are not good for us. They are a detriment to our health and life. When we see our edges going bald and the baldness spreading from over use of wigs and weaves, we know it’s from wearing those wigs and weaves and braids too often. But we do it anyway. And THAT is the problem. Instead of getting our natural hair healthy, allowing our scalps to breathe, and loving our natural selves, we’ve become addicted to the easy cover up. We hide. Instead of correcting and fixing problems, we continue in the same harmful cycle.

Maybe the task or idea of bringing the natural hair community and movement to a healthier, helpful space is too big. It’s too far-reaching. Me and my grand ideas are expecting miracles instead of being realistic. I guess all I can do is do my little part with my blog and my YouTube channel and just keep making content with the intent of educating and helping. This is so frustrating to me, though. I see the beauty in us, our hair, our culture. But I also see a lot of black women and men who are still brainwashed and live by Eurocentric beauty standards. Our beauty and it’s power has been lost and it’s a shame. We’ve become comfortable not being ourselves and going out of our way to look like someone else. That’s sad.

Yes, black people have contributed greatly to beauty standards. We’ve revolutionized everything from makeup, skincare and hair care. We are an innovative people. We are the standard. But we also need to remind ourselves that our natural beauty is the standard. Our natural beauty is beautiful. It’s what has so many cosmetic doctors rich because so many non black women want bigger lips, hips, legs and butts. All the things the majority of us have naturally. Why can’t we love ourselves and stop judging one another with trivial things like how light our skin is, how long our hair is or thinking a certain texture is better than a kinkier texture? We are using old disgusting standards like the brown paper bag test, but have flipped it to use hair texture and skin color to measure one’s beauty and worth. It’s sick and it’s sad. Until we get past such negative, trivial and divisive behaviors, we will stay stuck. There will never be unity.

In the end, The Black Beauty Effect was quite enjoyable and relatable. I learned new things, it made me feel more pride in how innovative we are with the things we had to overcome because we were refused opportunities and treated as less than. Our needs were never considered when it came to skincare, haircare or makeup. We had to fend for ourselves or make do with what we had and what was available. We are resilient, smart, and innovative because not only did we come up with hair, skin and makeup that suited our needs, we blew up the industries. If there’s one thing we will do, we will figure things out! I love that about us! There are so many layers to black people and our stories and journey. I don’t know if the natural hair movement is even still a thing let alone something that can be fixed or resurrected. I think I’m the one holding out hope for a revival, a rebirth of unity and I’m just fooling myself. I can keep wishing and hoping, though.

I hope one day someone will stumble upon my blog and read my words and see the need for a change or a pivot in the natural hair community.

*EDITED REVIEW*

I decided to watch this docuseries one more time and really listen to everything that was stated from start to finish. I wanted to soak in everything to make sure I wasn’t missing or overlooking anything. When I did this, I quickly realized that I wasn’t paying attention to a lot of key things that were discussed.

First, when it came to the creator of Carol’s Daughter, Lisa Price, discussing why she sold her business to Loreal – I was completely wrong. I have said on numerous occasions that she sold to Proctor & Gamble. That is false. I called her a sell out and was extremely disappointed in her selling while not understanding the business side of it all. I think most of us in the black community, those of us who supported and bought her products for years and even before she blew up, felt let down and disappointed. But when Lisa Price explained why she sold the business to Loreal it made total business sense. Once your business has done well and sold a lot of products and made a lot of money it can become stagnant. You have to find a way to continue to make money for yourself and your investors. Selling your business while it’s hot is what makes the most sense, and that’s what she did.

I apologize for my lack of understanding and ignorance. You could tell that being called a sell out – especially when all you’ve tried to do is HELP the black community – hurt Lisa Price. I think at the time the public was so hurt and in their feelings that they weren’t trying to hear WHY she sold her business, myself included. But hearing her explain the business side and why she did what she did and how she was able to create more businesses and more jobs for people of color, I applaud her for being able to do that. The moral of the story is sometimes you have to sell to continue to grow when it comes to business.

I also came to realize that I need to do better when it comes to my personal skin care. I’m 50 years old and there are a lot of things that I’m not doing that I should, such as wearing sunscreen EVERY DAY. Black people as a whole need to do a better job at wearing sunscreen. Black DOES crack! We DO and CAN get skin cancer and sunburn. I have dry skin so I need butters and creams for my skin, and I need to apply them at night. And I need to take my eye makeup off every night before going to bed. I have to stop being so lazy with that!

In conclusion, please watch this docuseries on Netflix! It’s worth the watch and you will enjoy it immensely!

Educating Does Not Equal Judging

Since I’ve started vlogging on Youtube, I’ve noticed in some of the comments on my videos that a lot of people feel like I’m judging other people’s hair or haircare choices. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My goal has always been to educate black women about their natural hair and the healthiest ways to care for their hair based on my own research and experience. You don’t have to like or agree with what I say, but Google has always been free so feel free to do your own research. As a matter of fact, I strongly encourage doing your own research.

I go out of my way to uplift and be encouraging to all because being natural isn’t easy for everyone. Especially if you’ve never seen or dealt with your natural hair because you’ve gotten relaxers your entire life. Many are intimidated, insecure, and have very low self confidence in themselves when it comes to being natural, so the last thing we need is more negativity. If I can help others avoid common natural hair pitfalls that many newbies encounter, then I’m going to share my knowledge as much as possible.

Being on social media, I follow a lot of natural hair and loc pages on Facebook and Instagram. One of my favorites is locmamas on Instagram. She is a professional loctician of 26 years and is based out of Atlanta, GA and also has a shop in Philly. Last week she posted a video of a young lady’s locs who combed out her ends to have the goddess braids look.

The image below is how goddess braids look on someone who does not have locs.

The image below is the look/current trend called “goddess locs” that those with locs are trying to achieve.

Below is what the young lady did to her hair trying to achieve the goddess locs look. In this photo she’s sitting in a salon chair to have repairs made to her locs.

Ladies, please listen: If your natural hair does not have a loose curl pattern or curl up naturally when water touches it versus drawing up into an afro the minute moisture of any kind touches it, this style WILL NOT work for you. And if you can somehow get your ends to curl up, I know for a fact it’s going to take a lot of products and time to make that happen. But the bigger question is WHY? Why take down the ends of your locs for a look or style that you are bound to get bored with until the next trend comes along? This is the part of the game that I will never understand and it’s a conversation that needs to be had.

Unfortunately, the world is full of trend and fad followers thanks to social media. (i.e. videos of naturals getting relaxers or Jheri Curls, naturals relaxing their edges, videos of naturals and those with locs dying their hair different colors every other week, people combing out or cutting off their locs – and all mostly done for social media views and clicks.) What is equally unfortunate is that there are a lot of black women (young and old) who refuse to educate themselves about their natural hair. The end result of these trends are damaged hair, regret, tears and the need for someone to correct their mistakes.

When professional locticians and beauticians express their frustration with these trends, (which ultimately result in their phones blowing by people wanting them to fix the damage they’ve done to their hair) they’re accused of being judgmental. Please make it make sense.

“Why do you care what people do their hair?”

“Let people live!”

“You need to stop judging people’s personal choices!”

“It’s their hair, not yours!”

Really?

You’re right. It is their hair and their decision to make. But when you follow fads despite being advised against doing certain things to your hair and you do it anyway… only to find out that the advice you were given was correct… and now you’re asking that same person to FIX the damage you’ve caused, don’t you think it’s only natural for that beautician or loctician to feel a certain way? We brag on how versatile our kinky, coily hair is, how easy it is for African American women to change up their style at any given moment. Yes we can wear our hair natural, we can straighten it, we can crimp it, have finger waves, get braids, weaves, and wigs in every style imaginable. But we have to do better at doing these things in a safe and healthy way! It disturbs and saddens me to see so many women creating harmful content for clicks and their followers following their lead because it’s the latest trend on social media. It’s sending out the wrong message and it’s hurting the natural hair community.

We must get out of this idea that giving correct hair advice is equal or equivalent to judging. It is not! It only feels or sounds like judgement because you’re not hearing what you want to hear. Too many people want to be told that it’s ok to do all the damaging and unhealthy things that they want to do to their hair. Or, they’ve already done some damaging and unhealthy things to their hair and they don’t want to be told that it’s unhealthy or wrong. These same people will flip it and say “Well it worked for me…I’ve been doing it for years and my hair is healthy.” What they’re not telling you is how many times they’ve had to big chop and start all over because their hair fell out. Their not telling you how damaged their ends were or that the breakage they experienced was so severe that they had patches all over their head.

Beauticians and locticians may not have all the answers, but what they do have is experience. Those who have many years under their belt have seen and heard it all, especially from the hard headed clients who insist on doing damaging things to their hair and then come back to them to fix the damage. They are irritated, frustrated and tired. They wouldn’t be doing their jobs if they didn’t educate and try to correct bad hair habits. And when vloggers like myself and others make videos or post blogs about unhealthy and damaging hair habits, it’s to help – not judge. We all know that everyone has the right to do whatever it is they want to do to their hair. We just want you to be informed and do things in a safe and healthy way. As members of the natural hair community, it is all of our duty to teach.

Why Embracing Your Loc Journey In The Beginning is Vital

It warms my heart when I see women and girls choosing to get locs. What always worries me is do they know what they are getting into? Are they aware that this is a journey, that their hair is going to go through a lot of changes for the first two years? There’s so much to learn and know when embarking on the loc journey. There are things that you are going to experience that you’ve never experienced before.

Case in point:

When I first got locs, my scalp itched A LOT. It was dry, I was no longer combing my hair or manipulating it on a daily basis and my scalp had to adjust. Because I had sisterlocks, it wasn’t advised to oil my scalp or do anything for fear of slippage (slippage means your locs unraveling). On top of that, it was strongly suggested to only use the sisterlocks shampoo which was very drying to the hair (purposely to help the locking process) and scalp and ultimately contributed to my itchy scalp. But guess what? The itching became unbearable so I oiled the itchy areas with a mixture of light organic oils like jojoba, sweet almond oil with a few drops of peppermint. That worked for a hot second before I reached for my Sulfur 8 hair grease which gave me the relief I needed.

There are several lessons in my itchy scalp experience:

1. Regardless of the kind of locs you decide to get, you have to listen to your hair/scalp and do what’s best for YOU. Sisterlocks has a system that, in my personal opinion, is very suffocating and regimented. It works for a lot of women who love it, but it also doesn’t work others. They teach and preach that if you don’t do things exactly the way their system outlines (which includes buying and using their products), your locs will be ruined for not following the sisterlocks way. But here’s the thing: No two heads of hair are the same, so you can’t tell women that they MUST do this or that with their hair and scalp! So many women have sensitive scalps and various scalp conditions. Some of us find out we’re allergic to certain things AFTER getting locs!
2. Your loc journey is your own. If you feel okay with making your own path with your hair and how you care for it, then good on you! Good or bad, right or wrong, whatever the outcome may be you’ll only have yourself to blame or congratulate.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t listen to the advice of licensed (or unlicensed with years of experience under their belts) professionals. Sift through the advice and make sure it makes sense for YOU and your hair needs. Always remember that you have the final say over your hair. With that being said, when you make the big decision to get locs and then immediately cover them with wigs, braids or weaves for whatever reason – that’s a problem. While I’m a huge advocate of people doing what they feel they need to do to feel pretty, covering up your brand new locs is not one of them. Going through the various stages of growth and watching your locs form is vital to you learning to accept your overall beauty and embracing your journey.

There is so much beauty and power in our natural hair. When you loc your hair and begin the loc journey, you are embarking on a very unique and beautiful journey. And yes, it takes a certain amount of confidence to embrace not only how your hair changes, but how your looks will change. That confidence doesn’t come easy for everyone. In the beginning, depending on the type of locs you get, their size and the length of your hair, your locs will appear short. After you wash them for the first time they will shrink and look even shorter. This can be shocking, especially if your loose natural or straightened hair is much longer. A lot of women have a hard time with shrinkage. They get locs and think they are going to hang and look long like mature locs.

That’s not how it works.

It’s called a “Loc Journey” for a reason. Your newly installed locs are babies. They have to grow and mature to teenage and then adult locs. In between those stages a lot of things happen. When you wear your locs proudly without covering and hiding them, you get to see the beauty of what your natural kinky, coily hair can do when its left to breathe, form and grow. You develop a deeper appreciation and love for your hair and for yourself because you’ve persevered and stuck with all the ups and downs of your loc journey. Your confidence is boosted, and you start to see the beauty in yourself. Your natural self.

It makes me sad that a lot of women don’t feel pretty or see their beauty until their locs get shoulder length or longer. There’s a deeper issue happening where we as women have been conditioned to believe that our beauty depends on the length or texture of our hair. That’s an issue that can only be resolved individually by breaking the generational lie that we’ve all been told about our hair. We must change our mindset when it comes to our natural beauty whether if it’s our skin color, the shape of our noses or lips, our body type, or hair texture. We must realize that we as black women are beautiful WITH our kinky, coily hair. WITH our wide noses and full lips, and WITH our shapely curves. Stop allowing European standards of beauty be our standard of beauty. We are unique. Our hair is unique. There is nothing like our natural selves. When you decide to loc your hair, this is what you’re signing up for.

Locs aren’t just a style.

Locs aren’t just a fashion trend.

Locs are a commitment and a journey.*

Locs are hair freedom.

Locs are beautiful.

*For those who say that getting locs wasn’t some deep journey, you just wanted the style or look, you’re fooling yourself. You still have to commit to the process, and the process is part of the journey. Now if you opt for loc extensions, that’s a whole different story.

Learn to embrace your loc journey and your natural beauty.

Nine Years Natural, Five Years Loc’d

2023 marks two very important anniversaries for me – my natural hair journey and my loc journey. From the highs and lows of being natural – but embracing the process every step of the way, to learning patience and trusting the process with locs, all I can say is I wish I had embarked on these journeys sooner!

My hair right now is the longest it has ever been in my entire life – touching my bra strap in the back. Locs have been my saving grace and a true game changer. As someone who has always had her hair done by someone else – whether if it was my mom or my two older sisters when I was younger, or by beauticians when I got older, I never enjoyed doing my hair. So locs was the perfect solution for me.

Going from chemical relaxers to natural hair is a process and it starts mentally. You have to be mentally ready to embark on this journey of change and acceptance. You have to accept that combing your hair will not be easy anymore. You will have to invest in wide tooth combs to gently comb through your kinky coils. You will have to learn how to gently detangle your hair and take your time doing so. You will also have to learn what works for your hair and what doesn’t, what your hair likes and doesn’t like.

Most importantly, and this goes for natural hair or locs, you will have to mentally prepare yourself and then embrace how your appearance will change. To go from chemically relaxed straight hair to tightly coiled kinks (depending on your hair texture) will be shocking. Your hair will look compact and short. If you big chop, and depending on how low you go with your big chop, you’re pretty much going to look bald. Are you ready for that? These things should be thought about honestly before taking that plunge. I know a lot of women who’ve chopped off their hair out of impulse and then cry their eyes out afterward because they didn’t consider the impact it would have on them.

Every person is different. You can’t always compare experiences, but it’s good to talk to other women to get an idea of what it’s like, what they’ve gone through, and lessons learned. That’s what this blog is all about. I’ve learned so much along the way and I’m grateful for every experience. I’m glad that I went into this with an open mind, ready to embrace everything. And by everything I mean embracing the new me, accepting my changed looks, my new hair journey and learning to be patient. All the changes that came with big chopping and going natural, to deciding to get locs and going through the whole loc journey.

Locs are amazing. Locs are freedom. Locs are beautiful in all their stages. Be good to your locs and they’ll be good to you. Be good to your natural hair and it’ll be good to you. At the end of the day they both need lots of TLC and water, water, water!

Lastly, I will say this until my dying breath: Do what works for your hair. Create and follow the routine that works for you and your hair. No two heads of hair are alike. As long as it’s not harmful to you or your hair or scalp, go for it. Never let someone tell you that you have to follow their way or that you have to follow every step that they do. And never believe that a product will magically change your hair or the texture of your hair. If it does, it is doing so chemically the same way relaxers, texturizers or perms do and it’s BAD! It’s all LIES! Try your best to use only natural oils, creams or butters on your loose natural hair and DIY as much as possible so you know what you are putting on your scalp and hair. I’m an O.G. in this natural hair game and I love it! I love it when people stop me to talk about my locs or natural hair in general. I love giving all the advice I can and helping others as much as possible with their journey. I also enjoy helping those make the decision to embark on their natural hair or loc journey.

Natural hair IS for everyone. We are born with our natural hair. Once you go natural you’ll kick yourself for not doing it sooner. There is a community of support out there, there are natural hair tribes all over the place. Find your tribe. Go ahead and make that healthy choice for your hair and body. Become an O.G. in the natural hair game like me!

My Weight Loss Journey And My Hair

For the past six months (or more) I’ve been on a health and wellness journey. I was tired of being fat and very fearful of my health spiraling out of control that could result in me having all the things I never want to have: diabetes, high blood pressure, or cancer. My husband and I renewed our membership to the gym at the beginning of the year and we’d never go. One of the gyms is located less than a block away from my job. There was no excuse for me not utilizing it. And then I just started to go over my lunch hour and I haven’t stopped since. I typically go 3-4 times a week on my lunch hour and spend 25 – 30 minutes there working out on weight machines or doing cardio on the treadmill or stationary bike.

I am pre-diabetic or borderline diabetic – they both mean the same thing – and my last lab work showed that my A1-C levels were very high. I was angry and very disappointed because I’ve put in so much work going to the gym and changing my diet and losing weight. But this was the wakeup call I needed because I needed to change my diet even more and truly leave sugar and sweets – all the things I love – alone. I tweaked my diet and I’m still working out regularly and the weight has been coming off.

So far I’ve lost 25 pounds and I’m not stopping. I’m not comfortable or happy at my current weight. I won’t be happy until I am out of the danger zone of being diabetic and I reach my goal weight. Working out regularly has increased my stamina. My cravings have died down tremendously. Even if I’m stressed out or worrying about something I’m not grabbing all the bad snacks and candy for comfort. I’d rather exercise instead.

While I’ve been focused on my weight loss and health, my hair has been growing. I haven’t been paying much attention to it, but my husband has been pointing it out to me regularly. Usually what is more common is hair loss after weight loss, particularly rapid weight loss with restrictive diets or weight loss surgery. I don’t consider my diet to be restrictive other than cutting out all the bad things I used to eat, and I haven’t had any lap band or weight loss surgeries.

Working out regularly promotes healthy hair growth. When we exercise blood circulation increases, allowing for more nutrients and oxygen to get to your scalp. In order for hair to grow, each hair follicle must receive nutrients and oxygen from the body’s blood vessels. An increase in blood flow means that more nutrients and oxygen are reaching the scalp. If you perform 30 minutes of cardio three times per week, this will help nourish your hair follicles and result in increased hair growth. Now you tell me who doesn’t want that?

My husband’s keen eye is correct – my hair is growing and growing more than I realized. I’m proud of my healthy habits and regular visits to the gym and working out at home when I don’t go to the gym. I’m seeing results and I’m feeling better. I still have bad knees, but it no longer hurts to walk like it used to. Losing weight isn’t the cure for my knee problems, but it has helped them tremendously. There was a point where I was visibly limping when I walked and was in constant pain. I couldn’t sleep at night and would wake up in pain because of my knees. That doesn’t happen anymore.

If you want hair growth, work out for 30 minutes three times per week doing cardio. Get active and stay active and get that blood flowing throughout your body. Yes our hair will grow regardless, but you will notice an increase when you start a healthy exercise and diet routine. I’m proud of myself. I’m proud that I got tough with myself and I’m sticking to my guns and not giving into temptations no matter how strong they may be. This isn’t about longer hair, longer hair just happens to be an added benefit. This is my journey to a healthier me.

Loc Extensions – Let’s Talk About It

I’m pro do whatever gives you confidence when it comes to your hair. Personally, I have never had any interest in loc extensions, even when I first started on my loc journey. I knew my hair would grow and it would take time and patience. Plus I wanted to experience the entire loc journey.

Last week there was a picture posted in one of the loc groups I belong to and in the comments someone mentioned that people are posting pictures of their loc growth (before and after pics) but fail to mention that they have extensions. My mind was blown! I know people get extensions left and right. But what’s not talked about are those who LIE about their extensions but post photos of their “loc growth” and they’ve only been locked two or three years and their hair is to their bra strap or beyond. I always assumed that they started off with long hair because some people do, or their hair grows really fast. Call me naive.

No one is obligated to yell from the rooftops that they have loc extensions. But don’t act like your hair did all this growing when it didn’t! A lot of women get easily discouraged because they see someone who started their loc journey the same time they did but the other person’s hair is much longer than theirs. First of all, stop comparing your hair growth or loc journey to someone else’s! Everyone’s hair grows at a different pace. We all have different genes. And we have to remember that not everyone is going to be honest.

Now I wish I had a trained eye that can spot loc extensions! These services are being advertised everywhere on social media, Youtube, Pinterest, and in local advertisements for loc shops. You can’t get away from loc extensions which tells me that they are way more popular than I think. Here I am thinking everyone started from scratch like me and went through all the phases and was patiently waiting for the growth to happen when in reality, a lot of people are getting loc extensions! That really bums me out – but it shouldn’t.

Everybody’s loc journey is different. People are going to do things to their hair to make themselves feel good and confident. Most people who get loc extensions eventually cut them out as their real hair grows. And loc extensions need maintenance and most people don’t realize that. Also, if they are not installed properly or if quality hair isn’t used, they can look raggedy quickly. There’s a lot to consider before getting loc extensions. At the end of the day, it’s not cool to lie about your hair growth when you really have extensions. You’d be better off not saying anything than lying, and if you must say something, then be honest.

Products – The New Chemical Relaxer

Never did I imagine that products geared towards natural black hair would replace chemical relaxers as the next addiction for black women. We’ve gone from saying no to creamy crack to saying yes to anything that claims to be for black natural hair. How did we not see this coming? Was it because the natural hair movement was so new and everyone was so excited to be apart of it? Were we too busy fighting amongst ourselves because we had cliques of naturals who were extreme, others who were in the middle, and others who were spot on with their views on natural hair? Or were we too busy fighting with pro-relaxer stylists who knew the natural hair movement was costing them money and clients so they went out of their way to discourage black women from going natural?

I’d say it was a mixture of all of the above. While we were busy trying to get the message out that chemical relaxers are bad for our bodies and fighting amongst ourselves, beauty companies were sitting back watching and figuring out how they could profit off of the natural hair movement. Black women – if you haven’t already noticed, we generate a lot of money for these beauty companies because of our spending habits. We spare no expense when it comes to our hair, and these companies know this. That is why it was so easy for them to swoop in and figure out what we were looking for in hair products, and then create sub-par or out right trash products full of harmful chemicals to sell to us. And to top it all off, they make sure they use words like “Natural, Organic, For Natural Hair, Shea Butter, Jojoba Oil, Olive Oil”, on their product labels. We took the bait – hook, line and sinker.

This is no different than fast food restaurants and liquor stores being strategically inserted into poor inner cities across the country instead of health food stores or healthy restaurant chains. And then doctors wonder why black people and other minorities are so unhealthy, overweight and dying from cancer at such higher rates than white people. This is all by design. They make more money off of us being sick than healthy. These beauty companies don’t care about black women going bald, getting cancer, having painful fibroid tumors, or young black girls getting their periods too early because of years of using harmful chemical relaxers. And they don’t care about using harmful chemicals in products that are geared toward black women with natural hair.

It’s a shame that being natural isn’t a simple, easy thing to do for all black women, because it should be. At this point in the game, everything comes down to choice. There’s enough information out there for us to educate ourselves. Google is free. We’ve all heard the reports of how harmful chemical relaxers are. And with these hair relaxer/cancer lawsuits that are being advertised all over social media, it’s hard for anyone to say that they didn’t know or haven’t heard about any of this. But if you decide to go natural, you still have choices to make. You have to be very careful about what products you choose to put on your hair and scalp. You need to read labels and understand which chemicals are harmful and which are good.

This is why I advocate for natural DIY remedies when it comes to caring for natural hair. When you make it yourself, you know exactly what you are putting on your hair. You have complete control, and if something goes wrong you only have yourself to blame. If something goes right then you can pat yourself on the back and be proud of yourself. I grew up with a natural hair guru, my mother, who knew the natural remedies to use on our hair to keep our hair healthy, and they worked. Our hair grew, our hair was free from split ends, and our hair was healthy. I get that not everyone wants to make things themselves. But it is an option that should be explored, and it can save you a lot of money from buying expensive products.

Can We Beat The Machine?

Capitalism is the machine. Manufacturing companies pushing out products to capitalize off of the natural hair movement has been a fast moving bullet train that isn’t slowing down any time soon. Why? Because women continue to believe the lie that a product or a line of products is the answer to changing how their natural hair behaves. Instead of teaching black women to learn to embrace and love their beautiful natural hair for what it is and for what it can and cannot do, we’re pushing products. Everyone is making money. Content creators, manufacturers, and big beauty companies like L’oreal, Proctor & Gamble and others making products targeting the black dollar. So how can we get the message of black hair education through to the masses when so many are already obsessed with trying every product on the market?

Y’all…I honestly don’t know. The machine is huge, and with the world of Youtube and social media, there are thousands, if not millions of videos of people doing product reviews. They have a huge audience because women want to know what is the next product they should go out and try on their natural hair. If the product works on the Youtuber and it’s recommended to try, they are going to try it. This is an endless cycle that isn’t going to stop in the black hair community. It seems now more than ever we have been conditioned to believe that in order for natural hair to “work”, to be tamed, to look presentable (according to European standards that black people have adopted), we have to buy and use an endless array of products.

I think the natural hair community lost the game the moment we allowed the narrative to change from natural hair health and getting away from chemical relaxers to pushing products. Many in the natural hair community saw the opportunity and the money they could make partnering with companies and that’s when the machine took over and the natural hair community laid down and conceded. This is why I feel so defeated and why so many content creators who do promote natural hair health and education are left by the wayside because no one is interested in natural remedies or DIY. They want instant gratification by means of products that claim they will grow your hair, make your hair soft and curly and bouncy. But none of them ever live up to what they claim. At least not for 4C hair.

And the cycle continues…

Natural Hair Nazis & Product Pushing Ruined The Natural Hair Community

I was reflecting on some of the issues plaguing the natural hair community. When I first went natural I found and joined natural hair groups on facebook and I found natural hair Youtubers to follow that I felt gave great advice. What I quickly came to realize is that there are a lot of crazy zealots out there who are looking for blind followers and worshippers. Literally. There were rules that they came up with that you had to agree to abide by before joining these groups, and there were crazy, rabid admins who policed every comment made, and if they were perceived as negative towards the “page leader/organizer” or if you disagreed with what the page leader/organizer said, you were immediately kicked out of the group and blocked. I cannot tell you how many groups I’ve come across like this in the beginning of my natural hair journey.

I call these crazy women Natural Hair Nazis because that’s exactly how they behaved. They wanted blind followers who agreed with everything they said and followed their ideas and practices when it came to their natural hair. These are the people who ruined the natural hair community in my opinion. There were many like myself who became jaded and disappointed with the amount of people who were more interested in having natural hair disciples or selling their e-books and products instead of providing a welcoming space of learning, discussion, encouragement, positivity and sisterhood. Over time I watched how many began to adopt the attitude of “To each his own” because they became so tired of these weirdos trying to force their way of thinking on everyone else.

In the almost 10 years that have passed since encountering and distancing myself from Natural Hair Nazis, I feel like natural hair education stopped being the focus. More and more people are focused on branding themselves and getting followers for the content they create. There are a lot of naturals who do product reviews and how to videos, and some do very well as far as monetizing their content, partnering with brands and gaining followers. But this is also where I feel torn because while I’m all for people getting their coins, I have a huge problem with product pushing. I know there are still those out there who do put out content that focuses on hair health, natural remedies and DIY recipes specifically for natural hair. I also wish those content creators got the shine they deserve in the natural hair community. Instead, the natural hair community, as it stands today, is more focused on product pushing, and that is a huge part of the disconnect that I see.

The majority of the products on the market today do not work on black women’s hair. The products that do work on our hair either don’t work for long or it works but it’s very expensive. But the bigger problem is a lot of products on the shelves contain harmful ingredients despite being labeled as “natural” or “organic”. They also use other eye catching words on their labels like shea butter, jojoba oil or any other type of oil that we know is good for our hair, but the product has little or none of those actual oils in it. So not only are we watching our wallets as far as how much we spend on products, but now we have to be diligent about reading labels. And let’s be honest, there are a lot of us who are not reading the labels to check for harmful ingredients. We just care about whether or not this product is going to make our natural hair curl and bounce and shine as advertised. And because a lot of these products do not live up to their promises, we get into the cycle of trying a different product, and another, and another. Before you know it you’re a full blown product junkie.

Even though I’m going on five years loc’d, I still see some of this mindset (negativity, harmful hair practices, and loc purists) in the loc community. People want to know what products they should use on their locs to soften them, to make them grow faster or loc faster. The secret is time and patience. That’s it. You have to be gentle and kind to your locs the same as you would be towards your loose natural hair. It amazes me how many people don’t know or realize this. It also amazes me how little people know about their natural hair, and it’s because of…you guessed it…lack of education. So maybe that’s where I go with my blog and my Youtube channel. Maybe my pivot is going back to natural hair education. Instead of complaining about what the natural hair community lacks, get back into doing my part in educating.

See, this is why I blog. Sometimes I have to talk through my feelings and problems with you guys to figure out my next move! Thanks for listening.